OT-competing with my sister

teegrllwc

My df and sister are good friends due to the fact that they like a lot of the same things.  In the beginning of our relationship, I told my df that they hang out a lot and it's kind of getting to me because they would hang out without me knowing until after the fact or during.  They backed off knowing that it was being disrespectful to me.  But recently, due to football season, they have started to hang out more again.  This involves my df going over to her house (she still lives at home with my parents) to watch the Thursday night game on the big screen tv in the man cave.  I told my df that I don't mind because he can't watch the games on Sunday's since he works all day.  But this past week he got home really late, like 1-1:30 and my mom lives 15 mins from us.  I don't go with him because I have to work the next day and we have a 6 year old and a 1 year old so they can't stay out that late.  When he came home I told him that he was not thinking about me, because I was sick and so was our 1 year old and I still had to get up at 6:30 for work.  I couldn't take it anymore, so I talked to him and my sister and told them that they are not thinking of me at all.  On top of this, this past weekend, I had three people come to me and ask if there was anything going on between my sister and df because they do hang out alot, they even text each other.  I don't feel as if they are doing anything, but it still upsets me that he pays attention to her so much when we go to my parent's house. 

Ugh, what should I do?  What would you do?

buckin

Call Jerry Springer?

heylee

The relationship seems a little odd to me. DH and my sister get along really well but they would never just go hang out with each other.

stephcphillips

heylee:

The relationship seems a little odd to me. DH and my sister get along really well but they would never just go hang out with each other.

 

This!!

teegrllwc

buckin:

Call Jerry Springer?

 

ha ha....but he doesn't have a show anymore. 

Birdies08

If I were in your situation, I would be upset MH came home so late (1:30am? On a Sunday??) without giving me any warning. Maybe just talk with him about what your expectations are in regards to communication, and when he does go over to watch football games, when you are expecting him home. It would bother me if MH were coming home that late when I had to work early in the morning, so you probably want to address that too.

The relationship with your sister- I don't know. It wouldn't bug me, but maybe I'm coming from a weird perspective. MH shares some interests with my sister that I don't, and he's become very close friends with her boyfriend. They hang out without me (and without me knowing) sometimes. I'm happy that they have that relationship, and it makes me feel like MH is more a part of my family. So, I guess I'm biased when it comes to your situation.

LLH2010

Uh, I would be putting my foot down or up one of their as$es. What are they thinking? That is very WEIRD. Does he not know how inappropriate it is to be hanging out with your sister all the time while you're stuck at home and sometimes unaware. And what about your sister, would she want her SO hanging out with you all the time. I'm all for getting along with family, but this kinda crosses the line.

helenejr

heylee:

The relationship seems a little odd to me. DH and my sister get along really well but they would never just go hang out with each other.

this - it does seem very weird, but if they are genuinly good mates i guess i would just speak to you DF about respecting your needs and making sure he understands that on 1 occassion it's fine, but if it's a regular occurance and you are left feeling ill and watching your 2 other chilrden it's just a bit unfair......

flutepharm87

I'm more concerned with the fact that he's hanging out with your sister without your knowledge. If it's all innocent, there shouldn't be a problem with him clearing his plans to hang out with her with you beforehand. And staying out until 1:30am on a Sunday when he has a sick, pregnant wife at home with a sick 1-year-old? That's just plain rude, especially if he feels it's more "acceptable" because he was with your sister rather than a friend, co-worker or stranger. 

If it were me, I would probably have a long talk with DH (or DF, in your case) and see if there's anything bothering him with your relationship. Maybe he's just overwhelmed with life right now and is looking for an escape. I'm certainly not suggesting that anything fishy is going on (at least, not at this point), but he might be stressed out about something and not want to stress you out with what's going on due to you being pregnant. And I would definitely make it clear that you would prefer to have plans cleared with you before he goes off by himself and leaves you with the kids. Regardless of with he's hanging out with your sister or anyone else.  

NJMom050911

Honestly, if other people are commenting than I would be worried that something is in fact fishy. I think you should have a talk with your DF because as pp has mentioned he might be feeling overwhelmed at home and looking for an escape.

JCragg

At first I read it as DF = darling friend and I thought  you were being hormonal. If DF= Fianc? um, I?d be inclined to think that there is something else going on than just friends.

sleepingbeauty825

Yeah it sounds weird to me too, especially if others are noticing/commenting.

Also, it's very weird that he is out so late while you're not feeling well. Maybe you could ask your sister about it too? 

stephanie_shoe

This is very weird to me.  I would be asking your SISTER what's up...shouldn't she have your best interests at heart?  (Because monopolizing your fiance isn't exactly what's best for you).