May 2011 Moms
Buying things for baby before the birth
Hi Ladies. I was hoping to get your opinion on something. My (fairly traditional and superstitious) mother is adamant that nothing should be purchased for the child before s/he is born. That includes necessities like crib, stroller, newborn clothes, etc...
I am pretty superstitious myself, and on the one hand this approach appeals to me. But my hyper-organized, always over-prepared half cannot imagine how this works! How do you bring baby home with nothing?! Do any of you have any advice or suggestions on how to bridge these conflicting ideas?
TIA!!
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Re: Buying things for baby before the birth
I would say that having a newborn is stressful enough, let alone not having the basics covered for baby's homecoming.
Maybe you could do something in between. Like, only buying the basics and saving all the rest for after the baby is born.
Hi,
I can understand being superstitious, but I would hope at some point you might be able to reason with that half of yourself saying that the baby is healthy and you will be bringing baby home.
Otherwise, my only suggestions would be to either get JUST the necessary items to bring baby home (bassinet, etc.) OR have everything ordered/on hold ready to go and arrange for someone else to pick it up and put it in the nursery once you go into labor.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
That sounds pretty ridiculous, IMO. Are you not going to talk to/about the baby for fear something could go wrong? Is no one going to throw you a baby shower? Are you not going to discuss/pick out names?
Not to mention that you will need a carseat installed in your car to take the baby home, and the last thing I would want while I was in the hospital would be for my DH to be jetting out to buy one.
Bottom line is that it's your baby, not your mother's. Just because she feels a certain way doesn't mean you have to abide by it. There's no sense in wasting the rest of your pregnancy, worried that something bad will happen. Enjoy it.
All that being said, I'm not a worrier. My SIL and I threw a baby shower last year and she got mad at me because I wanted to put 'congratulations' on the cake, and she didn't feel they should be congratulated yet.
Well, no, that's not ridiculous. Actually it is very common in Jewish tradition to go this route.
In answer to pp, no, I will definitely not be having a baby shower and DH and I will probably discuss names in general, but I don't plan on settling on one until the LO arrives.
The reason for my post was really just to gauge whether anyone has/ or knows anyone who has gone this route to see how manageable it would be. So I appreciate the feedback.
The days of superstion of talking about the baby or buying things is crazy to me too. I just do not believe it. Anything could happen at any time, Been there... Enjoy your pregnancy. Be prepared. Celebrate! Positive thoughts bring postitive babies.
I said it was ridiculous, IMO. You asked for feedback, you got it. I don't think it's manageable at all, let alone enjoyable. Part of the fun of being pregnant is picking out cute baby things. For someone who has been as sick as I have, looking at cute clothes and discussing names has been the light in the darkness.
Will you have a baby shower after s/he is born?
This is exactly my attitude. And sadly, I've known plenty of people who've had awful things happen after they've brought their baby home. Waiting to buy things isn't automatically going to ward off the bad. I just feel like it's a dangerous train of thought. If you lived life like that you'd never buy anything for anyone. Heaven forbid anything go wrong with anyone's child, but it could at any time, it's not reserved for pregnancy.
My old boss was Jewish and she told me that in her family you would buy everything but not bring it in the house until after the baby is here. She kept everything packed up in the garage. Would that be a compromise?
I don't plan on it, no. I will, of course, welcome (and look forward to) visitors, but no baby shower, or "baby introduction" party for me.
I think having suffered a loss in the past, and also having some complications this go-around (hopefully behind me!), I am even more superstitious about this particular issue, and therefore more prone to heed the advice of my more traditional mom.
I know many people have baby showers and buy things for the LO before the birth, but also being aware that there are people that don't I was hoping some of those with an alternate experience would have some words of wisdom. I will admit bringing baby home to no crib, no stroller and no clothes sounds daunting at this moment... (bot not impossible)
Can you give your mom a list of absolute essentials to buy while you are in the hospital? You'll need a carseat and somewhere for the baby to sleep when he/she comes home. Receiving blankets, diapers, wipes, a sleepsack, basic essentials (which I'm blanking on but I'm sure you'll know what I'm missing), onesies, a coming home outfit, maybe a bouncer? The rest you can get after baby arrives.
We took C out at a week old to BRU to get a lot of things we missed. She was 2 weeks early and we had no clue
We are Jewish, not as superstitious but I totally understand where you are coming from. Best of luck to you!
