So sorry to keep doing this to you guys...
Dragonfly_Bride
member
...but Libby says it's ok to let you all in on my ups and downs, even though I feel terribly guilty about it...so,
The morning after we got home from leaving Olivia in Sac I received a text from a potential birthmom (PBM) in Washington DC. I had been in the shower, and jumped out to see why my phone was going off.
Honestly, I thought it might be the facilitator calling to harass us - I've been sort of on edge waiting for a bill or some sort of nonsense from her. I was so freaked out by the contact, that I ignored the text for a little while, then called my agency to figure out what we should do. They said it was up to me, but the PBM had sent me a link to her Facebook, and so the agency looked and said, well, she has a lot of friends and has been on for a while, so at least she's not just making a page up right now.
The text said to give her a call back, but I was just too afraid, so I stalled and sent another text back asking if I could call her in a couple of hours. She was going into work, but just asked to keep in touch via text. ... So, we have. Yesterday morning we talked for about an hour, and she is really amazing - educated, smart, older, busy, married (this was an oops, birth-control fail kind of thing)... and she really seems to like us. She's told us that she's chosen us to be the parents of her baby. But.... she hasn't spoken much to our agency yet. She took their phone call yesterday, but just to set up a time to talk today, and then didn't answer when they called. I texted her to let her know, as gently as possible, that we can't move forward until she talks with our agency, and she says she'll call them tomorrow am. We know of some possible red-flags (pieces of information that might make our agency tell us this won't be successful), but we are really waiting to get their input first-hand.
I'm keeping some of her details to myself, just because she has some ties to the bay area, and this is all being kept under wraps from everyone in her life, except her husband, her boss and a co-worker. She is due in early January, but says that she has never gone past 37 weeks in her past pregnancies - her babies are usually jaundiced and need the lights, but healthy in every other way. Oh, 37 weeks is two weeks from now. Don't know if it's a boy or girl. She thinks girl... but who knows?
For those of you that believe in signs (yes, you, Kelly Marie (!)), here are a couple for you:
1)We weren't supposed to be searchable on the agency's main website. After Olivia, we asked to be taken down until we could regroup. PBM found us the morning after we came home, and within an hour or so, we were no longer on the website. There was just a miniscule window of time for her to find us.
2) My dh & I were talking last week about where to vacation next, and he suggested PBM's city/area. He's very excited that since I had said no (I wanted to take our future kids there), that now there's a possibility for him to go earlier. So, there you go. Nothing to get excited about, yet, but that's what we're dealing with right now.
Re: So sorry to keep doing this to you guys...
I just have a quick sec to reply but I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking good, good thoughts for you!!
And please don't feel the slightest bit guilty about wanting to share both the ups and the downs w/us! We want to share in your journey (and help you through it) any way we can!!
Do not feel guilty about sharing this with us. You know we are all here for you no matter what.
Sending you good thoughts, wishes, dust, prayers, etc through this journey.
Wow M. I hope this isn't another run around. Sending good thoughts your way.
Does her facebook page show her other kids?
You had better not be sorry. I for one want to know as much as you are comfortable with telling us as it happens. This is amazing journey and I am so happy and privileged to be walking it 'with' you.
And don't loose all sense of excitement and hope... even though it is early on and what happened with Olivia SUCKS, always maintain a little hope and excitement. Hugs.
This is exactly my thought! Your other situation was terrible and cruel to go through, but it is ok to still have a little hope and excitement. I am a BIG BELIEVER in signs... and your signs gave me the chills... I hope this works out for you, I am praying and keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you guys!
It does. Two are in college, two are really young. Every single thing she has told me has been consistent with what I can find on the internets about her. I don't have too much concern that she's scamming us (financially or emotionally), but we are concerned that maybe her dh isn't really "on board" as much as she says he is.
NorCalMOMS bio* NorCalBOTB* babywearingBIO
Harmony Doula
I'm cautiously happy for you! *hugs* I sure hope this works out for you!
I definitely want to hear your ups and downs. This board is here for you and to hear everything.
I am constantly keeping you guys in my prayers. I hope if this is right for you it works out.
I am all in on this ride M. So today be excited and think baby names....think just like every other mommy does while she is waiting for her baby. Because you have no way of knowing what tomorrow holds so you might as well unabashedly enjoy today
Also as far as not contacting the agency...It is something that is done a lot. She just wants this to be done...she feels like she has done her part with finding parents...and probably has done this part of it before.
But it matters and if you havent told her about Olivia I would so she understand where you are coming from. I know I tried to be/say all the right things to Melody but I am glad I told her about our fall through...I think it helped her understand how intense my fears were and why I needed certain things to happen...
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Oh, Marisa - don't ever ever ever feel like you an't come here to talk - we're all excited to be a part of this journey with you - the good parts and the hard parts.
And I'm hot and cold when it comes to signs - sometimes I totally think they're a real thing other times not so much. But, I totally got chills reading your post...for whatever that is worth.
Good luck M! Of course we are here for you through the ups and downs and I hope you feel comfortable sharing all of it! Fingers and toes crossed that this is your baby!
The big red flag for me (and really, who am I to judge?), but I think it's a bit puzzling that she is older, educated, married, has other children, and is willing to give up her oops baby. Again, no judgment on her or anyone else in that situation, but that is the thing that would concern me the most about this situation.
Hopefully, I'm scratching my head for no reason and this works out for you!
They don't play detective, they just look for inconsistencies or red-flags from their experience. I'm actually an expert Googler, if I do say so myself... and haven't found anything weird (but have found lots of stuff).
Right - that is a red-flag, because they have the means to parent, but are choosing not to.
Oh wow, keeping fingers & toes crossed for you! I hope everything works out this time! I'm so glad you are keeping us in the loop with what's going on during your adoption journey. I am honoroed that you are willing to share with us and that you are allowing us to be part of your support system. Good luck!
For what it's worth, my grandmother gave a daughter up for adoption when she was married and had older children (I think they were in their late teens). She just didn't think that she could raise another child. I really hope this works out for you :-)
Photo by Zemya Photography
DD2: February 2014
You're totally right about the children's dads. The first two were with her ex husband when she was late teens/twenties, and the other two are with her current dh. Actually, the third child might be with someone else, I'm not sure, but the fourth is her current dh's.
I know you are a worrier, and that's ok
In any case, her dh is the "legal" father, meaning he has all rights, even above a bio dad, if one was to show up. But I'm not getting that vibe from this situation, though anything is possible.
She simply doesn't think she has the ability to be a good parent to another child.
Interesting enough this part doesnt concern me that much. From the people I know that have adopted almost all are from women that have other kids...And I was so surprised by how "old" most birth mothers are. JLKs birthmom was considered very young and she was 22.
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I have a friend that adopted a baby made thru affair and it was so strange for all involved how they had to remove the husbands rights...
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I was hoping your other post was something to do with your adoption process.
Sending you tons of positive thoughts!!