Dreading Christmas with the Family

sophiemarie18

This is probably going to be a long one, but I just need to get it out...

Last year, we found out about my missed miscarriage on 12-23, so I spent the five hour drive to Indiana crying my eyes out.  Christmas was a blur of me trying not to cry in front of everyone and everyone giving me sad looks and hugs.  I began to miscarry the day after Christmas, and was in a lot of pain, so our plans were really cut short.  As a result, I'm really worked up about Christmas this year. I just have such bad memories of last year, and even though this pregnancy is going well, it makes me so sad to think of how it was then and how we should be bringing a baby in our arms to this Christmas rather than in my belly.

To make it worse, my mom called yesterday and said that my youngest sister is going to be staying the night Christmas eve too.  She didn't show up for Thanksgiving (which was actually a relief), but I just can't stand the thought of looking at her--she really disgusts me.  She has a lot of issues (bipolar-refuses her meds, on and off drugs, compulsive lying), and she only shows up when she wants something.  In the past three years (she is only 20) she has only talked to me maybe 5 times (she seems to try to hide her ugliness from me for some reason--yet she shows it to everyone else).  DH and I gave her our old car, a new kitchen table, and other things when she graduated hs and got her own place, and she sold all those things for drugs.  She takes from my parents and grandparents, and all she gives in return is grief.  She attacked my other sister on facebook, and calls or shows up to only scream at my parents about how much she hates them and is glad for her "new family."  

Here is the kicker.  In October, I found out she was pregnant--the last anyone had seen her was in June and she looked heavier (I thought she must have gotten clean), but not pregnant.  Plus, she calls herself a lesbian (but this changes every other week), so this was a shock.  She told the family that she was being a surrogate for her ex-girlfriend's sister and her husband since they couldn't have kids together (although he had two of his own from a previous gf).  She insisted that they didn't have sex, but they used an online insemination kit (turkey baster, anyone?).  Not sure if I believe that as it sounds like she and the husband simply had too much fun one night.

None of them have any money so our tax dollars paid for the prenatal care, etc, and the drama just continues.  The people she supposedly surrogated for got separated, but she still stayed with the husband and his kids, then the couple got back together and she wasn't sure if she wanted to give them the baby, but somehow now they are all living together as her "new family" (my sister, the exgirlfriend's sister, her dh, and the baby, plus the couple's other kids).  It is so confusing to me, it is like my sister is more of a live-in nanny to the baby and older kids, and as a teacher, I really worry about the children involved in this situation. 

I guess I'm just really hurt, confused, and disgusted by the whole thing. My sister knew about our loss, and decided to magically make herself pregnant less than a month later?  She told my mom she hid the pregnancy to protect me, but seriously? If she cared about my feelings (or anyone else's) why would she do that? And not to mention her drug problems, the fact that she has no car, job, or money, and why bring an innocent baby into that? Plus, how do they explain it to the other older kids?

I don't know. It sounds like MUD, and I really wish it was.  I am just dreading Christmas due to last year and the added drama and awkwardness that my sister is going to cause this year.  I feel like I have to "play nice" for my mom's sake, but I really just want to scream at my sister.  Plus, now my mom is upset that my dh and I refuse to buy a gift for my sister since we've given her things before and they've all been sold.  I'm just hoping I can stay calm and survive the whole event.  I usually end up sick over this kind of thing (our family has a long history of dysfunction and that is apparently how I cope) and I really don't want to get all worked up because I know that's not good for this baby. 

Sheesh, if you made it this far, you deserve a gold medal. Thanks for listening.

DowagerCountessofNJ

Yikes!  HUGE HUGS to you and DH. 

KCKSarah

Oh man...no fun at all.  Hang in there!