Bed Sharing...what would you do?

Luv2dnce81

I am in need of some advice. I am torn on the concept of bed sharing. My son is 8 months old and we co-sleep and bed share. We have a co-sleeper, which we use in the beginning of the night (most nights) and the after his first waking we I nurse him to sleep and we bed share from til morning. My concern is that he will never learn how to sleep alone. I've read various opinions on how our society is not in alignment with other parts of the world on this issue, that we try to foster independence at an unrealistic age, and how we don't need to "teach" our children how to sleep. I really feel I believe in this thinking, however, I am afraid I am creating a monster in the sleep department. 

It takes a lot of effort on my part to put my son down and once he's asleep I have to lay down next to him until he's in a deep enough sleep. And even after all of this he only stays asleep for a short while (about one sleep cycle) until he stirs and cannot put himself back to sleep. 

In an ideal work I would love to keep bed sharing, I love the cuddles, but eventually I want to be able to put him down by himself. I keep rationalizing it saying that when he is old enough for me to explain the whole sleep thing to, (that he can sleep in his room and mommy and daddy will be next door), that it will be much easier. I would feel guilty doing it now, when he has no idea why I am leaving him alone to cry. I just don't want to hit 2, 3, 4, 5 and still not be able to reason with him, and still have him in our bed (especially because at that point I imagine there will be other children in there with us).

Sorry this is so long, and sorry if I rambled on. I am just looking for some other perspectives, opinions, and advice. Am I ruining my child's sleep experience?  

nomadica

Maybe there is a middle ground? We put DS down to sleep in his crib, and he comes into bed with us after his first awakening for the rest of the night. I put him down to sleep awake but drowsy, so I know he knows how to put himself to sleep, which I gather is a good skill to have. Perhaps you could try that? And what about naps, does he nap alone? My guy naps much better if I nap with him and lately he won't nap at all at DC, so we're going to be working on independent napping. But I'm hoping to not give up bedsharing entirely, because we both love it and it works for us. GL!

ncbelle

I think if it's working for you, roll with it ;-)

We bed shared until about 15 months when we transitioned kiddo to a floor bed in his room.  I slept with him about half the night at first but after a few weeks, he was fine on his own.  He's pretty much STTN since around 17 months (and did so some starting around 15-16 months).  I don't think bed sharing hurt his ability to sleep on his own at all and he was very much like what you are describing at your son's age.  For us 9 months was about the peak of wakefullness/worst sleep!

webMistress0609

I honestly wouldn't stress about it. This is just from my experience & perspective, but I was worried about Ari relying too much on me for sleep & whether he would ever sleep on his own for a long time. So worried that it kept me from really enjoying bed sharing, & it took awhile to admit that I actually prefer Ari in my bed.

If it makes you feel any better, Ari stopped nursing to sleep right @ 12 months. It was a fairly abrupt actually, & made me really sad. He's fine with sleeping on his own now too. We still bedshare b/c we enjoy it, but that may come to a close soon. Ari's started waking more often & we're not sure if it's b/c he needs his own space now or b/c of a sleep regression, but we may try to move him to his own bed this weekend. I'm really sad about that too. 

So to sum up, if you enjoy bedsharing, don't worry about what might happen later. Enjoy it while it lasts. 

david_n_cole

We coslept with DS1 and around 18 months I started trying to ween him off of our bed.  Mostly because of the same reasons you mentioned, wanting other children, intimacy with DH, wanting to set up good sleep habits and needing more sleep since he is quite a kicker.  He was horrible to go and stay asleep when he was in our bed.  I tried for over three years to get him to sleep in his own bed with a lot of drama.  Even now, he has moments, but doesn't ask to sleep in our bed anymore. 

 When we had DS2, we did a center bed thing and then when our crib arrived it went in our room until he was 6 months old.  I actually liked that arrangement better because I got better sleep (so did he) and I wasn't worried about DHs wild sleep movements.  When pregnant with DS2, I found this book about teaching children good sleep habits, The Lull-a-Baby Sleep Plan.  We put it to work on both boys at basically the same time.  That is when DS1 began sleeping in his bed successfully and DS2 has never had the issues DS1 had, except when sick or teething. 

I would say go with what feels right until it no longer feels right and then change the way you're doing things.  If you're not ready to stop cosleeping, then don't stop for anyone but yourselves.   Change only when it feels like it's the right time.

Luv2dnce81

Thank you all so much for your input. Sometimes we all just need a little reassurance. It really helps to hear your experiences and know that just because I am bed sharing now, it does not mean I will end up with a teenager in my bed in 13 years.  Thanks again!!!