Coping with early Miscarriage

BellaVita 10.22

Hi Ladies,

I want to tell you in advance how sorry I am for your loss.

I had a very early miscarriage. I had a perfectly healthy first pregnancy and gave birth to a little prince in 2009. This was our first month trying and I was so excited when we got pregnant right away. Unfortunately, I started bleeding at 5w4d and there was no sac in the u/s. I was devastated and cried for a week. I just finished bleeding and a follow up u/s revealed that the uterus is very clean. I just have a corpus luteal cyst in one ovary which was producing hormones for the pregnancy. I'm better now but my cousin just told me last week that his wife is expecting (unexpectedly). I'm happy for them but it's so hard because her due date is 11 days later than what mine would have been. People still congratulate me and I have to break the news to them...so hard. 

The dr. said to wait after one cycle but I'm having a hard time. Part of me wants to try again right away but another part of me is terrified of going through this again. We would love to complete our family with a little girl, and I'm so emotional that I'm scared of what I'll feel if we don't end up having one. I know a baby is a blessing no matter what the sex is but even the grandparents are hoping for a girl. I'm feeling pressure from all sides and I already feel like I disappointed everyone by losing the baby, even though it's no ones fault. 

Anyone else feeling this way? 

Thanks for letting me vent. 

vitan

I am very sorry for your loss. A loss at any stage is hard. I, too, had an early pregnancy loss; Chemical Pregnancy. I had been prepped for the worst because my betas were so low and not even close to doubling but hoping for a miracle. At 5 weeks 4 days, I passed a clot and went into urgent care where they did an u/s and saw no sac either. ( 2 days later I bled heavy and my betas plummeted. I was devastated.When I saw my OB she suggested I wait one cycle to clear out my lining and at that point I was torn as well. I wanted so desperately to try again but I was so scared that I would go through the pain again. Naturally, after a week or so, I slowly started to accept what was God's will. I chart and I took solace in knowing that my body was going through it's motions and I can't wait until we try again.

I think it's still so new to you that you are scared of everything. Just go through the motions (the anger, the pain, grieving) and one day you'll feel the lift of your heavy heart. ((big hugs)) to you during this difficult time.

vitan

On a lighter note...I love your son's name.

That's my furbaby's name and I love him to bits!

dana1318a

I am so sorry for your loss   My doctor told me to wait 3 cycles, and I go back and forth between wanting to try right away, and wanting to listen to my OB.  I think it's normal to feel that way, because we're all so scared of what could happen, and now we know how devastating it is if god forbid it does happen. 

I also think that it's normal to prefer one sex over the other, but I think that when it comes time to find out what you're having, you (and your family) will be thrilled whether it is a girl or another little boy!  Deep down, I think all that really matters to any of us is that we have a healthy baby, but it is fun to imagine what it would be like with one or the other.

Shawnly82

I understand completely.  We are very blessed to have our babies that we do have.  Like yours my first was picture perfect and she is healthy so losing this one at 8 weeks was devastating.  I went through the blame on myself of what did I do, hating my body, it was so hard and still is.  We were hoping so much for a boy this time so I completely understand.  We had told all of our family and it was so hard to untell them and then they just act weird around you.  I feel that things wont be okay until I am pregnant again. I will never forget, but I think it will make it easier.  Although I am scared, I was told to wait one cycle and even though I want to try right away I think the month is good for me to relax before I am freaking out again when I get that BFP if something else will happen.  We too got pregnant the first month of trying and DD was unexpected.  So I'm pretty sure we are going to follow the Dr.s advice and wait because if it's even easier after a MC and I did end up pregnant again I would be terrified and if something happened I would probably blame myself for not waiting.  Also I had a lot of days that I was just crying all day and didn't want to do anything.  I realized this just was not fair to DD and she deserved her mommy to be there for her.  She has helped me tremendously through this.  Good luck and just take one day at a time.

JNS023

Loss is so hard.  Part of what I love about being a woman is my ability to love so deeply so quickly.  We fall in love with our babies almost the moment we get that BFP, so yeah it hurts when we lose that LO.  I was 9w6d when I found out I had a blighted ovum, and really thought I was basically in the clear that far along (even though I know better...).  My MW said 2 cycles would be great to wait, but now I'm wondering, too.  I don't chart, just use a period/cycle tracker on my phone that seems relatively accurate.  I think when my bleeding stops we will just go about business as usual and let God do what he's got planned.

 

adamfam

I am also sorry for your loss.  I also had a very healthy first pregnancy and healthy DD.  Like you, I had an early miscarriage, but it caught me completely off guard. Although it was early, it really affected me.  Good luck as you try to figure out if and when you will TTC again. I am struggling with the same questions now myself- its hard!

BellaVita 10.22

Thanks so much ladies. It's nice to hear that others can relate even though I don't wish these feelings on anyone. I too firmly believe that God has a plan even if we don't see it or understand it. 

 @Shawnly82, I agree about family sometimes acting weird. My in laws didn't really know how to react and for days didn't talk to me about it, which only made me feel worse. 

Hope everyone has a nice holiday regardless of our circumstances.

kimmiekp

Yes... I feel like I have let everyone down.  DH's parents do not have any grand kids, at least my parents do.  Thankfully they act as if it never happened. I'm weird and the only person I really want to talk to about all of this is my mom and DH.  (Possibly my girlfriend)... I'm very private about my body and what is going on with it. I didn't want DH to tell his parents because we've been through this again, but after we heard the heartbeat we thought we were in the clear. I was so excited and talking about the baby and making plans... and then there I am... having another miscarriage and they are without the chance of a grandchild AGAIN....I think it's natural to feel this way, but believe me, your family does NOT think you let them down. They are sad for you, sad for your loss and sad for their loss too, but this was NOT your fault... there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.  It happened to ALL of you... Don't ever blame yourself.

7/04Bride

I'm so sorry about your loss.  It looks like so many of us replying to your post are in the same boat.  My miscarriage info is in my signature.  This second one has definitely hit me even harder because I felt so confident that I would have a healthy pregnancy.  What are the chances it will happen to me TWICE in a row?!  I just really want to be pregnant again, but my doctor wants me to wait until I get my period to make sure everything is cleared out and so I know things are up and running again.  I thought about going against doctors' orders, but I know she has good reasons for wanting me to wait.  Hang in there.  Try to keep yourself busy with various projects.  The Christmas season is actually helping me quite a bit, even though I was planning on telling our families I was pregnant at Christmas if all was looking good at that point.