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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Manderlin923
member
I promised to update after prenatal apt....no heartbeat
Manderlin923
member
Thanks to the ladies who posted last week (?) and were wishing me luck at my appointment. I hope the other poster who was going in soon to hear the h/b has a better outcome than I did...I wasn't sure if anyone saw my post on 1st trimester and I did promise to update. So, here goes...
I went in Monday to see my MW. I was 12 weeks exactly, according to the date I think I conceived (don't know LMP). Couldn't find hb with doppler. I had to wait all day to get in for an ultrasound. I just knew it was bad news. I finally got in for an ultrasound at 4:30pm and saw a baby but no heartbeat. The tech couldn't tell me anything for sure. I still held on to a glimmer of hope that maybe the heartbeat was just faint and I couldn't see it. But walking out of the hospital I began sobbing and couldn't have stopped if I tried. I just had a feeling it was gone.
On the way home, driving alone, I got the call from my MW. Diagnosed missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. Baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 1 day. I walked into my empty house and climbed into bed. The minute we got off the phone I called my DH sobbing, then my mom. I was thisclose to throwing stuff. I wanted to pick up my lamp and toss it across the room. Instead I laid on my bed and cried until I thought I'd be sick. I made sounds, from deep inside me, screams of anger, I suppose.
I can't get in for an apt to see a doctor till Monday (I have to transfer care). They want me to come in for another ultrasound b/c they think there's a chance the baby might just be younger than we thought which makes this roller coaster ride of emotions even more f-ed up. I don't know why they are giving me this shred of hope when I'm so sure it's not good news. Even if my dates were off I know when I took a pregnancy test and I'd be at MINIMUM 9/10 weeks now. Sorry, I didn't mean this to be so long. I guess it feels theraputic to write it down. I haven't been able to talk to anyone irl about it except my DH and parents. It hurts to bad to speak outloud.
I just keep thinking this is my fault. I run scenarios through my head. The baby died 6 weeks ago. What was I doing 6 weeks ago? What did I eat? Did I do something wrong? I know that's stupid but I can't help it. I just want to know why.
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Re: I promised to update after prenatal apt....no heartbeat
((hugs))... and it is NOT your fault, don't even think that for one second!
You did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
Oh no! That is terrible. Before DD I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. It sucks to think you are pregant for 10 weeks only to find out you were not. They estimated that the baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks for me as well. I know that I started the actual process of miscarrying almost immediately after my appointment and ended up having a natural miscarriage as opposed to a D&C or medically induced one.
There is nothing that you did wrong! Crying was very theraputic for me and then after I cried about as much as I could keeping myself busy helped as well.
I'm sorry to hear that
Do you mind me asking, how long after you found out did you start to miscarry naturally? I really don't want a d&c or to take the medicine they can give me. I just want my body to do it. I have heard that if you wait too long you can increase your risk of infection and since it's already been 6 weeks...I don't know 
Thank you all for your kindness.
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a m/mc discovered at my 11-week appointment - the baby grew to about 7.5 weeks, but I know he was growing slowly b/c I had an ultrasound w/heartbeat when I should have been about 8.5 weeks (I knew something was wrong, that I should have been further along, but everyone kept telling me I must have been mistaken on my dates - f*ck 'em, I knew when I conceived). It's SO NOT YOUR FAULT! I went through the same feelings. Almost all first trimester miscarriages are because there is something happening with the fetus that is not compatible with life. My OB gave me the option of testing and we found out that the baby had a trisomy disorder. I think that's usually the case.
At the time of the discovery of the m/c it had been probably at least two weeks since the baby stopped growing and I had not yet started m/cing on my own. I opted for a D&C.
((HUGS)) again I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you heal quickly. The mc/pregnancy loss board was a Godsend for me at the time of mine.
The Triplet Life Store
TTC#2 October 2011. June 2012 diagnosed with mild PCOS and both tubes blocked.
10/1/12 miracle BFP 11/12/12 missed m/c (9w2d), baby stopped growing at 7 weeks
1/16/13 BFP, EDD 9/27/13, m/c 1/19/13
2/12/13 BFP, EDD 10/25/13 Please stick little one
A stowaway on board!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I also had a missed miscarriage - went in for a regular ultrasound to find out the baby wasn't growing. The in-between "we will wait and see" time can be brutal. And know that it isn't your fault!
I opted for a D&C, which for us was definitely the best choice. It meant less waiting, and it was done in a day. That said, you will need to choose what is best for you.
Be gentle with yourself.
Hugs to you. I know no amount of words will take your pain away. May you find your inner strength to face this challenge. I have been through 3 miscarriages myself before I had DS and I know how your hope never goes away until it's all over. Going through the scans and watching every facial movement of the technician for a glimmer of hope is like knife stabs.
Please remember it is not your fault and everything has a reason. I wish you find comfort in your family members.