SOOOOO livid at my dad....grrrr!

NewNameSameGame

And what makes it worse, is I really probably need to just stay out of it, but I want to b!tch slap my dad in the worst way right now....

My dad has favorite grandkids...and they are my kids.  This always makes ME feel uncomfortable and I'm SURE it pisses my brother and SIL off.

On top of it, my dad who travelled a TON with his job when we were growing up, and when he WAS home, he was on the golf course, all of a sudden has become an expert parent....and he does not think my brother and SIL parent good enough.

his biggest beef is that they aren't strict enough.  My SIL just isn't the yelling type and neither is my brother...and they tend to be a bit more lenient than I am.  It is NOT a bad thing....its THEIR style.  Their kids are JUST fine with all of it.

He's biotched to me about it the past year or so, and every single time I respond with "Dad, just because it isn't the way YOU think you would parent, doesn't mean its wrong, keep your opinions to yourself, its only going to hurt SIL's feelings if you say something."  Sooo, he's been good about keeping his mouth shut.

Well, last week my nephew had a bad week at school, so my mom said "I'm going to check on you this week and if you have a good week we you can get a tootsie roll." or something.  My mom's a teacher and whatever.

Yesterday nephew had a GREAT day...my brother called with nephew on the phone to tell my mom that he had a great day at school.  My mom wasn't home, so my DAD take the opportunity to tell my brother that he's a bad parent, not strict enough and thats why nephew was bad at school last week and if they don't nip this in the bud, then he's going to end up a problem child! 

HOLY SH!T!!!!!!  First of all aren't ALLLLLLLL kids a bit crazy right now this time of year?? Extra sugar, extra excitement, extra energy from not being able to run outside???? 

Second, my brother was calling HAPPY with their son's behavior, then to have that bashed into basically "yeah, but you suck at parenting" (not his exact words, but I'm SURE how it was heard).....what a kick!

THIRD!  now my brother and SIL aren't spending Christmas with us, because they don't want Nephew's behavior to bother my dad like it obviously has.  (and I'd do the exact same thing if my FIL told my DH that we weren't parenting good enough)

My mom is in tears upset about this.  And when she talked to my brother and basically said "its not like your Dad knows what its like to be a parent, because he was never around for the discipline when you guys were growing up." MY DAD throws a FREAKING temper tantrum and left the house.......JEEBUS PETE O'RIELLY!  ONE little comment gets said about his lack of parenting and he's acting like a two year old, but he cannot understand WHY my brother is upset about what HE said!!!!!!  HELLO idiot!!!

Merry Fvcking Christmas......this is going to be the MOST uncomfortable Christmas ever.....and I'm PO'd my brother potentially (at this point anyways) isn't even going to be there.

r9stedt

Merry Freaking christmas!!!

 

xbrooklyngrl

Can you, yourself talk to your brother? Maybe make some joke's about how dad has become a know it all parent and he shouldn't take his opinion to heart.

Ugh, I hate family drama. There's always something.

NewNameSameGame

xbrooklyngrl:

Can you, yourself talk to your brother? Maybe make some joke's about how dad has become a know it all parent and he shouldn't take his opinion to heart.

Ugh, I hate family drama. There's always something.

I thought about this....but my kids are the "favorites" and apparently in my dad's lecture, it was brought up that "well, Renee puts her kids in time out when they misbehave, and they act so much better." or something along those lines!!!!

HELLO!!! DO NOT COMPARE MY KIDS TO THEIRS!!!!  And our kids act exactly the same....like KIDS!!!!!  My kids are JUST as naughty as theirs.

So I worry that anything I say to my brother will just come off like "yeah, well, you are a better parent supposedly, so what do you care."  or something?? You know???

I really think my dad needs to apologize, but my dad is so thick skulled and egotistical, that I don't think he can suck it up....EVEN if he thinks he was correct.....and just apologize.

justEK

xbrooklyngrl:

Can you, yourself talk to your brother? Maybe make some joke's about how dad has become a know it all parent and he shouldn't take his opinion to heart.

Ugh, I hate family drama. There's always something.

This is what I would do. If your dad wants to act like an ass, make him the uncomfortable one. Tell your brother what a good parent he (your brother) is. 

 

Printergirl

If you talk to your brother tell him you're sorry your dad is being such a moron and you hate how he compares all of your kids. (We just went through a family war bc MIL manipulated her sons by things she said about the others and their wives. If we would have talked w/o MIL it would have been a whole lot better). 

While it sucks that he won't be at Christmas understand that he needs to do this for his family and himself. It will be hard enough on him.

If you talk to your dad/mom be frank that they need to stop comparing your parenting to brother's parenting. You are two different people with different kids/lives/expectations. That needs to be understood and respected by your parents.

 

xbrooklyngrl

I don't think your brother will take it like that at all coming from you. It sounds like you do truly believe they are good parents and I like that you think your dad is wrong for always comparing. I'm sure your brother will appreciate having your support on it and making a joke out of dad for it.

Dad does need to apologize and shut up though.

NewNameSameGame

So, I called my brother.  He's sooooo hurt.  And so is my SIL.  I chatted with him and let him know that I think he's a great parent, so is my SIL and that our dad is just a jackhole.  

his big thing.....and I so agree with my brother....is that even if our dad apologizes, the words are out, its been said, you can't put toothpaste back in the tube....so the bridge has been burnt.

So, my brother and SIL are over hanging out with my dad....my brother said he'd never play golf with my dad again.  And that the only time he will go to my parents house is if we are over there so the cousins can play.

 

r9stedt

Geez, R.  What a rotten time for family drama.  I agree, though once those words have been spoken, you can't try to forget that they have been said.

  

CTFandme

what a crummy situation. I was going to say the same thing about the words already being spoken .   Hopefully your bro and SIL can get over this in time.  It sucks that you're in the middle...and your mom...good luck.