Is this considered a UO

mxpxgirl13

I've always wanted a second child, but DH refuses to have another one. A girlfriend and I were talking about this, and she commented that I should just stop taking birth control and get pregnant anyways, that he'll might be upset with it but then he'll get over it.

This might be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard of.. tricking your DH/SO to have a baby? Even though I thought it was a bit funny for her to say(horrible I know), I don't know why this was a bit unsettling to me. Has anybody ever said this to you? Thoughts?

jessicaclare

Women who do things like that end up in crap marriages once their SO finds out what they did. I don't find it just unsettling, I find it downright disturbing to me that someone could be so deceitful about such a HUGE decision.

MrsBreezer80

Well, my mom did it. My dad didn't want kids, they'd been married for like 10 years, so she just stopped taking BCP and got KU. They ended up having 2 more, but then they got divorced 5 years later. I mean, that wasn't the only reason, but still. I wouldn't recommend it.

I'm sure it's really frustrating to want more kids when your DH doesn't. Is it a no more ever kind of thing, or is it just for now? Did you not ever have the how-many-kids discussion before now?

mxpxgirl13

jessicaclare:

Women who do things like that end up in crap marriages once their SO finds out what they did. I don't find it just unsettling, I find it downright disturbing to me that someone could be so deceitful about such a HUGE decision.

Right? I know we're married and everything, but it doesn't mean he should keep thinking I'm using BC if I'm not. 

mxpxgirl13

MrsBreezer80:

Well, my mom did it. My dad didn't want kids, they'd been married for like 10 years, so she just stopped taking BCP and got KU. They ended up having 2 more, but then they got divorced 5 years later. I mean, that wasn't the only reason, but still. I wouldn't recommend it.

I'm sure it's really frustrating to want more kids when your DH doesn't. Is it a no more ever kind of thing, or is it just for now? Did you not ever have the how-many-kids discussion before now?

We discussed it before, when we first met he said none, I said 2, so we compromised with 1. Deep inside I want another one but I never bugged him about it. It's all cool with me now that we have 1, sometimes I just like to daydream, but what she said threw me off.

oboechick7

I have a "friend" who did  this. They have a little boy now and she is constantly afraid that her DH will find out what she did. As far as he knows she was one of those .001 who got KU on the pill.

July_2009

Oh boy, why do I feel like I have similar situations for most things posted on TB today. But funnily though, my SIL (bro's wife) sort of tricked my brother into having kids. She so wanted kids badly and she kept pushing my bro into having kids 3 months into their marriage!!!! (well...my bro told us, I am not a snoopy SIL).

Needless to say, they are in a very unhappy marriage and estranged for about 5 years now. My nieces rarely see my brother (and my bro doesn't miss them a bit...) and my bro started seeing someone else. SIL does not want to divorce because (a million reasons behind it) main thing being she has no financial support and my bro still provides for them...Sucks I know, but it is what it is. 

So moral of the story is forcing a man to have kids he is not ready for could cause serious ripples in one's marriage. 

July_2009

mxpxgirl13:

I've always wanted a second child, but DH refuses to have another one. A girlfriend and I were talking about this, and she commented that I should just stop taking birth control and get pregnant anyways, that he'll might be upset with it but then he'll get over it.

This might be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard of.. tricking your DH/SO to have a baby? Even though I thought it was a bit funny for her to say(horrible I know), I don't know why this was a bit unsettling to me. Has anybody ever said this to you? Thoughts?

Does your DH say why he doesn't want another one? I want another baby too but we are really not emotionally ready for more kids. Between working full-time and taking care of DS, we literally have no time for anything else. I cannot really imagine having an infant now. When I see mothers with 2u2 at day care, I really admire them...

ssmith325

Yeah, that is SOOOOO deceitful.  What does that say about TRUST in a marriage?!

achase123

July_2009:

Oh boy, why do I feel like I have similar situations for most things posted on TB today. But funnily though, my SIL (bro's wife) sort of tricked my brother into having kids. She so wanted kids badly and she kept pushing my bro into having kids 3 months into their marriage!!!! (well...my bro told us, I am not a snoopy SIL).

