NBR: Should I write a letter? — The Bump
Babies: 3 - 6 Months

NBR: Should I write a letter?

My mom and dad are divorcing right now and it's been really hard on me and my sister.  The only difference is, my dad speaks to her, he doesn't speak to me.  There are a lot of reasons behind it, but I haven't wanted much to do with him since this started.  He left mom for another woman after almost 30 years and is living with her, he is a workaholic and alcholic.  He didn't call me at all during my whole pregnancy (except on my birthday) to ask how I was doing or anything.  I have kept distant from him because I don't agree with a lot of his choices; he is a completely different person than the daddy I knew.  I'm been keeping a lot of my sadness and anger bottled up and I think I just need to reach out to him and let him know how I feel.  I don't want to call him or see him because he's always either working or with his girlfriend who I CAN'T STAND.  I'm thinking of writing him a letter to get all my feelings out.  Thoughts? TIA
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Re: NBR: Should I write a letter?

  • Sometimes I find it necessary to write a letter, or write it all out. You don't need to send it, but sometimes it's the only way you can honestly get all the feelings out and in front of you. If you do decide to send it, the more power to you! I have someone that I wish I could have sent lots of hate mail to, but I just don't have the... well you know. Best of Luck, I know things like this hardest during the holidays!
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  • Be prepared to not get the results  you're looking for, but chance are, writing a letter will help to settle your thoughts, one way or the other.  No matter how he responds, you'll at least know you said what you needed to say.

    Sorry you're going through this...

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  • Absolutely write the letter!  I probably wouldn't send it, but at least writing it on paper may help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. 

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Sounds like between the last post about your DH and this, you've got a lot on your plate.  I hope all things work out for you!!  (((hugs)))

  • Writing the letter would be cathartic.  If you do send it, be prepared that you may not get a response.  Just something to think about. I hope things get better.

  • I feel sooo bad for you!  I am going through a very similar situation with my parents.  Only my mom started abusing her pain medication and ended up leaving my dad and is living with another man.  She supposedly met him like 2 days after she left my dad and then moved in with him after a couple of months, but I am pretty sure she started seeing him before she left my dad.  We are not talking either, some because of her stupid choices, but mostly because she started pushing us kids away (even before she left dad) and then started blaming my dad for poisening us against her.  My poor dad still tries to get us to call her.  If you really feel the need to write  a letter, I would say go for it.  It will help you out.  Then decide if you want to send it.  But like pp said, if you do send it, be prepared for a bad reaction to it.  And it would probably go over better if you don't go heavy on the blame, but just state exactly how you have been hurt.  You can't reason with unreasonable people, that is one thing that I have learned.  I will add your family to my prayers!
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  • Write the letter, then wait at least 24 hours and re-read it.  Decide then if you want to send it, revise it or just keep it/destroy it.  I'm sorry you are going through this.
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