Family + Christmas = VENT

orlandolovin

we live an hour away from my family and on Christmas Eve, they all do a big party at my mom's house. for the last several years, DH and i have spent the night with my mom on Christmas Even and then traveled the hour to his parents on Christmas morning.

well, this year we have LO, so obviously the carefree, traveling lifestyle doesn't exactly work the same (especially since LO is HORRIBLE at going to bed. it's a fight EVERY NIGHT). plus, we want to start our own traditions as a family now. we told my mom that we won't be coming to the Christmas Eve party this year and she flipped her sh!t. "everyone is just going to be devastated. no one has EVER missed a Christmas Eve before just because they have a baby. WHEN i'm i supposed to see you?!"

 i get that this a CHANGE and change is hard to get accustomed to. BUT, this is her family's tradition and we've always participated. we're the young ones now with the new family and it's, frankly, our turn. she's welcome to travel the hour to see us, but we're the ones with the baby, so we're doing what's best for US now. not everybody else.

and now she'll be trashing me to the whole family because i'm a craptastic daughter. /vent 

mkanderson85

I see why she would be upset.  She probably expected your LO to be incorporated into the same old traditions.  That is what we are doing with my parents.  I was pissed when my sister said that she may not come in this year since she now has a son because we wouldn't be all together for Lisee's first Christmas (which is her son's first Christmas, too.) 

That being said, I'd be all kinds of pissed if my mom was sh*t talking me to other people.  Grown ups don't always act as such.

 

metzy144

It's sad that your mom is acting like that. I understand her being disappointed, but she should respect your decision. My immediate family always has a get together Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we go see extended family. This year DH and I decided to start our own Christmas Eve tradition and stay home with DD. We will then go to my parents house on Christmas morning. My parents completely understand and can't wait to see us Christmas Day! Hopefully she doesn't talk trash about you, that is very childish.

brown_bride07

Yeah- we are in the same boat (except my folks completely understand). We are going to dinner with mom and dad on Christmas Eve and spending Christmas day just the three of us - we will visit DH's family on the 26th.

orlandolovin

i should mention that i love the family party, but refuse to put LO through that. she's screamed at every family function she's been at so far and thanksgiving was the last straw.

i've been talking about this issue with my mom for the last several weeks and she's always saying, "do what's best for you," and "we'll make it work, whatever you decide." but she doesn't mean it. she only wants things her way. she only wants us to do all the work and traveling. we've been doing that for the last several years and we always said that once we had kids, things were going to have to change. she feels like since i'm her daughter, i should be spending the night and having christmas morning with her FOREVER. it can't possibly work that way. 

istalkgeeks

I can definitely see where your mom is coming from, to be honest. My mom has a big Christmas Eve thing every year and would be devastated if we didn't go. She also usually has a monopoly on Christmas morning and I finally get to go to my dad's Christmas night. This year we are only doing the Christmas Eve party and everyone else is welcome to come see us during Christmas day.

 You said she is welcome to come see you Christmas day, but does she normally have her own plans then? Either way, I would be irritated about her talking bad about you.

  

Luckie519

I am dealing with something similar also.  Except, DH and I decided we would do the normal family traditions this year, because DS is only 5 months and has no clue what is really going on.  We agreed to Christmas Eve at my parents (45 min south) and Christmas Day at my in-laws (75 min north).  My sister also had a baby in Oct., so my mom is really making Christmas Eve a big deal.  However, we told both families that next year we will not be running around like a bunch of crazies and that we plan on starting our own traditions.  We also were verbal about them being welcome at our home.  They weren't thrilled, but they are saying they understand.  We will see when next year rolls around.  Good luck.  This year both sides of the family have been "concerned" about what holidays were are where.  We have tried to split them up and be fair, but somethings gotta give!

angelame1979

I to understand where you mom is coming from.  We are continuing on with our family traditions that we have always had and starting new ones with LO as well.  Christmas is about being with family and you don't have to completely change everything you do because you have LO.  You just have to plan a little differently.  That being said, my mom would probably also understand too! 

ajtjirsnow

Holidays are CHAOTIC!! All families want to see new babies, but want you to run the baby around all day. I agree that you need to do what you want. And once LO is older maybe you'll change your mind. Our first xmas with DD! we asked people to come see us for the simple fact that she was 5 days old on xmas and we weren't about to travel with her. The second xmas we were living with my MIL (ugh is an understatement) and her and I got in a huge fight because she had volunteered to work Christmas morning (she worked for a nursing home) and thought we would just do Christmas the next day.. WHAT?! Her reasoning is that she wouldn't know the difference. She's crazy.

azsheena

I agree with you, OP and I think your mom is being unrealistic. I think it is a hard transition for everyone when you have your own family and want to start your own traditions. We are doing Christmas morning just us for the first time. Then we will go to my Mom's for dinner, which she serves at like 2:00 so it is more of a lunch anyway. Next year we will go to CA and spend Christmas with my in-laws, but that will be the only year- and only because LO will still be young enough that it doesn't really matter. After that, we will invite them here every other year. I want my kids to have that run down the stairs moment and not be schlepped all over tarnation all day long.