Frustration

MrsAtch

I thought my miscarriage was finally over yesterday morning. I've bled for 2 weeks. And then mid-day I started bleeding again. It knocked the wind out of me all over again. And it doesn't help that I've had to work 23 hours in the last two days. I'm fried. So my two best friends and I gathered last night to decompress a little bit and when I got home DH informed me that his best friend was coming to stay with us- for 5 days. Starting Saturday until Wednesday he is going to be at our house. It's not that I have a problem with his friend- he's always been kind to me. And DH only sees him about once a year or once every other year because he's in the military (DH is too, but he's home right now because he's in school.) 

 I'm just completely overwhelmed that there is going to be someone I don't know well in my space for 5 days- especially when I can hardly keep myself together and I'm not really spending any time at all with people unless I have to, or unless we are extremely close. AND it's during the time I took a day off to try to reconnect with DH (we were going to take a day trip together), and right before Christmas. They virtually ignored me the last time his friend was at our house (for 9 days). He only makes the trip up before he deploys and I understand them wanting to get together. The timing is just really, really bad. 

 I'm trying really hard to be supportive, but I can't help but feel slighted, and hurt. I just hate feeling isolated in my own space, especially when I really need DH to lean on.

mdhealy676

I had a similar thing happen to me.  I miscarried on a Thursday and we had friends coming into town from out of state that weekend.  We had already cancelled the trip once but I asked DH to wave them off again.  It was a good friend of his and his wife, both of whom I had only met once.  They tried to change their plane tickets but it was too expensive so I suggested they still come but we put them up in a hotel.  We live in a townhouse so it's not like they could stay in one part of the house and I'd never know they were there. 

DH was willing to do whatever I wanted and at first I was really opposed to the visit.  I had to remember that he was going through the m/c too and that having a friend in town might be good for him--let him blow off steam and maybe talk about the loss on that level that only guys can relate to one another.  In the end they still came and stayed with us.  I didn't really do anything with them and left it up to DH to entertain them  It was a little hard on me but I just about everything was difficult that weekend anyway and I think it was really good for DH.

I'm sorry you're being put in a difficult situation and I understand that you're feeling not as important as you would like.  I hope your DH realizes that this visit needs to be a little different and he can't leave you out in the cold while you're dealing with this loss. 

MrsAtch

As always, Mdhealy you know the right thing to say. Thanks for listening to me vent. I know I'll get through this visit, and hopefully not too much worse for wear.