Is this a man-thing or just a MY-man-thing?

OhioBobcat

DH is paid monthly so yesterday I sat down to work out our budget for next month. If I don't set a weekly amount available, he will go crazy bringing home munch/treats almost daily...chocolates, gummies, crisps, etc.

Well, not long back we had a change in circumstances and because DH is the only one working (I'm on call with a supply teaching agency who simply hasn't called me for any work) we got a bump in part of our income as here in the UK, depending on your income you earn a certain amount of child tax credits and working tax credits to supplement your income. He was thrilled at this and said that with the increase, we'd be fine without me having to work...in fact, he feels almost better off than me working part time 1-2 days/week.

It wasn't until I worked out the budget that I realised we have a lot of money tied up in clearing past debts (not even touching any of my student loans in the US, btw). So much is tied up, in fact, that I budgeted with all utilities and companies paid, we're left with about ?65 for the MONTH! The MONTH!!!! That's like $100 USD!! IMPOSSIBLE it seems!

So, that in mind, HIS biggest concern now is that he doesn't want DS to have a "crap" Christmas and basically get less toys than his cousin (who is 5 mos older)...yet insists he's not "keeping up with the Joneses" on this. Don't even get me started on the fact that we're also buying for DS's birthday as well.

We'll get a bit of Christmas money off his parents and DS will have some Birthday money off them as well, so it will tide us over for this month...but I'm just irritated that he's so bothered about gifts...and we haven't even gotten anything for our niece yet!

Maybe I just needed to vent, but I'm honestly so stressed now about what money we have left for the month and we haven't even finished getting what we planned to get (which wasn't even much) for DS's Christmas -- he currently has ONE present from us.

I feel like DH just doesn't "get" it and that if HE were trying to sort the finances we'd be screwed even more...he has NO idea!!

/vent

celiabwatson

I'm not sure if it's just your man but I can sympathize. After bills we also have $100 left for miscellaneous. Unfortunately that category includes clothes, shoes, car repairs and maintenance, travel, restaurants etc. So we really have nothing left over each month. We also were horribly in debt but we took out a loan from my MIL for $15,000 to pay it off. Now we just have the normal student loans, house and car debt as well as one credit card that has 0% interest and not much on it right now. The problem is that we have to start paying her back in January. It was nice because she gave us a year so while I was on maternity leave we had fewer bills. We'll see what happens in January. This year we're wrapping up toys our son already has. Also, I teach and have gotten several boxes of hand-me-down toys from parents of my students. We're more worried about paying bills than keeping up with the Joneses. I sympathize if your husband isn't on the same page. Perhaps you could show him your calculations? Or possibly do the math if you put some of the presents on a credit card show him how much they will actually cost in the long run and what that means for your budget while you're paying them off.

kcisthebombdotcom

The roles are reversed in my house-my DH is responsible with money whereas I am not. Luckily he keeps our spending habits in check and makes sure we continue to save a good amount of money. We live on a strict budget to make sure we can continue to build our savings even though I'm not working full time. It seems that you have to have a talk with DH and redo your budget. A great idea for someone who is an overspender is to take the debit card away from him and only give him a set amount of cash every week for spending. That will definitely curb the snack purchases since it's much easier to overspend when you're purchasing with a debit card.

I wouldn't worry about only having 1 gift for LO so far and only $100 left. We only got DS 3 gifts. He got a ton from his party and will probably get lots more from family at Christmas, so I'm not overly concerned. We got a few things to get some photo ops on Christmas morning (one being a $2 toy cell phone-lol) and that's it.

I don't know about your DS, but my kid is much more happy playing with a wooden spoon and a whisk than any toys, so really buying lots of toys at this age is a complete waste.

simplejude

My DH is the same way. He gets really upset, especially now that Myles is older, if it doesnt seem like we got enough for everyone. We are living paycheck to paycheck and there wasnt much left over for gifts, but we somehow found a way to buy for everyone, and give the kids a nice Christmas.

He goes through this every year, stressing about presents and how much we can give. I think it is just because he cares about his children and family and wants to make sure he is providing well for them. He doesnt ever want to dissapoint anyone.

I dont have any real advice for you, except just try to be encouraging to him and let him know that you will have a nice Christmas no matter what.

sasky

KC_13:

The roles are reversed in my house-my DH is responsible with money whereas I am not.

Same here.  So no, it's not a man thing.  I think it's a personality thing.  He keeps us both in check with our spending (thank god!) and makes sure all the bills are paid.  If I were to do it I would get easily overwhelmed and stressed.  It seems to come naturally to DH.

northernkate

sasky:

KC_13:

The roles are reversed in my house-my DH is responsible with money whereas I am not.

Same here.  So no, it's not a man thing.  I think it's a personality thing.  He keeps us both in check with our spending (thank god!) and makes sure all the bills are paid.  If I were to do it I would get easily overwhelmed and stressed.  It seems to come naturally to DH.

 

Same here! Makes life sooo much better...