I am in such a FOUL mood! And update to BF/DH fail..(long)

Jo&Matt6609

For starters - I am in the worst mood ever! I have a headache, am crankier than anything I can think of, and I want to just punch something. Argh! It came on out of nowhere. I just feel so angry. :::breathe in, breathe out:::

Secondly, I'm not sure if some of you ladies remember the post I did about my DH and our BF fail. Here's the link if you're interested.

https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/46529380.aspx

So anyway, I decided to talk to DH about it, because it was eating at me all day yesterday. I was really upset about what our BF said to me, and figured that DH just didn't know that what he said hurt me. Well, I was wrong. I started to talk to DH, saying that I'm not sure if knows what I'm talking about from the other night, but it was really bothering me. And to my surprise, he responds, "It's probably was *** said to you. I'm not dumb, I figured it pissed you off." I replied, "Yes. But it's not that it pissed me off. It's that it hurt me, and you didn't say anything to me to comfort me, or give me a hug. You went on to say I was being a b!tch." He said, "Well, you were. You were cranky from the moment you woke up." We went back and forth, me saying that I wasn't cranky, him saying I was, yada yada. I was like, "How was I being b!tchy towards you? I didn't say a damn thing once we got in the car." He looked at me, and had no answer. Duh - because I wasn't being cranky. So then he goes on to say, "You shouldn't be talking to me about this. You should be talking to the one who said it." With that, the tears started flowing. He continues, "And he probably didn't know it would upset you. He probably thought it would be ok to joke about it by now." WHAT!?!? I couldn't believe he said that. By now? What does that mean exactly? Just because 3 months have passed, I'm suddenly over it, and going to joke about the end of our first pregnancy? I don't think so. I angrily said back: "Joke about it? This isn't something I'll EVER joke about. It's not a funny situation. And never will be. You wouldn't joke about people dying, would you?" He said something like sometimes we'll joke about people dying (which, btw, I don't ever joke about. I've had enough family die that I know better not to - it was probably his only defense to just say something). Finally, I said, "You don't joke about family dying, do you? No. I don't think so. I guess I'll go get the pizza now then."

And that was it. No resolution to my feelings. I left to get the pizza crying, came home ate, and played a game on the Wii to try and take my mind off things. I guess I'll only feel better if I talk to our friend. That's going to to be awkward I think. Although, he may have more remorse than DH does, and may actually give me a hug.

Sorry for the long thread - if you were able to read through it all, I thank you for your patience. Thanks for listening ladies.

mdhealy676

I would like to get your DH a shovel to help him as he continues to dig himself into a giant hole.  Clearly he doesn't understand where you're coming from.  I hope your friend is more understanding.  I'm not sure why people think that m/c is something you ever "get over."  We'll all get better than we were when it first happened but we're all forever changed and move on to a "new normal."  I hope your week starts looking up soon. 

Jo&Matt6609

mdhealy676:

I would like to get your DH a shovel to help him as he continues to dig himself into a giant hole.  Clearly he doesn't understand where you're coming from.  I hope your friend is more understanding.  I'm not sure why people think that m/c is something you ever "get over."  We'll all get better than we were when it first happened but we're all forever changed and move on to a "new normal."  I hope your week starts looking up soon. 

I think a bulldozer would be more fitting - so that he can dig himself a big enough, and deep enough hole so that the authorities can't find his body. I was so disappointed in him. Even more so, because he knew it upset me from the getgo, and he didn't even try to comfort me in anyway. I guess he just doesn't get it. And since you can't change a person, I guess I should just accept that he'll never feel the way I did about our first pregnancy..

I hope my week gets better too..Thanks so much. It means a lot to me.

MandaS08

I'm sorry sweetie! I think your DH might just need a kick in the shins.  I hope after he's had some time to think about your arguement he'll come to his senses!

bryanandkatrina

Oh Jo, I am so sorry ((((HUGEHUGS))))

CheesyPeas

I'm so sorry.  ((hugs))  He clearly just doesn't get it.  As I was reading your story I was getting so frustrated for you.  I could see myself in that same position with my DH, trying to get him to see something that's so obvious but it seems to be no use when he has his mind made up about how something is.  I don't know your BF but I'm guessing he'll feel remorse.  He obviously knew right after he said it that it could come across as insensitive.  Once he knows that it hurt you, I'm sure the apologies will flow.

biddy53178

oh hon, im very sorry that your husband isn't more supportive of you- hugs-

hbkises

I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now.  DH's just don't get it sometimes

AmorXAeterna

I don't understand what goes on in the male brain that says it's okay to joke around about that sort of thing. DH has made that mistake before and it didn't turn out too well for him.

I hope you get into a better mood soon and feel free to smack DH around sometimes they deserve it.

Tapatio

I'm sorry your DH doesn't get it. Men can be so out of tune with their feelings sometimes and that's pretty sad. Good for you for deciding to talk to your friend. I hope it goes well and he comes to understand that he needs to be more sensitive. It's never ok to joke about a loss.

ColleenS629

Messed up.

Gilgenbach2007

Oh men, they are seriously on a totally different wavelength than us.  I'm sorry he didn't see you side of it and you had to seal with the issue twice.

Jo&Matt6609

Thanks ladies for your support. I will talk to bf when I get a chance - probably not until this weekend coming up when I see him. As far as dh goes, I guess I'll just let it be, and what is done is done. I tried to talk to him, and told him what was on my mind, so I guess that's good. Thanks again, ladies.

LilMaggs

That is really, really messed up.

Ann003

I am so sorry that your DH doesn't seem to understand what is/is not acceptable.  I know men tend to express themselves differently, but that is really effed up.  I hope you guys can talk it out later on and he apologizes.