Blended Families
Blended family poll
Are you friendly with your stepchild's mother?
I guess what I'm trying to ask is explain the relationship you have with them.
We have full custody of SS and his mom doesn't even speak to me. She rarely visits him. I think he's seen her twice this year -once over summer and over Thanksgiving. I find it weird that she doesn't want to get to know the person that spends the most time with him.
WDYT?
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Re: Blended family poll
I would say we're friendly, but we're not friends.
We're cordial when we see each other and we exchange minor information if necessary (ex: if I do pickup and am running late, I'll give her a heads up). We stick to neutral topics and general pleasantries.
It's not that I dislike her, it's just that we're big on boundaries.
BM and FI were never married and things didnt end on the best of terms for them. But they have both gotten over it all. In the beginning BM wasnt very friendly and accepting of me as she didnt like any of the girls that FI had dated before me. But we have gotten to know each other over the last year and a half and we get along really well. We talk all the time, have gone out a few times, concerts, etc. Its odd to some people but it works for us. We are like one big happy family. I am really glad that it is this way because I would rather be friends with her than be at each others throats and not get along.
I guess pretty friendly, like her. When it comes to visitation, $$, and most health issues, DH and her mom handle this (w/ my input on his side). We chat at school things, invite each other in, etc, but wouldn't say we're "friends". Often do joint b-day parties and holidays. SD is going through some difficulty in an area in which I have "expertise" so recently, have had a lot more collaborative contact at her initiation.
It has it's own weirdness at times, spend much time holding my breath & treading lightly b/c I have so much anxiety about disturbing this peace for both SD's sake, my own, and that of my marriage, having seen the alternative on the boards. Also (and this is my own stuff entirely), have wondered just where I fit when we're all just "one big happy family"...am I just the newest member or is there a place that is just "my" family?
Think our situation is comprised of some simple luck, the fact that DH and BM had a friendly divorce long before me, and that no one's BSC, or at least (self included) not neurotic enough that we put ourselves before SD's needs.
For OP, that is a strange situation and unfortunate for SS, nice that he has a FT mothering parent in his life.
In the beginning BM was really nasty to me until I put her in her place. She was screaming and cussing at me and I told her that until she was going to talk to me like an adult - we wouldnt talk and I would hang up.
Eventually, she's gotten nicer... She is nice to my face, but makes fun behind my back (me being bald, etc.) We dont speak with her though and havent in over a year. SD is old enough that we can deal with her directly and not through BM.
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My H has children with his exgirlfriend (BM#1) and his exwife (BM#2).
I get along really well with BM#1 and we are friendly. It took years for this to happen but now she sees me as another parental figure in her kids lives.We have no problem speaking to each other directly.
BM#2 and I are cordial but that is it. I really deep down can't stand her. She talks trash about me and my SDs know it. When they ask me about it I don't stoop to her level. I tell them I am thankful for there mom b/c she gave me the best SDs I could ask for (and I mean it).
You win some you lose some.
BM and I are cordial. We don't call each other, but she'll talk to me if she feels she has to. That's fine. I'd rather DH take c/o the communication where she's concerned.
In reality-I don't think she likes me. Either jealousy or self-esteem issues, but whatever. I'm not crying in a corner over it.
And that's horrible--someone teasing someone else behind their back cause they're bald?!? WTF!?
3 boys (15, 8, 6), 1 girl (4)
Ok I have this coming from two directions.
I am a SM. BM does not like me and she makes that very clear, however she calls on me when she needs MH to see her point of view on something. We speak, but only when necessary, and the only topic of conversation is SS.
In the other direction I am the BM. My children's SM do not speak at all what so ever. I put a note in their bag about anything going on with them, and then confirm it with Ex H. We do not speak during exchanges. Most of the time she wont even get out of the car. However SM has made it this way and caused this tension however she is not mature enough to handle the situation as an adult. Thank goodness my children's time there is limited!
That's also why I'm largely just a lurker. Aside from typical 10 year old boy issues, we rarely have any drama.
I've met her once, at SS's school open house. It also happened to be the first and only open house she's ever attended (SS is in 4th grade). To put it bluntly, she is an absolute b!tch.
BM and DH were never married and actually broke up before finding out she was pregnant (she was 19, he was 23). It has been a mess from the very beginning. Some highlights - said she was going to get an abortion, got money from DH, kept it without getting the abortion, and informed DH months later that she was still pregnant; didn't call DH when she gave birth - he found out through a mutual friend, originally put "unknown" for the father on the birth certificate; constantly threatens to try to get full custody (it's 50/50 now, every other week), even after have CPS visit her home.
She usually makes DH pick up and drop off SS and has only picked him up from our house (DH moved into mine). She called DH from the car to say she was in the driveway and waited for SS to go outside to her.
The less I see of her the better.
DH handles issues with custody, child support, pick-up/drop-off times (basically all the touchy stuff) with BM. Other than that, BM and I have a decent working relationship where we can discuss Christmas and birthday presents, school events, clothes for Skids, extracurriculars, etc. Personally, I don't like her and if it weren't for the best interest of my Skids, I would never deal with her ever. I don't care if she likes me or not, but my guess is no.
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We each have a child from a different person. My ex and H get along to the point of hello, goodbye, how are you type stuff. BM and I never speak, she hates me because H never married her when he found out she was preggo (SS was a one night oopsie 2 years before I came along).
There are two BM's in my situation. I get along very well with BM2. We text/call eachother about SS2. We have even taken her daughetr from another father for the weekend when she needed someone to watch her.
BM1 is a different story. We are friendly to eachother when in front of SS1, but I can not stand her. Just yesterday she wrote on facebook that she wished FI would have spent the money he did on Christmas presents on moving out of state and never seeing SS again. She also involves SS in way too much information. And does/says things to discourage SS from having a relationship with FI. It makes me sick seeing some of the things she texts SS when he is here or on facebook. But I live by the motto of not letting her know it bothers me and living life the happiest as I can. She can be angry and bitter all she wants, I won't let it affect my family.