So sick of family drama (VENT) — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

So sick of family drama (VENT)

My Dad has a rather large family, 6 brothers and sisters, all who are married and have kids. I have about 35 cousins. Growing up everyone was all so close and I have 4 cousins that were around my age and we were inseperable. Now I know that people grow apart but those 4 still talk to each other, I make the effort to talk to them but it just isnt reciprocated. I seem to be the "black sheep" of the family as all four of them went to private all girls schools and either are in college or have graduated. I on the other hand went to a private but co-ed high school, started college but dropped out after 2 years (I am planning on going back next year), am living with my BF and was pg. 

I never heard a single thing when I announced to the family that I was pg or when they found out that we lost the baby. I am still extremely bitter about that as they are my family and to me family is supposed to be there through thick and thin no matter what and not judge even if they disagree with choices that have been made. That is how I was raised and that is what I believe, yet I still have been given the cold shoulder. And it is not just by these cousins but the whole family.

Well today I was lurking on fb and come to find out they are doing a "baby shower/gift exchange" for my cousins wife who is 21wks pg with a girl. REALLY?

I just cant get over how judgemental they are. I am sorry I am not perfect, nor will I ever be but I can admit my mistakes and have learned from them. And just bc they dont agree with some of the choices that I have made I dont feel like I should be given the cold shoulder for it.

I have talked with both my mom and dad about this and they know how I feel. The family Christmas party is 2 weeks from this Saturday and I plan on going but am not sure how long Ill be able to keep quiet if something is said to me.

Sorry this is long. I needed to vent this out. Thanks. If you have made it this far you deserve a drink. :)

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers ANGELS ARE GIVEN WINGS AND TAKEN BACK TOO SOON --- We love and miss you soo much Kacie Rae --- 9/11/10 --- born sleeping at 29wks2d

Re: So sick of family drama (VENT)

  • Ugh, I'm sorry.  Feeling like you are being judged by others is a horrible feeling.  Even worse when its your own family.  Sad  

    Can you maybe just avoid them and/or have a few drinks and suffer through the Christmas party?  

    TTC since January 2010
    BFP 5/9/10. U/S - no heartbeat 6/2/10 (7 weeks). Induced miscarriage 6/7/10.
    Chemical pregnancies 12/2/10, 1/3/11, and 2/7/11.
    dx: RPL due to poor quality uterine lining; begin progesterone January 2011
    BFP 3/10/11. EDD 11/19/11. E arrived 11/15/11!

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  • I am so sorry you have to deal with that ((((hugs)))) especially coming from family. Do you guys get together at all on your own? The 4 of your close cousins I mean - I'm not sure what the family dynamic is like, but maybe you could arrange a g2g and ask them about what's going on?

    I hope that you find something that works for you and get through the family Christmas party as painlessly as possible.

    * PAL/PgAL Bumpie & NBC-Twi Nestie * image Bloggity Blog BFP #1 in 2001 ? natural m/c @ 9w4d ? TTC our first since 2009 ? BFP #2 on 8/25/2010 ? natural M/C @ 7w6d on 9/25/2010 Clomid cycle #1 @ 50mg = BFP #3 on 1/1/11 ~ EDD 9/14/2011!!! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • I know how this is. My brothers went to public school and Ivy league colleges (Yale and Penn) while I went to private religious school (co-ed) while I was in HS, has a year of community college and dropped out to move halfway across the country to live with my then-boyfriend. I am sorry they are judging you, but sometimes you just have to ignore others and remember they don't understand how to deal with things sometimes. About two weeks after each of my MCs, everyone stopped talking about it and moved on and it was old news and should be forgotten. *hugs* I hope it gets better for you, my dear.
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  • Wow, I hope that you can get it all worked out. Hugs.
  • I'm so sorry. What you have been through is so hard and to not have the support of your family and to feel judged like that is just awful. I would show your face for like an hour and get sick off the food and leave ;)
  • image bryanandkatrina:

    I am so sorry you have to deal with that ((((hugs)))) especially coming from family. Do you guys get together at all on your own? The 4 of your close cousins I mean - I'm not sure what the family dynamic is like, but maybe you could arrange a g2g and ask them about what's going on?

    I hope that you find something that works for you and get through the family Christmas party as painlessly as possible.

    We used to see each other all the time but then when their families moved out of town - 1 to MI and 2 - to Cleveland. It became less frequent. When we do see each other its like picking up where you left off. But trying to get a conversation out of them any other time whether it be on fb or text or email is like pulling teeth.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers ANGELS ARE GIVEN WINGS AND TAKEN BACK TOO SOON --- We love and miss you soo much Kacie Rae --- 9/11/10 --- born sleeping at 29wks2d
  • I'm so sorry.  They shouldn't be judgemental - you have a right to live your life as you choose, just as they do.  I wish people would grow up and realize that....
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  • That just sucks. I am so sorry that are so shallow like that. I agree that you should just avoid them if you can. Or just show up with a good buzz so it takes the edge off.

    and you can join Cashew and I in drinking this evening. Here is one to start you off.

    http://www.ttfatloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/jack_daniels_coke.jpg

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  • image millejj1:

    That just sucks. I am so sorry that are so shallow like that. I agree that you should just avoid them if you can. Or just show up with a good buzz so it takes the edge off.

    and you can join Cashew and I in drinking this evening. Here is one to start you off.

    http://www.ttfatloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/jack_daniels_coke.jpg

    That is my plan. Its about an hour and a half drive to the party. My dad is driving since BF cant go cause of work so I plan on getting a nice buzz going on the way there. :)

    Thanks for the drinky drink too. One of my favs :)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers ANGELS ARE GIVEN WINGS AND TAKEN BACK TOO SOON --- We love and miss you soo much Kacie Rae --- 9/11/10 --- born sleeping at 29wks2d
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