You really don't even need a crib right when the baby comes home. A small bassinet could be easily purchased by a family friend when you're in the hospital. We don't plan on having our LO sleep in her own room for quite awhile.
While I don't agree with this mindset at all, I didn't mean to offend you by calling this ridiculous, especially if it's a religious custom. I just think there are a few things you must have before baby is born, and I hate the idea of you missing out on some of the simple joys of pregnancy.
Also, some hospitals provide you with a carseat if you don't have one, so it's worth calling to ask.
As a hospital social worker, I beg you PLEASE do not go this route. It is true that some hospitals do have car seats available. But they are really for patients who can not afford a full-priced one or to discharge a patient who has had their car seat in an accident (and thus can not go home in their old car seat). It is a really inappropriate use of professional time and generous resources to just tell the hospital that you failed to make a plan to bring your baby home.
I think I am least worried about the carseat. I may not totally trust DH in getting all baby essentials in a day or two, but I have full faith he will be able to procure an infant carseat!
I'm in the same position. My mom is superstitious as well. It's a cultural thing.
I respect her wishes .... publically at least. Then, I go out and buy whatever I want and just not tell her. I'm trying to limit it to the essential items I'll really need.
This is what I was going to say. Buy the things like the crib, diapers, and a few onesies (and all other necessary items). Then buy all of the extra necessities and non-necessities once baby is born.
I was raised Jewish and did not follow this practice, although I understand the background.
My mom has told me that when she had me, her MIL (my grandma) wouldn't let her put anything in the nursery until after I was born. So they had the stuff, it just wasn't set up in the nursery. I think once you do put it in there you're supposed to tie a ribbon around the crib and other pieces of furniture. Maybe a black ribbon? I can't remember.
I have Jewish friends who have been more liberal with this, but there is a certain respect for the tradition of not setting too much in stone before birth. For example, not choosing or announcing a name for the baby until after he/she is born.
Good luck figuring out what feels comfortable to you.
I worked for a Jewish boss who had his first 2 children while living in Israel and basically the family would buy and set up everything for them while they were in the hospital after giving birth.
Actually we have family acquaintances who have similar religious-based beliefs. The way she did it was to have the shower hosted by a friend, and then left all the baby stuff at the friends house until the delivery. The way she explained it to me was that she only couldn't bring baby items in the house. I haven't heard of anyone not preparing with the basics, though.
As a pp mentioned, you'll at least need a carseat to go home from your birth facility, unless you're at home. You'll also need someplace for baby to sleep (bassinet?), botttles in case you need to ff or supplement, some diapers/wipes and a few clothing items. I would be concerned about someone else choosing the "big items" for me without having done any research - there are so many safety and lifestyle choices to make. I'd suggest doing the research on baby items and making a detailed list of what you like; then someone can run like mad to make the purchases for you after baby is born. Just know some things might not be in stock.
Caitlin 4.17.11 Madeline 10.20.13
I hope you still look at this. I am also Jewish and understand where this belief comes from. When my Mom had her first, they had no family near by, and therefore stored everything in their garage, to be set up after the baby was born.
I will (mostly to keep peace with my extended, non-Jewish family) be having a baby shower. Depending on what we get, a friend may be storing it all for us. I will not wait until after the baby is born to assemble the stroller, set up a crib/bassinet, wash some clothing, set up a changing area. Other things such as bouncy chairs, high chairs, swings can wait. However, we are part of a large Orthodox community that is very good at helping each other out.
One of my best friends had her first a few months back. She has stated numerous times that her biggest regret/only thing she would do differently is to NOT wait until after he was born to get everything and set it up.
Ultimately, you and your H have to decide what works best for you. Don't not buy things simply to appease your Mom.
I'm in the same position. My mom is superstitious as well and we compromised. Nothing will be bought for the baby until the point that the baby could survive on it's own. I won't be having a shower until 36 weeks. I know it only gives me a month, I hope, to prepare but it's worth the family peace to me.
We are going to paint the nursey because as I told my mom "the room needs to be painted anyway and the baby once born doesn't need to inhale the paint fumes."
I feel there are ways to work around the superstitious. I would suggest talking to your mom and asking her to compromise with you. Tell her that the stress of not being prepared and organized is not good for you or the baby.
Good Luck!!