Peeved and need advice.. Long Vent

alandals

Sooo I was talking to my grandma the other day and happened to mention having baby sleep in our room/in bed with us. She stopped me dead in my tracks and said "No, no, no... absolutely not." and started going on and on about how dangerous co-sleeping is and how hard it is going to be to get baby out of bed when he gets older and how my child will never learn to soothe himself or be independent. She also proceeded to tell me a horror story about someone she knows who woke up one morning to give his daughter a bottle and put her back in bed with them and woke up in the morning and she had suffocated... FIRST of all, when the F did you become my boss? I am a grown, married woman.. i am young yes, but stupid and clueless: NO. SECOND, why would you tell a pregnant woman a story like that? THIRD, don't talk to me like a child. I began to explain to her that it's a personal choice that DH and I have made and think there are a lot of benefits for everyone involved.. baby would have to be in our room anyway because we only have one bedroom right now and I'm not about to set up shop for our child in the damn living room! I've done my research and know whats going on. She wasn't even polite about disagreeing with me and it really pissed me off. Since that conversation I've seen her again and just in conversation the same topic has come up and she went out of her way to bring up all the same ***. She added something about a show that she watched showing negative light on cosleeping. Damn lady. Just because you didn't do it with your kids doesn't make it wrong!! I ended up just telling her that it was quite a while away for it to even be happening and it's not really something I want to discuss right now.

I'd really like to know how to kindly tell her that I don't give a *** about her opinion... I mean value her opinion. I don't even know if she means well or is just trying to be nasty and make me feel small.

Sorry this is so long and pissy but I really needed this. 

konaboomom

When people are really in my face about my parenting decisions, I "kindly" remind them that they already got to raise their children, I will raise mine the way I see fit and I don't need their opinions or permission.

konaboomom

When people are really in my face about my parenting decisions, I "kindly" remind them that they already got to raise their children, I will raise mine the way I see fit and I don't need their opinions or permission. Also, I find bed sharing to be a real hot topic, so I only mention it to people who are more receptive of the idea. I think I read somewhere that 80% of parents bed share at some point, so you can throw out that statistic too. I have yet to meet a parent who did not at least take a nap with their child at some point in their infancy. Be strong mama, you know what's best for your LO.

alandals

Oh thank you That's a good reminder to use.. I'll have to remember it.

ChibiMommy

I'm sorry your Grandmother doesn't respect your choices.  Everyone in my family bed shares.  I had a hard fight over my choice not to circ DS. My ENTIRE family knows the status of my DS penis because my gran called and told them to call me and get me to change my mind.

Like pp said I just remind them to mind their own business. 

NativeFloridian

It's kind of hard to shake off those folks who are, *ahem*, well-seasoned in life, but sometimes you just have to be a ***.  She's not bothering to sugar-coat her opinion of things, so you really shouldn't sugar-coat yours.  Tell her, plain and simple, that you've made your decision and will be undeterred in proceeding as planned.  Any further attempt on her part to bring up the subject would be (if it were me) met with a simple, "That's not up for discussion," and a change of topic.  And if she has a problem with that, well, she can either can it and deal or go away until the temptation of your LO brings lures her back in.  But I just feel like you should make it clear to her that it is NOT negotiable and NOT up for discussion, at any point, period.  There is no reason at all for her to be so catty about it, and she certainly has no say.

Kestrel84

https://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

This is a good source of info.  If you want, print out some research, give it to her, and tell her you don't want to hear anything she has to say regarding co-sleeping until she reads it.  But seriously, at the end of the day, your decisions are your own and sometimes you just have to let those comments go. 

mrstice

i find that people who act like that have absolutely no interest in hearing the reasoning for the parenting choices we make, so i make no attempt to explain myself. if a simple "thanks for your opinion" won't suffice, i usually make some snarky comment like, "don't worry, i won't make you sleep with him when he's ten" or "don't worry, i'll make sure you don't have to spend time with him if he's spoiled"

hang in there mama. unfortunately, this is probably just the tip of the iceberg!

KateLouise

The line I've learnt that stops people in their tracks. "I care more about this baby than you do."

If I'm being polite I preface it with, "thanks for your thoughts..." 

HappyMommy28

DH and I don't tell people that do not agree with our parenting choices.  Our families would FLIP if  they knew we were planning on co sleeping.  Right now we can't because I had an emergency c section and can't climb into bed so I'm sleeping on the couch.  Anyways - we have one of those co sleeper bed things that we will be using.  As of right now - DS sleeps in a bassinet.

someflower6

ugh, that's tough. maybe try killing her with kindness? say something like "grandma, thank you for caring so much about this baby. i want you to know i value your opinion and will think about what you said." and leave it at that?

you don't have to tell her you changed your mind, but you don't have to tell her you didn't either. you can always play the "we are open to all sorts of possibilities and will just have to see what works best when baby gets here." who knows, maybe you really wont like co-sleeping... i would have loved to co-sleep but it just wasn't happening for us!

hang in there mama... everyone has an opinon... always...

BelhurstBride

Random story.

DH and I used to have a ball python. Every time we'd see my grandmother she'd have a new story about how someone's pet snake attacked and killed them. Actually, she'd do the same thing regarding dogs attacking owners. (We have two boxers, but my grandmother can' tell the difference between them and a pit bull.) Anyway, we learned real quick that we had to stop her in her tracks the minute she opened her mouth. It got to where we weren't even that nice about it anymore. We'd simply tell her that there are responsible pet owners (parents/bedsharers/ect) and irresponsible pet owners (parents/besharers/ect) and that we hoped she respected us enough to recognize that we were responsible.

It hasn't stopped her completely- I think the fact that she's 86 has something to do with it- but it helps. Not to mention that now we have a baby with two mean, horrible dogs, bedshare and BLW... she doesn't even know where to start.

wifeandmama

mrstice:

i find that people who act like that have absolutely no interest in hearing the reasoning for the parenting choices we make, so i make no attempt to explain myself. if a simple "thanks for your opinion" won't suffice, i usually make some snarky comment like, "don't worry, i won't make you sleep with him when he's ten" or "don't worry, i'll make sure you don't have to spend time with him if he's spoiled"

hang in there mama. unfortunately, this is probably just the tip of the iceberg!

ha, that is PERFECT!

What I have found work is just keeping my mouth shut.  If someone asks me about BF or sleeping or whatever "controversial" thing it may be, I will tell them (in a short, to the point manner) and then just smile and nod.  I know I can't really change any minds just as I know they won't change mine!