Needless to say, they are in a very unhappy marriage and estranged for about 5 years now. My nieces rarely see my brother (and my bro doesn't miss them a bit...) and my bro started seeing someone else. SIL does not want to divorce because (a million reasons behind it) main thing being she has no financial support and my bro still provides for them...Sucks I know, but it is what it is. 

So moral of the story is forcing a man to have kids he is not ready for could cause serious ripples in one's marriage. 

I still have to wonder why your brother doesn't want to be involved in his daughter's lives.  It's not their fault that they were born into deception.  It makes me sad especially the part where you said he "doesn't miss them a bit". 

mxpxgirl13

July_2009:

mxpxgirl13:

I've always wanted a second child, but DH refuses to have another one. A girlfriend and I were talking about this, and she commented that I should just stop taking birth control and get pregnant anyways, that he'll might be upset with it but then he'll get over it.

This might be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard of.. tricking your DH/SO to have a baby? Even though I thought it was a bit funny for her to say(horrible I know), I don't know why this was a bit unsettling to me. Has anybody ever said this to you? Thoughts?

Does your DH say why he doesn't want another one? I want another baby too but we are really not emotionally ready for more kids. Between working full-time and taking care of DS, we literally have no time for anything else. I cannot really imagine having an infant now. When I see mothers with 2u2 at day care, I really admire them...

He says they are very expensive and take a tremendous amount of work (which I totally agree), and partially because he's afraid that he won't be a good father (since his father was abusive to his mom amongst many other reasons). But yeah, I understand his feelings. At this moment I feel like we have too much on our plates to be having another infant as well, but I was thinking maybe he may change his mind some day. Having 1 baby almost tore us apart, and it wouldn't be smart for us to have another one for now. And I definitely don't want to trick him or anything. He's says the only way it will happen is if we hit mega millions, lol.

CalinsBride

I would NEVER do that.

Biitches be crazy.

July_2009

achase123:

July_2009:

Oh boy, why do I feel like I have similar situations for most things posted on TB today. But funnily though, my SIL (bro's wife) sort of tricked my brother into having kids. She so wanted kids badly and she kept pushing my bro into having kids 3 months into their marriage!!!! (well...my bro told us, I am not a snoopy SIL).

Needless to say, they are in a very unhappy marriage and estranged for about 5 years now. My nieces rarely see my brother (and my bro doesn't miss them a bit...) and my bro started seeing someone else. SIL does not want to divorce because (a million reasons behind it) main thing being she has no financial support and my bro still provides for them...Sucks I know, but it is what it is. 

So moral of the story is forcing a man to have kids he is not ready for could cause serious ripples in one's marriage. 

I still have to wonder why your brother doesn't want to be involved in his daughter's lives.  It's not their fault that they were born into deception.  It makes me sad especially the part where you said he "doesn't miss them a bit". 

I really have no answer why my bro does not want to do anything with his kids..It is really really sad...But being tricked into having kids is not the reason. He has had committment issues right from the beginning and has a tonn of other addictions, alchohol, computer games, night clubs, spending tonns of money on friends and what not. 

We as a family tried putting sense into him forever and he cut us off too. He does not meet any of us, does not speak to my parents..basically anyone who tells him he is totally wrong..he will cut them off...sucks....

Our family is waiting for the day when my bro will realize all his stupid mistakes and embrace my nieces with love..but that may be far fetched because the elder niece is like 9 now and knows everything...she hates her dad now. The younger one will soon follow. It is just a very sad story....and very sad it happened in my immediate family. My parents worry to death about my brother's life and it is just sad.

July_2009

mxpxgirl13:

July_2009:

mxpxgirl13:

I've always wanted a second child, but DH refuses to have another one. A girlfriend and I were talking about this, and she commented that I should just stop taking birth control and get pregnant anyways, that he'll might be upset with it but then he'll get over it.

This might be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard of.. tricking your DH/SO to have a baby? Even though I thought it was a bit funny for her to say(horrible I know), I don't know why this was a bit unsettling to me. Has anybody ever said this to you? Thoughts?

