I feel like a horrible person

jenn0021

My SIL is due December 24th. I know this is an exciting time for them and obviously they are happy but it is driving me crazy! I have been avoiding her at all costs for the past couple of months and the closer we get to the due date and the bigger her belly is the more I want to run away and hide. I'm so jealous of her and I can't stand that she is having a baby and I'm not. And then I feel guilty and like a horrible person and that I shouldn't be thinking this way and that I should be happy for her. But I'm not.

My husband and I are flying to Jamaica on Saturday and I keep hoping that she will have the baby while we're gone so that I don't have to go and visit them in the hospital. I feel so evil for thinking this way. And then my husband gets upset because it's his sister. He just doesn't understand how I feel.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? Will it be better when the baby is born?

IslandEnchantress

I honestly couldn't tell you if it will be better, but I really hope it does get easier. Meanwhile I hope you have an amazing time in Jamaica!!! I hope you get plenty of beach time and I hope you have plenty of time to relax!!

vitan

You're not a horrible person. You are owning your feelings and that's okay. Are you completely not happy for her because you don't care for her as a person either? I think that's what would make it harder. And don't feel like you need to be overly excited for her. I always felt that that was something between the couple expecting and the grandparents. Try not to vent to your DH about how you feel because you're right, he doesn't understand. He's taking it as an insult to his sister. Whenever you say anything say how it makes you feel not what it has to do with her.

My heart goes out to you but I do hope you enjoy your Jamaican trip! You deserve it honey. Don't let anything rob you of that time with your husband.  

Fallon621

Hi. I know everyone on here says it but I am so very sorry for your loss.

I know exactly what you are feeling, try having her live with you.  My SIL Is pregnant with her third child and with a man she has only known for a few months. she got PG on purpose to trap him because he has money that is not my opinion it is what she said to me but not in so many words.  The kickers: she is due on MY BIRTHDAY a few days before I would have been due and she is staying with us untill after christmas when her BF gets their house approved!!!  I hate to say that I hate to have to see her every single day.  I didnt like her much to begin with because of the kind of person she is but now every single time I see her, I want to punch her in the face.  sounds horrible... I know but thats what im feeling and it is ok for you to feel jealousy.  I am jealous of every single pregnant woman I see IRL although I havnt been out in public much (only docs and hospital) I do still have to go to see my MW and there are always pregnant woman in there. 

I had an appointment today and was in my room waiting just looking at the sonogram Gel made me break down and cry then I hear that AMAZINGGGG swooshing sound of a babys heart beat and I just about lost it.   I should have been in there listening to my babys heart beat not getting more blood work done to see if everything is out!

I hope things get better for you soon and if you ever want to talk write me a message on here because I know exactly what you are feeling right now.

adamfam

 I dont think you are a horrible person at all. Its tough just seeing/hearing about casual aquaintenances' pregnancies...I do not know what I would do if a close relative were due soon!  Hope you have a fabulous time in Jamaica and you come back refreshed!

kimmiekp

There is something inherently more stressful about someone in your family being pregnant while you're going through a miscarriage.  I had a miscarriage on mother's day - and on that day my cousin's wife told everyone they were expecting (at a big family gathering while I'm curled up on a lawn chair in crampy misery... ) thankfully she didn't know I was going through that and she didn't know that I was totally jealous of her and that her being pregnant made it so hard for me.  The other factor, my sister is getting married in February, I told her I was pregnant last month and she said "oh we'll be right behind you, we're going to start trying the first of the year"... if my baby sister has a baby before me I might just lose my mind.  How do we deal with this? I do NOT know.. 

DragonflyBelle

I am surrounded by new and almost due pregnant people in my family and co-workers. Honestly, I just want to hold a newborn and ease these aching arms just for a minute.  I completely understand you, but I would want to be there right now so I could just hold him/her.