I swear I'm not a bad person (long)

NicKL

I only sound like it when I write posts like these, I guess. I cannot say this to anyone in real life, I don't want anyone to know these thoughts actually crossed my mind, and anyway, they'd just say reassuring unrealistic things anyway.

If anyone watches "How I Met Your Mother", he pretty much narrated my life last night. "When your friends share great news, you are ecstatic for them for about 2 nanoseconds, then you start thinking about yourself..." (not exact quote but something like that).

Last night we found out my brother and SIL are having twins, she is 8 weeks behind me. Now I am thrilled for them, and I already love my little nieces/nephews/niece&nephew and am SO thankful for them. She had trouble getting pregnant in the first place (probably why there's twins, actually, from the medication) and who knows if she'd be able to get pregnant again, so maybe 2 in 1 is their only shot at the family they wanted. There is plenty about a single baby that has its advantages, a better shot at a normal pregnancy, full-term baby, etc. I am thankful for the baby that I have, and I wouldn't change it. 

But....(of course)

I couldn't help but think as I was not sleeping last night that I immediately felt like this little guy was less special to my family. It was like the ultimate "one-up" (which I know of course was not intentioned, etc.) but already my mom was talking about how she might not make it out (to CO, where we are) because she'll need to be taking turns with SIL's mom back home. I was hoping to have visitors over the summer, but now when there will be two babies only a 2 hr drive away (not a 3 hr plane ticket) I am doubting that I'll have many. 

I honestly do not want to admit any of these thoughts. About a month before SIL found out, their good friends announced their 2nd pregnancy. SIL and brother had been trying so they were disappointed and jealous (but of course didn't show it, just personally). However, the friend lost the baby a few weeks later. I thought from that I don't want to waste a minute of jealousy or whatever you might call it on that, and just focus on being thankful for what I have. I feel like maybe putting out here and getting the reality check from you all might be what it takes to just put it out of my head. TIA.

NJMom050911

I totally understand how you're feeling, I think it is normal to feel this way even when it does sound bad. I know you're happy for them but you wanted a little bit of attention for you and your baby once he is here. Try to keep thinking about the positives and hopefully that will help you cope. Your little one will have 2 cousins to grow up with and it will be great at family gatherings, you will have someone to call when you have a question about anything baby related and or pregnancy or after pregnancy related since you will both be going through the same experiences. 

sdlaura

I think it's totally normal that you have those feelings, and it sounds like you're looking at it in a productive way, of reminding yourself how happy you are for them despite these thoughts.  I had a little bit of trouble getting pregnant, and during those months when we were trying to figure things out it definitely crossed my mind about how I would feel if my sister were to announce a pregnancy at the same time.  I am also a 6-hour plane ride away from family and she is a 30-minute drive, so I see how you're thinking about that as well. Of course I love her and would be thrilled for her an her husband anyway. 

If I were you I would focus on how lucky you are to be pregnant as well.  Can you imagine if you were having trouble with IF and they announced that they were having twins?  That would be a lot harder to handle, I'm sure.

JMU_Bride09

kathygrzywnowicz:

I totally understand how you're feeling, I think it is normal to feel this way even when it does sound bad. I know you're happy for them but you wanted a little bit of attention for you and your baby once he is here. Try to keep thinking about the positives and hopefully that will help you cope. Your little one will have 2 cousins to grow up with and it will be great at family gatherings, you will have someone to call when you have a question about anything baby related and or pregnancy or after pregnancy related since you will both be going through the same experiences. 

This. I know how it feels to have a gripe that you are ashamed to admit.  I think that's human nature.  We all have irrational jealousies that we can't help.  What's important is that you aren't acting on them.  I understand that it must be very frustrating to not be the only pregnant mom in your family, and even more upsetting that you may not get as many housecalls as you would have otherwise.  But I don't think that your family will forget about your baby.  They will love him/her exactly as much as they will love the twins.  And especially, as Kathy pointed out, your baby will have lots of fun growing up with his/her cousins.  My sister is only three weeks older than our twin cousins, and they were like a little club growing up.  Try to focus on the positives and the negative thoughts will fade away

NicKL

Thank you! Focusing on the positives is exactly what I need to do. I immediately felt happy, of course, and then it was like even though I couldn't help it, I started thinking I was outside looking in. But we're both pregnant, and while she'll have differences, we'll still be going through it all together. 

EFIRDAL

I completely understand where you are coming from. I could not wait to announce my pregnancy (at 30 and having my first child I am super excited!) Then a few weeks later my little sister announces that she is also pregnant and 1 week AHEAD of me...I don't think I would care so much if she were due after me but she is now "beating" me at everything! She's even finding out what she is having 1 day before me.... I told my mom that she is stealing my shine and she just laughed.... I know that sounds awful but being the second out of 6 children, you don't get alot of chances to have the attention. My older sister has the first grandchild, and then a set of twins (one with down sydrome), my youngest sister has the first boy.... now me and the middle sister are due a week apart.....I just tell myself to be thankful everyday for a healthy pregnancy (for both of us) and who knows, we might deliver on the same day (I think that is what my mom is hoping for....a father of the bride II kind of thing...lol)