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2nd Trimester
1st Timers-Consider this about who in the room...
Wondering whom to have in the room with you? Consider this...
Yes, childbirth is a miracle and it's an honor to witness it first-hand for anyone. However, there are several factors to consider before you invite anyone into the room with you for labor and delivery.
1. Are you a private or conservative type person? Would you want your mom or MIL or anyone else in the bathroom with you when you're going #1 or #2? Well - if they are in the delivery room with you that's pretty much what they'll see. I hate to tell you this, but most women poop when they push baby out. I did, my friend did - it's very common. Some don't, but most do, do-do, lol. Also - if you have an epi - you'll also have a urinary catheter inserted that everyone will get to see sticking out of you and a bag of urine at your bedside when you're delivering.
2. When you are really stressed out, pissed off, angry - is your mom or MIL the person you really want around to comfort you? Or does your mom tend to drive you batty? Is she a worrier? If for some reason the baby has to be examined or god forbid has a need for some kind of treatment after coming out, will her anxiety make it easier or worse for you?
3. Yes, your mom has seen you naked - but hopefully it's been a long time since then, lol. But does she or your MIL or anyone else need to see your swollen vag with all that stuff coming out? Yes, childbirth is beautiful - but it's also kinda gross. Don't worry though, your DH will forget all about it in like two weeks when he thinks you should want sex again, lol...
Overall - this is a very special time. For you, for baby, for DH. It's the one time you'll really get to bond for the first time and it will NEVER happen again. Give yourself the time to meet your baby, to nurse right away if you want to, to let your partner meet his child for the first time. These moments are precious and fleeting.
My advice - if you are okay with all those people seeing you go through all of this then you are waaay braver than I, lol. But you may want to consider having them go to the waiting room when the pushing starts. They can all wait to see the baby about an hour or so after it's born, when you are all cleaned up/stitched/nursed/etc. Keep their visit right after brief - you have no idea how tired you're going to be after this and you'll need to rest.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 1st Timers-Consider this about who in the room...
How about letting people make their own decisions without trying to guise your "helpful" points behind what you think they should do.
I'm not judging people who just want DH in the room, and I don't judge people who want others either. I want my mother in the room with me if possible because we are very close, I want her there for support. Plus, she is a nurse and I like the idea of having an extra medical person there who is going to advocate for me. I would honestly be really upset if she can't be there. I don't care if she sees my vag, I guess I'm weird that way.
I totally understand people who just want the two of them in the room though. To each their own.
Seriously get over yourself. The whole point is to be helpful because no one ever really prepares you for what childbirth is really like. It's next to impossible to make an "informed" decision if you've never been through it.
If you don't want to hear about what others have been through, don't read posts like this.
Andplusalso, is there anything she said that is new information? Or are there people out there who expect to push their babies out in one lady like second while clutching their pearls?
Oh pot, get over yourself. This is not my first time around the merry-go-round and "post like this" don't scare me off. It's the preachy tone you take on making women who want more than DH in the room feel like they need to second guess themselves that is unnecessary.
Ehh I don't think she meant it that way. I think the OP was just giving Ist timers something to think about. I know a lot of first time mom are more concerned with making sure no ones feelings are hurt than taking time to think about what they want and what they are comfortable with.
I only had DH (and he was great) in the room but I would have been fine with my mom and sister there, but our whole families are OOT and I was 10 days early. It was hard and scary and stressful..and I pooped on the table while pushing! I think most people realize it's not a walk in the park, and you may be surprised as to who will help you the most! Also, people don't have to stand at the foot of the bed and WATCH, they can help hold your legs or stand by your head. This post just kind of put a negative spin on things.
ETA: At the point of being in labor I could care less who saw a bag of pee, I never even realized/thought about it! I was happy to have a catheter!
Exactly this. My family all lived far away, I didn't have a bunch of friends who had babies to tell me anything about what this would be like and I wish I had. It was other ladies around here that give you the reality of their experiences so you can make your own choice with some sort of idea on what to expect.
I can't control how you interpret things, obviously you have an issue and think I'm being all preachy but that is how you're taking it, not how it is intended at all. But like I said, if you don't like posts like this in the first place - why are you reading it and why bother commenting on it?
Yeah I'm a first-timer and I was also thinking that this is somewhat obvious. Have none of us read up on what childbirth is like at all? Though I kinda really like the pearl-clutching-one-second option... where do I sign up for that?
