went out in public today alone

fireflies0306

will i ever get over the urge when people ask (the clerks at target, honda, acme) how are you doing today to break down and cry and sob and tell them honestly i am feeling like my world is upside down?  my dr wants me moving around, and in the last two weeks, things have obviously been neglected (food shopping, which people have helped with), and my car had to get serviced.  so i figured why not today? i had to go pick up my girls anyway from school--we return to the normal custody schedule today, so i might as well get my errands all done.  but 4 hours later, i'm home, and feeling worse than when i woke up.  i don't want to have to hide from people, but i find myself putting on that fake smile and answering, good, how are you?  i haven't been sleeping...although i have sleeping pills from the dr, i don't want to take them while i have my girls, so i tried to wean myself off of them--but instead we go to bed at 10, i lay there till my dh is asleep, then i sneak off into the other room to sob and cry, and read books my mom sent me about grieving, etc.  my dh feels awful b/c he doesn't know it until i climb back into bed 2 or 3 hours later.  when do things get better? or will there always be this hole in my heart, this grief so close to the surface that it threatens to spill over any minute of any day??  

lkfdp

I am sorry you are having such a bad day.

CheesyPeas

I'm so sorry for your loss.  (((HUGS)))  My loss is really new yet too so things definitely haven't improved yet for me.  I keep reading on the TTCAL board that it does get better with time, so I'm holding onto that for the time being.  Just know that you're not alone, and we're here for you!

rowanleaves

Yeah, I went out in public today too.....and I ran into an old friend, who rubbed her tummy and said, "How are things in there?!?" I burst into tears, mumbled that I had had a miscarriage, and walked away. 

 

*sigh* I feel terrible.