Feeling isolated from my friends

joolz425

I have 2 friends from my Hypnobabies class that I've become close with because we have very similar parenting views. I find myself becoming more isolated from my other friends since parenting has become such a large part of my identity now. I'm also finding myself to become very judemental of other parents, now that I'm a mom. I'm trying not to be cuz I know there are more than one way of doing things. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this feeling.

someflower6

i think to some extent it's normal to feel isolated from your friends when you become a mom. if for no other reason then suddenly, your life pretty much revolves around this little person! plus, if you have different views than other moms, it can be annoying hearing what they're doing, especially if they're somewhat judgey about what you're doing.

and although i think it's normal for anyone to be a little judgey, i think it is something you (and everyone else!) really needs to keep in check. even if you don't agree with these other moms, you are not the Baby Whisperer-- what works for you will not necessarily work for someone else. different moms, different babies, different situations. even if you don't agree with someone's choices, recognize that it's probably because you just don't understand their situation or perspective and leave it at that. otherwise you will find yourself VERY isolated for having your nose too far up in the air-- and that's a very lonley place to be.

CoachBaby

If its any help I'm feeling really isolated from my friends also.  For me its mostly that between working and LO I don't ever feel social or wanting to see anyone. Plus it feels like a lot of my friends don't really understand DH and my parenting style.  Its not that they don't support us its just that they don't really understand why we do things the way we do.  It does get lonely so I try and get out with LO whenever I can just so I can be a little more "in the world" as it was.  Good luck, you're not alone!

SteelCityBride

Being a mom has definitely made me less in contact with my friends, especially the ones who are not parents yet. I think this is normal & I just look at it like they are in a different stage of their life right now.  I'm married & have kids, they're not.  While I can't go back & be single again, they will one day be where I am & we will have more in common again.  Or maybe they won't ever be married & have kids & we'll never have as much to talk about as we once did.  Either way, I don't let it get to me. We talk less frequently & I feel like they "get me" less now, but that's ok.  Relationships change. 

As far as being judgemental, I feel like in many ways becoming a mom made me less judgy.  It helped me lighten up & realize that having kids is hard! There is no one way to do things that is the "right" way & every parent is dealing with something that you may have no idea about.  Like that disruptive child in the restaurant, yeah, it annoys me,  but now that I'm a mom I know that that moms blood pressure is going through the roof & she really wishes she could just get her check & get the heck out of there.  Instead of judging her, I might stop by her table on the way to the bathroom & say something like "hey, we've all been there" or offer a kind smile instead.

nekorayne

I think it is normal to grow apart. My best friend and I were inseparable in high school and were roommates in college. Then I got married and we would have the occasional lunch and talk on the phone a lot. Now I have a kid and we rarely see each other and leave messages on FB. We maybe go out to lunch once every few months. I still love her but we live different lives. Se is busy with extended college edjucation and working at a bookstore and I'm busy with LO and DH. Our relationship changed and that is ok!

I find that having a diverse and open minded group of moms helps me stay grounded. I'm less likely to judge when I don't feel judged and I can see how we are all doing what is best for us. I'm not perfect though. I have issues with certain things like anyone. But I know that having a kid myself and seeing others kids makes me realize how different they all are. I just try to keep it in check and not let it get in the way.

KateLouise

I agree with pp, becoming a Mum has made me less judgemental. In fact by the time LO was a week old I had promised myself 10 different times that I would never judge another mother again.

I think it's natural to spend less time with friends when you become a Mum, it's the nature of being really busy and tired.

I, however, have made a conscious effort to maintain friendships and activities outside of LO. I don't manage it every week, and of course I have Mum friends. But I play social netball with a group of work colleagues. I've been to some dance classes. I've gone out with friends and left Lo with DH. To me balance is really important.

I adore LO and spending all day with her, but everyone needs a change of scenery.