J&A2008

nictel

Hi!

I read your post about ADHD and wanted to comment, but didn't get a chance until today, and now it's on the second page, so I'm afraid you'll miss this. 

Please take this as it's meant - with kindness from someone who's been there.  I have ADHD - Inattentive Type, but wasn't diagnosed until I was a Freshman in college.  I was in gifted classes, but struggled and struggled in school.  I did my best to compensate, but without any professional 'help', study aids, untimed tests, therapy, and 'understanding' I suffered and did not live up to my abilities.  Finally, in college, I was unable to cope academically and went and saw an neuropsychologist.  I was diagnosed and started receiving the support and help I needed.  I graduated and was able to get a great job.  I can promise you, without the diagnosis and support it brought, I would not have graduated from college. 

I am still angry at my parents for not getting me help sooner.  My mother was in education, and should have recognized the signs since I was in kindergarten.  My teachers should have recommened an evaluation instead of writing things like 'gifted but lacks motivation', 'smart but inattentive', 'horribly disorganized', 'unable to complete long-term assignments'. etc etc.  If I had gotten help sooner, my life would have been different.  I might have gotten into a top university, had different connections, a different job, etc etc.  It could have been life-changing.  There is nothing negative about having an ADHD label.  Teachers will understand that your child needs help and is not to blame, instead of thinking that your child is stupid, lazy, or being raised by ineffective parents.  Trust me, without a diagnosis, they will think those things.  Without an official diagnosis, your son will still have ADHD (if that is what is determined) but will not have any support.  It will not go away, but can become a blessing if channeled appropriately. 

I had teachers just like the one you described.  Rigid, unwilling to help, seemingly unfair about assignments, etc.  But looking back, I realize that those teachers were teaching to those students who did not have ADHD and did not need help.  A student without ADHD should not need to have assignments broken down, or due dates told way ahead of time.  They should be able to effectively manage the workload.  However, if those teachers knew I had ADHD, they would have offered help and support.  I would have had an IEP. and it would have been mandated by law.  They would have had no choice. 

You sound like a loving, concerned mom.  Here's your opportunity to really advocate for your son.  Consider getting your son evaluated and diagnosed.  It will save him years of frustration and anguish, and likely anger towards you for not getting him the help he needs and deserves.  I would give anything to go back and time and get help, instead of living with regret.  You can change his life for the better by getting him some help. 

EDITED TO ADD:  My 2 and 1/2 year old son has childhood apraxia of speech, so I see this from the point of view as a mother as well.  No one wants to have a child classified as special needs, but I will do ANYTHING to get him the help he needs, which in our case is multiple therapies 5 times a week.

J&A2008

Thanks!

We are working on it.  Our next appt. is next week and we'll talk more then.  My DH was put on Ritalin when he was a kid and he hated everything about it.  We've been moving very slowly because we don't want to rush into anything and we want to avoid medication (although we've been told that the prescriptions are no where near as bad as when DH was a kid). 

I've gotten so many responses on the ADHD issues, which really wasn't my question, but I appreciate you taking the time to write a lengthy response.  By no means are we ignoring his needs, and we will make the best decision we can.  I just hate that after everything he accomplished last year, we're back to square one.  I hear what you're saying that this could make his life easier, which sounds great.

nictel

Thank you so much for your kind response.  I was so afraid to write anything, because I really didn't want to be so nosy or offensive.  My late diagnosis has been on my mind lately, since my son was diagnosed with apraxia.  It has been so stressful trying to get him the right kind of help.  I know there is such a stigma with any sort of 'label'.  I'm living it with my son now.  I remind myself that labels get support, and my son definitely needs it.  Please don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable.  I went to a good college, had a good corporate job (I now SAH) and have a great husband.  But I know I could have done better and acheived more with the right kind of help.  At least I have the chance to make things right with my son.  I am now working hard trying to balance his therapy with just having fun and being a two and a half year old! 

You're right too about medication.  Ritalin worked, but the side effects were really crappy.  The medications that are out there these days are totally different.  No side effects.  And medication isn't right for everyone, although I wouldn't rule it out yet.  Even behavioral help, study supports etc, make a huge difference.  And a diagnosis gave me back my self-esteem.  I realized that I wasn't stupid.  My parents stopped punishing me for losing things and being 'irresponsible'.  It repaired our relationship.  Those two things there might have been the best gifts of all.

Have faith!  Good luck!!!  I'm mostly on SN trying to get advice about speech disorders, but I lurk here, SAHM, and toddlers 24+ if you have any questions.

Sounds like you have wonderful kids