I definitely do get what you are saying. I have seen my childhood friend give birth twice and I definitely know it ain't pretty at all!
All I want is DH and my mom with me. Those are two people that I know for a fact will not make my anxiety levels go up.
I agree, most people understand things aren't going to be all rainbows and butterflies... but you should have met the women in my childbirth class with my first pregnancy... it was scary the level of "duh" in that room sometimes. Good for you that your DH was so great though
Mine was - um, okay. He held my leg and watched everything - he didn't cut the cord an honestly I didn't care really about that. My issue with him was he was totally no help with the whole labor part though. He kept pushing me to get the epi for a long time before I actually ended up getting it... because he didn't want to watch me in pain. It's sweet that he felt that way, but I think this time around I might try to have a real labor coach, like a doula in the room 
Here's hoping we don't need the epi this time around - but if it happens it happens.
I know what you mean about it not being pretty. But my mom passed away and my BF is about useless when it comes to blood and things of this nature. He may actually pass out. I would like to think that he won't but he may at least need to leave. So I would like to have someone else in there with me. And my SIL or my MIL will probably be the choice. MIL is more likely because she doesn't work. And although its weird to have her look at all of that, I would rather have someone else as backup.
ETA: Though if my sister is available to leave med school to come down, I might have her in there to test her lol.
DH was really great, but he had strict instructions! Well, I labored for 10 hours and pushed for 3 only to end up with a c/s, and I am having a scheduled one this time as well. The one thing I WISH people had told me about was the bleeding, like the pools of blood that splash out of you when you stand up and the 6 weeks of bleeding...no one EVER mentioned that!! My poor DH was traumatized when I first stood up!!!
Well I kinda see his point. I mean, it's his baby too after all. He has every right to feel his parents should get to see the baby right away if yours are.
It depends on your definition of "immediately". A lot depends on if you need to be stitched up or if you nurse right away really. If you're squeamish about your FIL seeing that then just have him come in after that part is finished, it really doesn't take more than 10-15 minutes if you have minor tears. Lol, remind your DH that his FATHER will be seeing you "down there" and see what he thinks.
If you push out and they take baby away to be cleaned up right away, then why not let him come in with your mom? As long as they are huddled around and taking photos of baby at the other side of the room then I guess your doc could just pull the curtain a little while you are getting cleaned up and placenta stuff is going on.
I agree. And you never know what will happen, if you have a c-section everyone will end up seeing/holding the baby before you anyway. I wouldn't deny DH of having his father there to see the baby as long as I wasn't exposed!
dbertagni - "DH was really great, but he had strict instructions! Well, I labored for 10 hours and pushed for 3 only to end up with a c/s, and I am having a scheduled one this time as well. The one thing I WISH people had told me about was the bleeding, like the pools of blood that splash out of you when you stand up and the 6 weeks of bleeding...no one EVER mentioned that!! My poor DH was traumatized when I first stood up!!! "
lol, I know right? Even with the vaginal delivery it wasn't pretty for several days. They gave me these awesome pad-sized ice packs and the mesh panties weren't the sexiest either but there was no way I was going to wear my own and ruin them for a while
I bled a lot the first say 3-4 days and then after that it was more like a period for another 4 weeks-ish. The part that I really wish I had warning about was the CRAMPS! OMG they knocked me over. They were harder than labor pains - and they didn't go away after a minute or two! Thank goodness my OB gave me a Rx for percoset and giant ibuprofin...
To think about it though, I really like my MIL. It's my own mom that would drive me insane, lol. My MIL had 7 babies - but she did them all the old fashioned way - twilight sleep - so she really didn't do anything. She went to sleep and woke up with a baby next to her all 7 times. She's a pretty tough cookie though, but don't think she could help me with the labor stuff though since she never really went through it herself.
My OB is away for another month b/c he had shoulder surgery, but when he comes back for my next appt in January I'm going to ask him if he knows any good labor coaches or doula's in the area. I don't need them to help with the birth really, just the labor part and the contractions. I was lucky last time, I pushed DD out in 20 minutes.
I agree - if they can cover you up a little while he's in the room, or pull a curtain around you while they do the cleanup part so he can see the baby with your mom, it's only fair. It's not about us anymore once the baby comes out, lol...
