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Northern California Babies
Thoughts on Holiday gifts..
There have been more than a few posts lately (on this board and others) where people are miffed by a gift that was purchased for their LO...and it got me thinking about being grateful and accepting gifts graciously. I have strong opinions on this, but maybe I'm in the minority.
I think if someone gives you (or your LO) a gift, you should accept graciously, and remember that the giver likely put a lot of thought (and money) into the gift with the hopes that it would make your LO really happy. While you may be annoyed by the gift given for various reasons, step outside yourself and look at the bigger picture. Will it make your LO happy? Will it make the giver happy to see LO open it? Is it going to kill you to accept graciously?
Am I alone in thinking this? Of course I understand that there are special circumstances where it is totally normal to be upset like if the item is dangerous or completely not age appropriate etc. But overall I guess I just think it's not the end of the world and I have more important things to be worried about.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Thoughts on Holiday gifts..
I agree. It's one of the MAIN reasons I HATE shopping for other people around the holidays. There are a LOT of people who get that look on their face - you know the one: "I'm*going*to*smile*like*this*because*I*really*hate*what*you*got*me" smile. It sucks. I expect it from the teenagers I buy for but the adults could suck it up a little better.
(and in the defense of the other post today: I think that she's probably more irritated with the MIL as a whole rather than the specific gift.)
this is my MIL to a T. That is why I refuse to buy gifts for her and have DH do this b/c no matter what, she will never be happy.
I posted a vent. In every sense of the word vent, it was a vent. Yes my irritation has a lot more to do with the dynamics of my relationship with my barely there father. Please don't let my frustration with my father/daughter relationship lead you to believe that I'm ungrateful for the generosity, that I am greedy or selfish or spoiled.
I'm extremely grateful for the expense and thought that he appeared to take when choosing the item. I'm pleasantly surprised that he hit a home run. I feel extremely guilty for having to call him last night to tell him that the gift would have been perfect... but there's no physical way to edge it into our home without causing a problem. I hate that he isn't more involved and therefore in the know about DC's likes, wants, wishes & needs.
I dread the holiday's and the dynamic that it's become in our family. Juggling visits, walking on eggshells, defaulting to GC's so as not to offend anyones personal taste. I really wish I could swallow it all down and pretend that it's puppies and rainbows, but it's not. I do the best I can for my family. Accepting the gift my father sent, having DC open it, only to have to take it away would have been cruel. Sending the gift to my fathers home wouldn't have been a viable option & also just a cruel reminder that I don't have a relationship with him.
Outside of the very specific details of my Daddy Drama, gift giving has become more of a mainstream obligation & expectation than it is about sharing a spirit of love, family & giving. It's exactly why we've scaled down our "wish" lists that have been asked of us. It's exactly why DH & I both are playing a big part in Toy Drives at our workplaces. It's exactly why we're trying to show DC how good it feels to give and that it's so much more rewarding than getting.
We try too and really are grateful for the thought that is put into some gifts that DS receives. He has a ton of people in his life that care about him and want to give him presents. What a lucky boy (and lucky parents)!
The thing that is tough, as I know many other moms on this board have found in the years before me, is when family members spend without giving a lot of thought to family circumstances or the child's age. It really is hard to know your child is receiving a gift that A, you don't have room to keep, or B, isn't right for them developmentally (age appropriate). How do you let them open it knowing either you don't have room to keep it or your kid isn't old enough to play with it?
DH's family sent two gifts home with us at Thanksgiving that we were asked to store until Xmas. We could barely fit them in our car, much less in our house. One is a bigger version of a toy that he got last year and last year's toy already lives outside (even though it's an inside toy). The other thing is something DS will LOVE on sight but that is much too advanced for a two year old (an electronic keyboard which we ruled out when we considered it ourselves). The ILs rarely see DS and never visit so they have no idea what he has at home already or what his play habits are. The giver of the toy on steroids said she just bought one for all her nephews because it was on sale and made her life eaiser (been there, done that!). We laughed about it. The other has no idea that I intend to exchange it before DS opens it. But they told me in advance what it was so I assume they tought that might be a possibility.
I can appreciate the generosity and still return/exchange/give away gifts DS receives.
I see both sides. It's great to graciously accept the gift but when you don't have the space for the gift or already have it or it's not appropriate, I don't know how you just grin and suck it up (especially because it's not fair to the kid to have the gift and then have it taken away)
I went crazy this weekend at Target and bought several toys for Q (things were on sale, yada, dada). Then my mom called and wanted to buy him something else. I pretty much told her that would be great but she could also have something else I already bought.
Someone gave him a toy when he was a newborn that has a 'not for children under 3' warning on it. I hate that I'm storing that damn toy for 3 years! (I would have returned it but it was from a small boutique in San Diego.) Q was also given 4 pairs of sandals as a newborn. Really, what will I do with those? What will I do with the shorts sets that people gave him in 12 month sizes? (His birthday is in February) I'd rather ask for the receipt and get something he can actually use rather than just straight out donate it.
I agree with the train table decision. You can't use it. You can't store it somewhere else to be used. Either you tell dear dad and exchange it or straight out donate it.
sometimes the bump/nest gives us a forum to get vents out that we would otherwise NOT be able to express because they seem self-centered/ungrateful/etc etc - and I get that.
However I think that this is all too common issue this time of year esp and get really bummed out dealing with ungrateful gift recipients. Makes me want to forgo all gift giving/recieving but then i remember its NOT ABOUT ME. and thats what I think most people forget.
There are few times in life that its about you - maybe your bday, maybe your wedding day. But other than that its really *not* about you. People are usually proud of the gift they are giving and I think its important to remember that.
I should clarify, I was in no way trying to chastise the prior posters, just giving my opinion on the matter...and wondering if I was in the minority.
You are not in the minority.
Hey Kelly, it's not you... it's my guilt that created that reaction. I'm sorry to lash out.
I'm totally with you on this. I understand *wanting* to vent about it and take a few minutes to express the many ways someone has just ruined your day, but realize that its not productive, usually has consequences more damaging than just being gracious about it, and remind myself its nice to have people in my life who want and are able to give gifts.
I agree with the OP. I'm very grateful that people buy things for DD. We're lucky that most people ask us what she needs, but it's no biggie if they buy something that's not on our "wish list". Honestly, if it's something we really, really want for DD, we buy it ourselves. If we can't afford it, she doesn't get it until we can afford it, but I certainly don't expect people to buy it for us and then get pissy when they don't or buy her other things. It's materialistic things and it's really not that serious.