S/0 SAHM
I had DD at 20 years old. It was a total accidental pregnancy. We had been together for a few years, but we were not ready by any means to be parents. We shaped up though, and grew up fast. We changed our whole lives for our DS and became awesome parents (not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think we have done a great job). DH got a good job, making relatively good money, and we decided that I should SAH.
That worked for a year or so, and then I started to get antsy. It is not my personality type to SAH. I started to get anxious, and get stir crazy. We decided together that I would go back to work part time. Since I had DS young I never finished college. SIL is great with DS, and had an in home daycare. She watched him for a low rate while I went back to work as a supervisor at a grocery store.
FF a few months. We get pregnant with DD. We were in a better financial place, and can afford it, but we would need me to SAH again. I have forgotten what a hard time I had last time, and am excited to be a SAHM again.
I had DD in March. It was awesome to SAH all summer. We played outside all day, we got out and around to places. We traveled the 3 hours north to see my family often. It was amazing. I felt lucky to be with my kids full time. Now that it is winter however, I feel trapped. Trapped in the house all day, some days we dont leave.
We dont have any mothers groups in my area (it is a small area) I have scoured the internet. Playing outside in the snow with a 3 year old is fun, but not with a 3 year old and an 8 month old. DS is going stir crazy, we dont have a lot of friends around here, or any play groups to join. We dont have the money to join groups at the Y, and most of them only allow toddlers or infants, not both.
I am at a loss. I am starting to become very frustrated. I feel like I want to get out and work again, but I cant afford it (daycare). I feel like I am just sitting here all day, and my kids aren't benefiting and neither am I.
Any advice for me? I have had a few glasses of wine tonight. The frustration has been building. Forgive me if I sound like I am whining, but I just really need some support.
Re: S/0 SAHM
Our library offers a lot of free activities for the kids (all ages).
The mall play place (you could sip on a latte, while the 3 year old runs around and the baby happily sits and plays with a toy).
You could put your oldest in a preschool or daycare a few days (mornings) a week, just to get a little bit of time with only one child.
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I am in the Bangor area. I looked into the library. They have a story time for preschoolers, but babies are not allowed. I think the ages were 3-5. I have gone to walk around the mall a few times. It is just a hassle to get a teething 8 month old all bundled up, and an active 3 year old all bundled up, just to get in the car and walk around the mall. I feel more exhausted by the end of it than it is worth.
Im getting a little depressed I think
I get that trapped, living in a submarine feeling too, especially now that we have below zero temps and a foot of snow. Every week, we go to a mother goose program at the library. Does your library offer anything like this? Would it be something you could take on and host?
We also go to an organized mum and baby get together too. Every Thursday one of us mum's offers to host. We LOVE these days. We get to go and hang out, eat and sometimes even get some semblance of a conversation going too amongst all the noise of babies. There are about 12 - 18 of us who all go... so they're noisy! Would you be willing to host a mama/baby get together weekly?
Good luck, I love being a SAHM, but I don't like being home so much. We thrive when we get out, go for coffee, take the babies (and toddlers for those mums who have them) out for a sled, meet up at houses, etc.
edited for a "their" typo ::gasp!::
I hear ya. Loved staying home the first year of DS1's life. Then got an awesome PT WAH job. It allowed me to stay home with him, but still feel active with work. And to have more time to work, he went to MMO 2x a week for 4 hours each. So I had time away from him to work too. That job ended (no more money for my position) last month. I was at first relieved. Balancing 20 hours of at home work on top of full time parenthood of two was hard, especially on little sleep. But now I'm already lookng for something similar to do.
I dont' know why. Well, it has more to do with finances for us really. Everything is harder with two. I hate running errands with both. Takes forever getting in and out of car seats. Have to worry about baby crying, 3 year old running off, breastfeeding, etc. ugh. I am worried about the winter. We go stir crazy too. doesn't help that even if we wanted to get out, baby taking 2 naps a day keeps us home. I'm lucky that I do have mom friends, DS1 preschool 2x a week (3 hours), and some indoor play areas. but still. Staying home vs. working has pros and cons to each. I just focus on why I am staying home with our kids and it helps me remember a little stir craziness is not going to kill us.
Oh and I have also started a chart. Like a daily routine and weekly list. We stay on the letter of the week at his preschool and do crafts with that letter, practice writing it, color it, make meals using foods that start with it, practice using scissors by cutting it out, etc. The daily routine might get thrown out the window if baby doesn't sleep, but more or less we stick to it. And i think having something to look forward to helps both me and DS1 out.
Story time doesn't allow babies? Surely they are ok with younger siblings coming. Especially if you just keep baby on your lap. I'd go and try it out. If someone says something to you, tell them your story. One baby and a bunch of preschoolers should not be a big deal.
Our library has different age levels, but they say something like "ages 3-5 preferred" or something like that. Like, they are saying "don't bring your baby unless you have to." and in your case, you have to!
I think the finance thing is getting to me too. I feel horrible not contributing. I feel like nothing is MINE, because I dont work for anything. I know that I work at home, but for some reason it just still feels like I have nothing of my own. That is really hard for me. I have been working and making my own money since I was 14, and it is hard to feel like I own nothing.
I do the craft thing with DS as well, we do a letter every week or so. We cut it out in construction paper and he gets to color/paint/glitter it up. We talk about the sounds and what starts with that letter. I have found though, that that is only an hour a day of my time. I am still stuck with the other 23, lol.
Aww - that's weird that they have a story time for 3-5 and that's it. I'm sorry! Have you looked on the University's website at all? Maybe they have something going on? It's so hard - I only have one other mom friend - and we get together every couple of weeks. But it is a lot to get one baby bundled up, I can only imagine what it is like with two :-(. It's good that you are talking about it. I know there is the discovery museum in Bangor too - but I don't know how expensive it is.
I am in a similar boat, we have no family near by, and I think this baby is starting to hate staying at home with me just as much. I was just thinking of things to do outside of the house when winter comes, but a lot of them are kind of awkward to do alone with a kid (like you should have a mommy friend or a daddy come) but oh well that isn't an option right now.
I have been thinking of things like going to Mcdonalds and just eating there as a change of pace (bring the baby her own food), going to the grocery store but making a game out of it, like picking 3 items in each row and talking about them, people watching at the mall, just letting her go crazy in the library (our library story time is disappointing, not to mention its canceled like every other week), and making a lot of day trips to area attractions - since she is so young, shes normally free, I would only have to pay for myself.
We also go to kindermusik (you may be able to find a local class on their website), which she loves, and we have a membership to our local aquarium (costs the same as 2 adults going twice). We are starting swimming lessons at the local high school in January, if you go to your town's park and rec they may have a pool available for public use, and ours has a designated time for her age group. Good luck, I know I get very depressed some days and would love to just put her in daycare for at least one day a week to get a mommy break.