Make a pregnancy ticker
There are really pregnant women that don't think about how the baby comes out the vagina?
I weep for those who found this informative.
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If one single person holds my kid other than DH if I have another c-section there will be hell to pay. What kind of hospital allows this? Seeing the baby, sure. Holding it, hell no.
In all seriousness, I am the most conservative prude on a normal basis. I cringe when I have to undress for a doctor, I don't like to let people see me naked at all.
I had an epidural and went through 24 hours of labor. But when it came time to push I didn't have th heart to kick anyone, and I really didn't give two sh*ts about who was int he room.
My original plan was to have me and DH. But when I delivered, my mom and sister held my legs while my DH stood behind me holding my hand, and my Dad stood next to the delivery room door behind a curtain where he couldn't see anything, but he was in there when she was born.
My Dad was the last person I would have expected to stick around. And i certainly didn't think that many people would see me naked without me caring...but SERIOUSLY, it wasn't a big deal.
I don't know, it just seemed like FOREVER until I actually held DD. DH was all over the place with her, taking photos, giving baths, shampooing her hair, getting shots, etc!!
I'll have my mom and DH in the room, and the OP didn't make me feel like I need to second guess myself. It's her opinion, and these are things I have already thought about in making my decision. I have seen quite a few births, and if someone has never been through or seen one, they really may not know what to expect. I believe she was just trying to be helpful. I honestly don't know why some people feel the need to start arguments on here.
Know-it-all moms with one whole kid also get old.
When Michelle Duggar shows up, I'll take notice.
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Did you not notice this post was for FIRST-timers!?! I am one, and I appreciate that KatieWill2006 put the information out there this way. I already had my qualms about my mother and MIL being in the room... and this was a great reminder of why I will be asking them to wait in the waiting room during the pushing... If the post isn't addressed to you, then you really shouldn't be downing the OP for giving advice she thinks is important, especially when her intended audience may also feel the same.
I'm a "special snowflake" case. My BF of 3+ years hit the road when he found out I was pregnant. So does that mean I should be alone in the delivery room??? Heck no. I want my mom and sister in there with me. Does that mean I want them all up in my area trying to catch the baby when it comes out? No thanks. They'll be just fine up by my head for all of the gory stuff.
Dittttttttttoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I am a first-timer and I just want to say -- do you honestly think I haven't already thought of these things? Yes I know there is blood, gore and other bodily fluids. I know I will be spread-eagle on a table exposing my bits to the world! It is no secret! Does that mean EVERYONE has to have their faces in my crotch though? No.
Just because we are first-timers does not mean we are dense, thank you.
Good lord people - if you don't want advice don't read posts like this. I love how trying to be helpful gets you attacked on here. And you guys are calling ME preachy and judgy?
Thank you! At no point in the OP did I say anything about me knowing better than you or that you have to do what I tell you to do. Just giving people things to think about so you can MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICE. If those points didn't bother you last time around or if you already know what you're going to do and consider - then obviously this wasn't geared for you.
If she shows up I have a LOT of questions about vagina wear tear for her!! :::prays iamaroundthatday::::
DD 2.0 ~ 12/30/2013
I agree w/ Gymnst and Patty.
Why wouldn't DH's father be allowed to see the baby at the same time as your parents? I understand not wanting a FIL in the room for delivery, but there is no reason you cannot be covered up so that the both sets of grandparents can come in. I think your DH is right on this one.
And I have it written in my birth plan - which is on file at the hospital and will be discussed that day, and in fact includes only this point and that I want an epi - that no one but DH may hold our child in the event of a c-section until I have. He knows the plan, and is on board, and I will make sure the nurses are aware as well. I adore my family, they can hold her all they want - after I get to.
Really to tell you the truth... When I was in labor the last thing i was worried about was if i was going to poop or what my vag looked like.. I just wanted some one there who was supportive of my choice and could help me and be there for me!
That being said... My mom has birthed 6 children I didnt care WHAT she saw I just knew that I wanted her there for support..
My DH.. I didnt care what he saw either because thats LIFE and that was a life we made together so UM yeah he was gonna be there!
That's awful! I would have shanked someone who tried to hold my baby before me. DS went straight to DH's arms after he was wiped off, and DH was the only person to hold him until I did in the recovery room. I was annoyed enough that we didn't get at least an hour alone before ILs started showing up. We were never taken to different rooms, either.