is it rude to let your kid do this?

EMT

DD's BFF lives in our hood. Everytime we go out to play at our community park DD asks if we can go ask if BFF can play. Is it rude to allow DD to go to BFF's house and ask if she can come to the park with us?

BFF is very high-strung and of course wants to come play so if for some reason, she can't come, she throws a little fit.

I guess I'm sort of asking at what point do the organized playdates end and when is it acceptable for DD to just start asking BFF if she wants to play.

FWIW, BFF's mom and I have both done this but in general, I have the mellower kid so it is usually not a big deal to me.

goodheartedmommy

Eh, kids have to learn disappointment, so not being able to go to the park every time her friend does is just a lesson she has to learn. You can tell the mom to let you know if she doesn't want her to be invited every time if that makes you feel better!

jessicaclare

I wouldn't think its abig deal. Our neighbor girls come over all the time and ask if DD can play, which usually means them coming in and playing here and it doesn't bug me. If we can't play, I just send them home.

If you're worried, can you just call her mom so she wouldn't even know?

Marce921

What about calling before heading over there to ask the mom without the BFF knowing what's going on?

CleoKitty

I don't think it's a big deal at all, but it might be nice to call the mom and ask her rather than always having your dd knock on the door. It would avoid some of the other little girl's meltdowns at least.

And just speaking for myself, I would never mind someone calling to ask if they could swing by for one of my kids on the way to the park but I would get annoyed if they're always coming to the door- I might not be dressed, one of the kids might be napping, my entryway might be a mess and I'm embarrassed to open the door for you to see it, etc.

 A phone call would at least give me a head's up, let me put the dogs away so that they stopped barking, lets the kids finish up whatever they were doing and put away their toys if needed, hunt for the kids' shoes and jackets, make sure they go to the bathroom, get a drink, etc. so that we're not trying to do all of that as you're standing right there waiting.

Carol*Brady

I hate it & it happens to me a lot...I prefer a call vs. a stop over.  I guess I should clarify in that my neighbor's kids are the ones that pitch a fit if my kids can't come, sometimes I don't want to come up w/ an excuse w/ all the kids standing there & they often do come in & play--and frankly it makes a mess &/or it is already a mess.  I prefer not to have more work on a near daily basis.  I have 3 kids, have to get up early every morning & no housekeeper--non of which apply to my neighbor/friend so she has an easier time going out in the afternoon-evening w/ her kids than I do.  Luckily it's slowed down a lot now that it's colder out.  

4Speedy

Totally agree with Cleo.  I prefer that MY friends call before just showing up so I have my child extend the same courtesy to her friends (well, to her friends' moms, actually.  I doubt the kids would care.)

joy143dh

Neighbor and I call eachother first and then send the kid over.  If there is a conflict, there is disappointment for both kids - but at least it's not a scene and we are not interupting.   A few times over the summer, her daughter and the other neighborhood girl rang our bell to get DS to come outside.  I didn't mind at all - it was really cute. If it was every week, I'd probably ask them to call first.

shouldbworkin

Marce921:

What about calling before heading over there to ask the mom without the BFF knowing what's going on?

that's what I would do.  I can deal with my kids having a meltdown b/c they can't go down to their friend's house to ask them to come out and play (I can redirect easy enough), but I would feel bad if I let my DC cause someone else's kid to have a meltdown.  I don't think it's my job to make my friend's child learn that lesson.  It's one thing when they're in elementary school, something completely different with preschoolers.

shopgirl78

I don't think so! DD's BFF lives in our neighborhood too.  I don't send her over as much as she comes over.  I kinda like it when they play.  I love when her dad takes the kids to the park!