WWYD? (long)

BabyTrippin

I just got a FB message from a friend on another, non-Bump, board.  A person who used to post with us until about a year and a half ago is going through a bad financial spell.  She left the board due to some drama and the drama surrounding her leaving was of her own making.  It really split the board and caused a lot of friendships to question one another. It still gets trotted out often and causes flare ups and flame wars.

Prior to the incident she was a good friend to many of us.  A good portion of the board has been posting together for going on 15 years (that sounds so pathetic!) and she was one of that core group.  She still keeps in contact with some via facebook, but has completely dropped the board.

So, this friend who messaged me (not the drama person) is asking for people to send her money which she will forward on to drama person as a lump sum.  I'm confident that friend is not scamming or anything of that nature as we've done things like this in the past the same way.  

I'm feeling very jaded about it though.  I feel like drama person abandoned the board, stopped sharing her life with us and supporting us in our lives but now we are supposed to throw money at her just because it is Christmas time?  

Would you respond at all?  Would you send a few dollars?  Would you just flip out on friend for even asking?

kmount

That's a tough call...  I have been in a giving spirit this year, but I don't know if I'd give to someone I didn't really *know* anymore.  I suppose if she had children who would otherwise go without, I'd help, but if no kids are involved, I wouldn't.

tlcW0714

I would be on the fence too.  If she pulled out, then that is her own fault.  But, like pp said, if she has children who will go without, I might give something, as long as you are positive she will spend it on the kids, and not herself. 

jenniann87

I agree with PP. I might feel a little more compelled to give her some money if there were kids involved. But if there isnt I more than likely wouldnt. I know that these are hard times all around and I might get flamed for this but there are plenty of charities that those in need can go to. I really dont get why at Christmas time is really the only time that the charities (and some people) come out in full force and want money, donations and gifts. Christmas isnt the only time that people are hurting and in need.

BabyTrippin

She does have kids and is divorced, but the wording wasn't such that it seemed the kids would have no Christmas.  It is more "oh man, it is Christmas and 50 things just got heaped on her plate." 

I think I'm partly still hurt by her disappearance.  If she were still posting with us regularly, I'd have paypal-ed money already.  But as it is now, well, I'd rather send it to the Salvation Army, kwim?

butterfly843

If she hasn't stayed in touch with you and been there for you I wouldn't send money her way. I would rather donate money or gifts to a child who may not have any for christmas or one who is in the hospital.

johnnys june

I'm on the fence as well...but for several personal reasons.  The way I see it is that if it's for the kids, then definitely.  However, if it wasn't specifically meant for that and instead is for "50 things" on her plate as you put then, then hell, we all have 1,000 things on ours.  The economy is crap and Christmas' and holidays in general are getting tighter and tougher!...but then again..I'm kind of a grinch this year!  However, I've been in the giving spirit.  That karma thing...what goes around comes around.  So my opinion is that it truly comes down to you and whether you feel better or worse by giving or not giving.  In this case, if I wasn't close to her currently and had been hurt previously, then I'd personally give the money to a child or charity that I knew for sure would benefit from it or atleast use it.

Although, I'm sure my mom would scold me and say "give b/c you have a giving heart; and if that person chooses not to use that gift wisely, you atleast did your part."  Gotta love that motherly conscious! lol 

tctibbe

I probably would just ignore the request. Unless I was positive it were going to the kids I wouldn't participate and how would you ever really know the money would be used for that? I'm all about giving but if I feel doubt at all I for sure wouldn't pitch in.

LilMaggs

butterfly843:

If she hasn't stayed in touch with you and been there for you I wouldn't send money her way. I would rather donate money or gifts to a child who may not have any for christmas or one who is in the hospital.

This is my thought. 

shanna82

I would ignore it and not give anything.  And if the friend asked again, I would be honest and tell her how you feel about the abandonment, etc.