Toddler sleep issue

Quazel

DS' sleep has had its ups and downs through the last almost 2 years but right now we are possibly at our worst.  He had night weaned (nurse before bed and then not again until around 5am) a few months ago.  It lasted about 2 weeks.

For napping, he is totally fighting DH.  Twice last week DH couldn't get him to nap at all.  Both days this weekend he napped but much less time than usual and he clearly needed the longer nap.

In the last 2+ weeks, he will only nurse down, wakes when I try to remove my nipple, gets hysterical and remains up and hysterical if I don't give it back.  It takes me several tries of him being asleep to slip away.  He will then only sleep 20-40 minutes before we repeat the process.  I had my concert last week and tons of rehearsals the week before so I started going to bed when he woke, I needed the sleep.  However, my house is a mess and I need some time to myself after he goes to sleep!  He is also very, very clingy at night, often sleeping only while comfort nursing.

DH and I tried a few things this weekend.  First, we let him cry with me there.  That resulted in absolute hysterics within a few minutes that did not abate after 10 minutes.  He was practically attacking me to try to nurse.  Another time, we gave him a few minutes of fussing by himself.  It took him about 7 minutes before he got truly upset.  In the minute it took me to get from the living room to our room, he went from a bit of crying to hysterical and it took almost an hour of cuddling and nursing to get him back to sleep.  He was shuddering and having difficulty breathing.  Clearly crying isn't going to work for us, not that we wanted to but we are frustrated.  DH is starting to think we may have to though.

We know there are a lot of possibilities, he is growing, he is hitting some new developmental milestone, he has some teeth coming in, it could be separation anxiety, he could have sensed the stress in our lives over the last few months.  Then again, he could just be getting older an wanting things his way.  Dh and I had a long talk about it last night and we aren't sure if we should just ride it out or take it as a sign that it is time to move him out of our bed (which DH has wanted for a few months) and get him sleeping independently.  We aren't sure how to even do that.  We try playing and reading in his toddler bed but as soon as we are done. he freaks out.  We know getting him into his bed is a goal we would like to achieve sooner rather than later but is this the time?  How do we do it?  Ugh, so frustrating!

I guess I just need to vent.  Any thoughts or suggestions would be really appreciated!

webMistress0609

IMO, if he's clinging more, moving him to his own bed may backfire. However, there's no harm in trying it to see if it works. My rule of thumb is to give any change 3-4 days unless it's obvious it's an utter fail.

Other than that, no advice, just sympathy. Ari used to not sleep well but go down easy, & we've been having bedtime battles too. I tried an earlier bedtime last night since I suspected we were missing his window (he's been getting overtired & wound up), & he still didn't go down till 9:30. He's been waking every night at 4:00 & staying up for an hour & half or so for months too. 

 

Quazel

webMistress0609:

IMO, if he's clinging more, moving him to his own bed may backfire. However, there's no harm in trying it to see if it works. My rule of thumb is to give any change 3-4 days unless it's obvious it's an utter fail.

Other than that, no advice, just sympathy. Ari used to not sleep well but go down easy, & we've been having bedtime battles too. I tried an earlier bedtime last night since I suspected we were missing his window (he's been getting overtired & wound up), & he still didn't go down till 9:30. He's been waking every night at 4:00 & staying up for an hour & half or so for months too. 

 

The move backfiring is definitely a concern of mine.  DH is starting to feel like we may be creating a monster at this point and we need to do it now, despite how hard it will be.  I am not sure how I feel about it, I see where he is coming from.  we have been pleased until now but we are starting to feel like he is a little boy, not a baby, and his needs are changing.

He also totally agrees that there is a lot going on developmentally, the 4am thing is interesting.  I remember you saying it before, now that you mention it.  That doesn't explain the getting him down though.  I feel for you, it must be incredibly rough to be up for long periods of time over night!