Freaking out today

sweetaug

I am just really freaking out about H's denial over our financial situation. I am currently unemployed and our finances are very tight. There is a huge backstory to all of this, but I won't bore you with the details. Let's just say he can be really stressed out about money one minute and then making compulsive purchases the next. I'm trying to get him to appreciate the extra expenses that are coming with the baby. I want to sit down and discuss and create a budget and a plan. But I feel like he just doesn't get it. And, he's being super selfish about Christmas. He's getting a huge gift already and he's got a whole other list for himself. that he emailed me today. I feel like he isn't taking any initiative to learn about what is coming next, about being parents or about what the baby needs. WHY is he only thinking about himself?!?!?!?!? I feel like he expects me to do everything  myself. I am really hurt and upset and feeling super anxious!!! On top of that, my sister is staying here and I feel like I can't really let go emotionally like I need to. I am just tired, upset, embarrassed we're fighting in front of her and on the verge of tears.

smiling76

Honestly, my DH was kind of the same way--not about financial as much but about just the next steps and being involved---it's truly not real to them until the baby comes and some guys show it more than others.  Once the expenses hit, it'll be real--so perhaps you do what you can to save and show him ways that he can too--and just keep reminding him. 

kg_08

I understand what it's like to be tight. Maybe you could make up a budget yourself and just show him when you're done? Make a list and add up all your monthly bills, then add some extra in there for things like oil for heating this winter, random bills like car inspection that will only come up once a year,... also even though we have insurance we still had about $5 or 6,000 in medical bills from the delivery.

Once you've got it all sorted out, let him know how much extra you have. Chances are if he sees in ACTUAL NUMBERS that you only have like $10 left, he'll be less likely to act impulsively.