Counseling? — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Counseling?

So I am calling this afternoon to make an appt w/ the counselor - I am quite leery of the whole thing but I figure it can't hurt. I tried at my ob office but that was just a really bad plan and I didn't go back. Anyone else been to a good counselor and would care to share what was helpful? How often did you see them? Did they ask you to do anything outside of counseling sessions? journal? etc?  Thanks!

Easter 2010 BFP #1: EDD 12/7/10
Natural m/c 4/17/10 at 6wk 5days.


10/6/10 BFP #2: EDD 6/14/11
Mtx shot 10/15 (5w3d) for cervical ectopic pregnancy


5/11/11 BFP #3 3rd times the charm!!!
Beautiful baby boy born 1/10/12 7lb 14oz 21 inches


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Re: Counseling?

  • I saw a counselor that I had seen on and off for years.  I think the biggest thing is to make sure that you are 100% comfortable with the person you see.  If you aren't comfortable, you won't be forthcoming with how you are feeling and it won't be as effective. 

    But honestly I liked counseling.   It gave me a place where I could get it all out without judgment.  And my counselor was good at leading me to look at things differently but not telling me how I should acting or feeling. 

    I didn't have to do anything outside of counseling except remember coping tools she suggested and try to put them into practice.  

    At first, I saw her once a week and once I started healing every other week, then once a month.

    I hope your counselor can help you as much as mine did.

    Humphrey - the TTCAL mascotimage
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    "I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy. I'm telling you it's gonna be worth it." -Art Williams
    "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
  • (((HUGS))) 

    It's a big step to reach out and find someone to talk to and I hope you find it beneficial.  I went to see a counselor about a month or so ago.  I only had 2 sessions (1x per week) but those 2 sessions really helped a lot.  It was really just a lot of me talking and realizing while some of my sadness was due to the loss, a large part of it was not.

    One of the things I wish my counselor would have done was ask more challenging questions that would require me to reflect more.  I think the lack of that was probably because I had only been to 2 sessions with her.  At the end of my second session she gave me some "homework" of sorts asking me how I'd formulate responses in hypothetical situations or when I'd hear certain comments from people.

    Overall it just felt really good to talk to someone who didn't have any emotional attachment to me or the situation.  It felt good to just unload and actually verbalize a lot of the feelings I had been keeping bottled up for months.

    I stopped seeing that particular counselor because at my second session she informed me that she was pregnant (with a nice little baby bump and all) and was due right around the time I would have been.  While she was very nice, the reminder for me would have been too hard and I didn't think I'd be able to open up as much as I was.

    Good luck!

    bumping from my phone. please pardon any typos and missing punctuation
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  • I've been to a counselor on and off for years as well.

    It was honestly one of the best things that I ever did for myself. It really gives me a place to talk openly and honestly, with someone who wont pass judgment and will be objective.

    I didn't have to do anything outside of the sessions - you counselor said that she always recommends journaling to her clients and/or any other types of emotional outlets.

    Like lorlei said, the most important thing is to make sure you are comfortable with your counselor.

    I hope that you find something that works for you.

    * PAL/PgAL Bumpie & NBC-Twi Nestie * imageBloggity Blog BFP #1 in 2001 ? natural m/c @ 9w4d ? TTC our first since 2009 ? BFP #2 on 8/25/2010 ? natural M/C @ 7w6d on 9/25/2010 Clomid cycle #1 @ 50mg = BFP #3 on 1/1/11 ~ EDD 9/14/2011!!! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I've been seeing a grief counselor for a few months, once a week. Her specialty is pregnancy loss and I find it very helpful. It's nice have an unbiased person who's very familiar with this subject. She gives me some concrete ways of dealing with my grief and a new perspective. Plus, it just gives me an outlet to discuss all these issues. She doesn't ask me to keep a journal, but sometimes she'll ask me to work on something over the week like not obsessively worrying so much. I definitely feel like it's helped keep me grounded.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    BFP 1: 3/19/10 Loss: 7/9/10
    BFP 2: 12/28/10
    My Blog: Losing Sylvia
  • Like PP said, the #1 thing is that you are comfortable with your counselor.  Everyone needs different things and finding someone that you "click" with is important.  In my case, my counselor just lets me talk (and talk and talk) and asks me questions along the way.  She only makes suggestions after I've talked things through.  She did ask me to start a journal, but after I started recognizing what made me upset it wasn't necessary anymore.  I see her about once a week, but that's also because my family drives me BSC and I need help dealing with them (separate from the m/c).  
    imageimage
    TTC #1 since May 2010. BFP #1 - 5/31/10; m/c on 7/22/10
    Started seeing RE in August 2011
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  • I started seeing one a few weeks after my MC. More for anxiety issues but to also deal with my MC. My biggest thing was the way my husband was reacting, or NOT reacting in his case. My counselor made me see his side a lot better than I did and kind of let me get through that part. because my expectations have changed he has actually come around a bit. Also, I do a bit of cognitive behavior training with her and it helps. We also even did an exercise that tested me to see if I was ready (emotionally,mentally) to TTC again. It helped and I realized I WAS ready...good luck!!! :)
    6 & 2 year old, 2 losses
  • I had similar feelings about counseling when I went, but I had too many thoughts in my head and had to talk to someone.  I started grief counseling after my loss in september.  I still go for once a week.  The first few sessions, I basically cried the whole time, but later I talk to her about what was on my mind.  I am really glad I had a couselor because miscarriage was not the only bad thing that happen to me in sept and oct months.  As I went through the difficult times, I had someone to talk to about them, so it helped.  I had a difficulty talking to my husband about all the things that I was thinking in my head.  With a couselor, you can share all your feelings and feel so much better.  I did have a journal when I first got pregnant, but after the loss, I stopped writing.  The thing that helped me the most is talk to the girls on this board outside of counseling.  GL
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    I have been seeing a counselor for about a month.  I chose to go to a Christian counselor that has sessions at a church.  The first lady I met with wasn't the right fit for me.  She said we weren't ready to ttc, that I needed to "make Ella a memory" before we tried.  I didn't like that at all.  A lady I work with recommended another lady to me.  She has helped so much.  She has lost three babies of her own and didn't agree with what the other counselor said.  She told me that she would NEVER say I should be over by now, because you NEVER get over losing your child. Everything is Bible based with her.  She gives a lot of homework that involves reading scriptures and praying.  I have had two weekly sessions with her, and feel like it has helped so much.  We have quit going right now because we can't really afford a session every week.  But I am going to continue the Bible study and praying.  I know that is what helps me.  I hope it helps you and that you find a good fit for you.

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    Our precious angel Ella Christine 5/10/10-5/11/10

    20 precious hours-forever in our hearts

    Born with anencephaly


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    Second Angel lost on 12/21/10 (missed miscarriage at 7 weeks 6 days)






    Elijah, born 11/11/11- Our little miracle



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