3rd Trimester
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Trying To Keep it Private...

I'm working on my birth plan and sadly, my biggest concern is my family. Specifically, my mom is constantly on her phone--texting, emailing, talking and Facebooking. She has a group of friends that spread people's business like wildfire and I'm just so concerned that the whole world will be getting the play-by-play.

 

My husband and I are very private. We won't allow anyone in the L/D room and we won't give updates on the progress (5 cm, pushing, etc). We actually prefer that the family not sit in the waiting room for hours and hours because I would feel pressure. BUT! We also understand that this is her grandchild and she has every right to be excited. We are too!! :) But we show it differently and I just don't want her to broadcast our happy news before we're ready to. Any tips? 

Re: Trying To Keep it Private...

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    Don't let her know that your on the way to the hospital until you are well established in the labor/pushing phase.  if you are getting an epi they may ask your H to leave the room (my hospital does), that would be a good time for your H to call and let her know.  You can always claim you weren't sure if the contractions were real and then found out you were further along than you thought.

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    Umm, tell her what you just wrote here?? :)
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    The simple solution is to call everyone after you have LO.  That is what I am doing.....I don't want any of that either and can't stand it.  So, once i have LO and am situated in my room, myself or my sister will call everyone to tell them......

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    My suggestions would be to 1) don't tell her when you are in labor or wait until you are farther along and settled in at the hospital.  2) if you don't want to do that and she is going to be there waiting, let the nurses know you don't want updates given and only have her brought back once DC is born.  You can then decide if you want DH to go out and give periodic updates or send texts.
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    I would just call when the baby is born.  I let my parents and IL's know when I was in labor, and then I told them we'd let them know when the baby came.  It was fine...no play-by-plays.
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    This is a tough one...  

    I am SOMEWHAT in the same boat, I mainly just dont want my childs birth being treated like a 3 ring circus and have people bum rushing the L&D minutes after the birth, or waiting around for hours as you mention, it is a special private time.

    I am assuming you plan to have your mom in the L&D while you are in labor and delivering... My suggestion would be to try and have a conversation with her between now and the big day. It may feel akward, but you are both adults. Just ask her to please try to keep things on the DL until you give the green light to spread the news. And/or just simply advise that you would like all cell phone use be kept to a minimum at the hospital so you can focus. Hopefully she will understand and respect your wishes. GL!

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    Married 1/20/07
    DD Born: 2/18/11
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    She can't share with anyone what she doesn't know. If she won't respect your wishes, keep information to a minimum. If she wants to wait in the waiting room, let her. Don't feel obligated to go out every 30 min. and tell her what's going on. Set boundaries.
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    I have shared my story on here before about having my parents, ILs and my SIL in niece in the waiting room for 24 hours practically clawing their way into my room, harrassing the nurses, and not staying where they were told to stay.  They were pissed that I wouldn't let them in the room even though I had made it CLEAR ahead of time that I wasn't going to.  It put a lot of pressure on me and DH felt he had to go in periodically to update them, which annoyed me. 

    This time, I have two options for DD - I will obviously have to notify them because someone will need to watch her, but otherwise, everyone else will get called when DS is born. 

    If for someone reason my family hears through the grapevine that we went to the birth center, or if DS is as stubborn as DD was (my labor with her was 46 hours), I am preparing everyone ahead of time that the birth center limits visitors during cold and flu season (partially true) and we would prefer everyone waited until we were home to visit. 

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    I would tell her what I have told everyone of my friends so far--absolutely nothing baby related on FB.  As far as updating her friends, if she has no updates, then there is nothing to tell them.
    Stephanie Hsu
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    imageJenniferk08:
    Don't let her know that your on the way to the hospital until you are well established in the labor/pushing phase.  if you are getting an epi they may ask your H to leave the room (my hospital does), that would be a good time for your H to call and let her know.  You can always claim you weren't sure if the contractions were real and then found out you were further along than you thought.

    That's weird.

    My sister wouldn't have even made it through the epi without her husband she was in so much pain. This seems mean. 

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    don't tell her you're in labor
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    I have a similar dynamic; my parents are MAJOR oversharers, while DH and I are very private people.  Much easier said than done, but it helps to lay down the law.  When we first told my parents about the baby, we made it clear that nothing to do with our child (no pictures or anything) is ever to go online, that pregnancy complications were not to be discussed with anyone else, and that the announcement had to wait until the anatomy scan, if they wanted a relationship with their grandchild. Granted, I spent weeks 14-20 fielding phone calls from my parents/sibs about what a biotch I was being, but I still got my way.

    Some people truly believe they will "lose face" with their friends or community if they don't share every little detail.  Sometimes this has merit (true in the community where my mom lives) but if someone's backed themself into an awkward social corner, that isn't your or my problem.

    I cannot agree more with Kdodge that it is her grandchild, and that boundaries need to be set.  But I'd talk with your mom beforehand, tell her that you would love to keep her updated, but unless she can keep a lid on your personal business, that won['t happen. 

    Mom to a beautiful boy and girl!
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    Call her when you're getting close to pushing and have one of the nurses tell her that cell phones aren't allowed in the rooms (sensitive equipment, whatever).  Of if you don't want her there at all, say that due to new H1N1 restrictions, only a certain number of visitors are allowed (ie just DH) (this was true last winter, so not that big of stretch)

    My L&D nurses offered to lie for us on several occasions (and family is much less likely to argue with staff than they are with you or DH)

    GL! 

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    Don't give her a play by play of whats happening. Maybe just tell her you are going to the hospital and then when you have had the baby and are comfortable with visitors let her know your baby has arrived.
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    I was a little too busy during labor with my first to be chatting with people on the phone about my progress. When are people making all these calls to give updates during labor?
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    My MIL announced on fb I was pregnant when I was only 8 wks (we wouldn't have told her if we'd known she was going to do that, we told our parents and then specifically and clearly asked them not to tell anyone until 2nd tri). A lot of our friends and family were hurt because we hadn't told them personally yet.

    We told her that we were not going to give her updates until after the baby was born because of this. Privacy is important to us, and it's important for us to get to tell close friends and family before they find out firsthand. She was mad for about 2 minutes.

    Remember as a PP said, the L&D nurses are there for you. They'll help if you ask. If it isn't a really busy day for them, they'll probably willing to talk to family etc. for you. 

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    Just call her once the baby is born. I mean no one should think that when you are in pain and your hubby is running around like a mad man that you are thinking of them, and if they are they are selfish.
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    Thanks everyone. You're very re-assuring and have given me a lot to think about... Like the fact that labor may last long and how restless they would get in the waiting room. Blah! Hadn't even considered the stress that would cause!  I think you're all right about one thing... I need to have a conversation ahead of time to set the expectation. I know they're going to be excited but this isn't exactly a party we're hosting here! So I'm not going to feel responsible for entertaining or accommodating.

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