Single Parents

Question about custody related stuff

Hi all,

I'm new to being an SP.  I moved my kids and I out of our home about ten days ago when I discovered my H had been unfaithful to me, over the course of several years with several different women.  What a peach, huh?

I have not filed for divorce yet, but plan to after the holidays.  I'm planning to go away for New Years to visit some family out of state.  Can I legally take my children out of the state at this point?  I should add that H has seen the kids exactly twice since we left.  He does not have a driver's license due to a DUI so he is unable to transport them and I told him I was unwilling to be the go between all the time.  I 've taken so much emotional abuse over the years and I feel like he needs to take responsibility for seeing his children.  I've told him he is welcome to come visit them here (we are staying with my parents for the time being).  We are communicating minimally, and mostly via text message.  The odds are that he would never even know that we left  (only going for three nights) since he has had so little involvement/communication with us.  My fear in telling him is that he will find some way to legally not allow me to take them just to be a d!ck.  Thoughts?

Re: Question about custody related stuff

  • You are a legal gaurdian just as much as your STBXH is; therefore, you can take them out of state, you can move them out of state, you can take them out of the country(wouldn't advise) and until a judge makes you come back for a hearing you have done nothing wrong.  The police won't even touch it.

    The reverse is true.  He can do all those things too as long as there no custody order in place you each have 50% legal and physical custody.

    I like to tell every new single parent:

    Possession is 9/10 of the law and that applies to children.  If you have them they are "more" yours.


    Don't be nice.  Nice gets you screwed.

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  • Thanks Sweetie!  I have been "nice" for far too long and I'm done with it!  That is why I told him he needs to find a way to see his kids that does not involve me being "nice!" 
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  • It actually depends on your state law but since you aren't officially seperated, I think it's your call.  As he hasn't fought your custody, I doubt he has much to stand on.

    I live in NYS and the only time I had any restrictions on taking my DD anywhere was when I took her to Switzerland, Mexico and Honduras.  I had to get an affidavit from my exH and show it at immigration at those places.  Without that, I would not have been able to enter those countries.

    I remember your post on the Relationships board. Do you have an attorney yet?

    You really need to have one but I doubt that just spending the holidays in a different state will land you in jail.

    As PP stated, possession is 9/10s of the law but you should, at some point, check and get this in writing.  Otherwise, it's just a hassle everytime you want to go anywhere.

    Good luck & have a wonderful holiday!

  • ootmother, yes I have consulted an attorney.  We talked about the process, child support, custody, etc.  I wanted to wait until after the holidays to start the ugly process.  I do plan to get everything in writing and my lawyer said he presumes I will get custody due to my husbands lack of license and job and we will be selling our house and he will probably end up sleeping on his loser friends couch.

    Thanks for the advice!

  • my personal opinion is for you to take the kids out for new years, have fun, and some laughs, have a good, stress free time!!! leave your phone whereever you are staying, or just turn it off. what he doesnt know wont hurt him... its his lose not yours. and if your not divorced yet, and no legal documents are involved yet, you arent being sneaky because you guys are technically still married. but if you are really worried, and will lose sleep over leaving the state, then stay around town.
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