Does your DH say why he doesn't want another one? I want another baby too but we are really not emotionally ready for more kids. Between working full-time and taking care of DS, we literally have no time for anything else. I cannot really imagine having an infant now. When I see mothers with 2u2 at day care, I really admire them...

He says they are very expensive and take a tremendous amount of work (which I totally agree), and partially because he's afraid that he won't be a good father (since his father was abusive to his mom amongst many other reasons). But yeah, I understand his feelings. At this moment I feel like we have too much on our plates to be having another infant as well, but I was thinking maybe he may change his mind some day. Having 1 baby almost tore us apart, and it wouldn't be smart for us to have another one for now. And I definitely don't want to trick him or anything. He's says the only way it will happen is if we hit mega millions, lol.

Yeah, IKWYM. hopefully once your LO grows a little independent, your DH will crave for more kids...fingers crossed..

As for me, I am taking one day at a time. My sister who has a 2 month old is already planning for their second child next year and her DH is on board. They basically want to get done with having kids soon. But it is not for me. It does make me feel a little jealous at times that she is so decisive. I am just very indecisive and I am not young either, so I worry about problems having 2nd one..considering I had 3 miscarriages before finally having DS. I know we cannot compare lives like that. Everyone is different. 

FerreraRocher

I cannot stand women who do this. If a woman needs to trick her husband to have her way (and have another child) she is acting in a fashion that is quite frankly selfish and pathetic.

achase123

July_2009:

I really have no answer why my bro does not want to do anything with his kids..It is really really sad...But being tricked into having kids is not the reason. He has had committment issues right from the beginning and has a tonn of other addictions, alchohol, computer games, night clubs, spending tonns of money on friends and what not. 

We as a family tried putting sense into him forever and he cut us off too. He does not meet any of us, does not speak to my parents..basically anyone who tells him he is totally wrong..he will cut them off...sucks....

Our family is waiting for the day when my bro will realize all his stupid mistakes and embrace my nieces with love..but that may be far fetched because the elder niece is like 9 now and knows everything...she hates her dad now. The younger one will soon follow. It is just a very sad story....and very sad it happened in my immediate family. My parents worry to death about my brother's life and it is just sad.

That's so sad!  It does sound like your family is doing a good job of NOT enabling his actions though.  He will have to learn on his own and may or may not succeed.

goldenleaves

DH always jokes that I did this, but he's 100% kidding. I came off the pill in November and it was a mutual decision.He knew I wanted a baby any time he was ready. We decided to try charting and try to avoid for a while. Well, I got knocked up in March because DH hates condoms!

But I don't know anyone that's actually done that. It's such a HUGE decision to bring a child into this world and I can't imagine doing so without both parents' consent.

daisy_dueller

I totally think women that do this are trashy, immature, and deserve to have their husbands leave them (not their children, obviously, just the marriage). Maybe that's my UO.

oboechick7

daisy_dueller:

I totally think women that do this are trashy, immature, and deserve to have their husbands leave them (not their children, obviously, just the marriage). Maybe that's my UO.

I agree with you. Like some one above said, being a parent is hard work. You both need to be on board

Echowysp

Yeah, and then those women wonder why their husbands are so unhappy and dump their asses. 

TSD

jessicaclare:

Women who do things like that end up in crap marriages once their SO finds out what they did. I don't find it just unsettling, I find it downright disturbing to me that someone could be so deceitful about such a HUGE decision.

THIS.

And even if they didn't find out how the child happened, making someone be a parent to another child if they didn't want them only breeds resentment. It's not like getting a new piece of furniture.

SwissPrincessBride

Sadly, those women do not consider the burden that they are going to put on those children in relation to their father. No child should grow up feeling unwanted. Its not fair to the man or the child in these cases.

Fortunately, I have seen a case within my family where a woman purposely got pregnant like that. The best thing is that the man stepped up and has been an amazing father. Sadly, the mom has, in the past, been the drizzlings as a parent.