How to cope with pregnant co-worker with shared due date?

Sweet Artistmouse

Hi! Has anyone had to deal with going back to work and working alongside a co-worker who you shared a due date with?

My colleague and I found out that we were pregnant around the same time, in fact, she was the first person at work that I told, and our due dates were five days apart.

I'm having a really tough time dealing with seeing her or even talking to her. I see her developing baby bump and I feel like I've been kicked in the gut and feel ill to my stomach. The really bad days end up with spending the afternoon sobbing in my office, which isn't easy to do since I work in a cubicle and she's on one side and another close co-worker on the other.

My heart breaks all over again when I hear people ask her about her pregnancy or she talks about going on mat leave. I try not be a jealous person in general, but I guess that's what I'm feeling.

It's only been five weeks since my missed miscarriage and three since the actual miscarriage so maybe I'm being too hard on myself about the speed with which I'm coping, but sheesh! I hate feeling like this.

Anyone else out there in a similar situation, or was in a similar situation? How did you cope?

carrieandtim

I'm so glad you asked this.  I have a similar situation, and I have NO IDEA how I'm going to cope.  No flippin' idea.

In August, when I started the school year, I was dealing with my first missed miscarriage just 2 weeks before the first day of school.  Not but 2 months after that, my teammate (I teach 5th grade), found out she was pregnant.  I was there with her in the bathroom when that 2nd line appeared.  It killed me.  She just broke up with her on again, off again boyfriend about a month prior and started seeing a "friend with benefits" where the benefits happened every time they saw each other.  She is/was a partier, she can't afford to live on her own, is emotionally disturbed, the list goes on and on.  Point being:  She wasn't trying...she shouldn't have it...it's not fair!  She woudn't stop complaining about her symptoms...the symptoms I only wished I could have. 

I got my 2nd BFP about 3 weeks after she did.  I could finally handle listening to her...we'd have talks about our babies and how close they'd be.  Fast forward to Wednesday - when we found out the heartbeat we saw just days before was gone.  One of the first things I thought - how am I going to deal with my teammate again?  (Let alone a Kindergarten teacher who is currently in labor right now)  I saw her on Thursday morning when I was in school getting my sub plans done.  She hugged me and handed me dinner for the night.  I'm not sure I can hear anything from her again.  To make matters worse, she had her 12 week appointment just moments after my D&C on Thursday.  Her pregnancy is going very well.  Why can't either of mine?  Come April or May - I'm going to have a very difficult time as it's the teammates job to throw the baby shower.  Ugh.

I have two BFs that are pregnant - one that wasn't trying (it was an "Oops - I didn't think I could get pregnant while breastfeeding!") and one that deserves to be pregnant - 6 failed IUIs...it happened natural.  It stung quite a bit - even though I'm so happy for her - when I found out she saw the heartbeat at the exact time of my D&C appointment. 

With all that being said...how do we cope?  It's going to be sooooo tough.  And I'm not sure the tough times can be avoided like I'd like them to be.  I'd like to hear how some others have done it. 

lotus88

I know how you feel. I found out that I was pregnant the day after a coworker told me she was pregnant. We were 4 weeks apart. We shared our experiences as we had them and now we've hit a wall. She won't discuss her pregnancy, but I feel like I have to move forward. I'm OK talking to her briefly about it. What's difficult for me is the fact that three of us got married within two years. I was the second to start trying to get pregnant. We're all similar ages and her pregnancy prompts others to question me about when am I going to start trying, don't I want children, am i pregnant, etc. I was out for my d&c early last week and when I came back a coworker asked me if my morning sickness was so bad I had to be out. She doesn't know. She's just fishing, but that stuff continually happens.  I think I can cope with the daily stuff, but when it comes time to her baby showers, . . . I don't know. I'm hoping I'll be pregnant again by then and maybe that will smooth things over, but it took us 10 months to get pregnant and the doc said to wait 3 cycles. I'm still bleeding from the d&c so I'm not feeling optimistic abotu that. We will find our way. We don't really have a choice.  

Sweet Artistmouse

lotus88:

I think I can cope with the daily stuff, but when it comes time to her baby showers, . . . I don't know. I'm hoping I'll be pregnant again by then and maybe that will smooth things over, but it took us 10 months to get pregnant and the doc said to wait 3 cycles.  

lotus88, I share this same concern. If I spend some of my afternoons crying in my office, there's no way that I'll be able to face a baby shower, when if things had gone perfectly, I would be sharing. It's difficult to be faced with that and not have all of those emotions you felt when you miscarried, come flooding back.

Our team probably won't throw her a shower until March or April and I'm hoping that I've healed enough emotionally that I can show my support and attend. DH and I would like to start TTC as soon as we can so hopefully my attention will be diverted to growing another little one.

7/04Bride

I know how you feel.  Even if you don't have someone due really close to your original due date, there are pregnant people EVERYWHERE.  I am in the middle of my second miscarriage.  Not too long after my first, I found out a co-worker is due about 2 weeks before I would have been.  I also found out my sister is due with her first about two weeks after I would have been.  I truly am so happy for my sister and excited to be an aunt to her baby, but it makes me sad to think that our babies could have been only 2 weeks apart.  How awesome would that have been?!  I know it's going to be very hard to see my co-worker have her baby if I'm not pregnant again yet.  I'm okay seeing her and talking to her, but I notice it hurts when I see other people talking to her about her pregnancy because I feel like they should also be talking to me about mine.

alexa08

I don't have any answers but I understand exactly how you feel.  I have a coworker with the exact same due date and my SIL is also due about the same time. Both had a really hard time getting pregnant, so I just try and focus on being happy for them. I'm on my own path now and will get there eventually. Oh, I do cry a lot and am sad for the loss of my LO. Nothing can make this hurt any less.

fireflies0306

If you come up with any survival hints ladies please let me know too! we all seem to be in the same boat.  there are only 2 pregnant women at my school-1 was only due a few weeks after me.  and of course, since i came back to work i see them all the time (before i never saw them!  now they even sign in with me in the mornings).  i feel awful, b/c i know my loss isn't their fault, but i just can't look at them right now, let alone smile.  today i was behind the other woman, and all i kept thinking was i hope she goes out on leave soon so i don't need to watch her waddle around.  

and i did feel awful b/c the one that was due a few weeks after me heard and saw me in the teacher's lounge talking to another teacher on friday, and i was crying and the teacher was asking me questions about what happened--she ran out of the room very quickly.  but then i think we have to care for ourselves right now.  i'm sorry if i make her feel uncomfortable.  

hugs to everyone! 

Anniekins214

None of my friends were pregnant when I was pregnant with my DD; I wished I could go through the excitement with someone.   Then, I got pregnant again, (unexpectedly) and 5 of my friends were also pregnant!  I thought it was going to be so cool to have our kids grow up around the same age.

I know how you feel.  I'm sorry.