probably a flameable vent... — The Bump
Military Families

probably a flameable vent...

Thanks to everyone who read this :o) I did not want to DD (due to family stalking drama) so I just edited it and took the whole story away.

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Re: probably a flameable vent...

  • Not flame-able at all. You have every right to feel the way you do.

    But. She's young. Really young. And she is probably scared out of her mind to even be pregnant, let alone to have her BF (who's probably one of the very few people actually supporting her) gone for a while. To a 16 year-old, that's the end of the world. Try to be patient with her and hopefully she will learn about military life and what it's like to be a spouse from your good example.

    Hang in there.  

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  • image meltoine:

    Not flame-able at all. You have every right to feel the way you do.

    But. She's young. Really young. And she is probably scared out of her mind to even be pregnant, let alone to have her BF (who's probably one of the very few people actually supporting her) gone for a while. To a 16 year-old, that's the end of the world. Try to be patient with her and hopefully she will learn about military life and what it's like to be a spouse from your good example.

    Hang in there.  

    Thanks. I do have to keep reminding myself that she is young. Guess I should have mentioned that the baby is already here. He was born a few months ago...lol.

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  • HOOAH MEDICS!!!!  I'm a medic, kinda!  I'm the idiot who volunteers for a mission, and gets shot during it.....with a pregnant-with-twins wife is back home!  I'm such an AWESOME husband!

     

    On a side note:  she didn't know about it til I came home early!  Good Husband!

  • Def. not flamable!  (Even though I got flamed a couple months ago for a similar post - STAY AWAY MEANIES!)

    My husband's best friend has this weird girlfriend who keeps telling me that she knows what I'm going through and she complains CONSTANTLY about the time she was planning on visiting him in Virginia (while she still lived in Tx.) for Valentine's day but his ship was sent to Haiti and she didn't get to visit him.  Booooo Freaking WHOOOO!  My husband missed my entire pregnancy because of c-school, Haiti and the oil spill and NO - you don't know what I'm going through because your boyfriend has NEVER been deployed.  This is our third deployment so thanks for your crummy advice, psycho.

    That is what I would like to say.  I know how frustrating it can be.  Like pp said, she is very young and terrified of her entire situation, I am sure.  One day when she's wiser she will encounter a similar situation and feel exactly the way you do now. 

    Harper is so excited to be a big brother!

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  • it probably has a lot to do with her age... not that it makes it any less frustrating for you!

     

    When I was in high school my BF at the time went to Europe for 3 weeks.. I thought my world was crumbling right before my eyes lol. Seriously... my sister's BF was on a deployment and I thoguht we could *relate* . I was very young and apparently lacked understanding/empathy/brains.

     

    Now, my DH has missed half my pregnancy, my daughter's birth, and will miss her first year. That 3 weeks seems like a molehill compared to this mountain, and yet, I know that 16-ish months isn't as bad as what many others are facing.  

     

    Anyways..... I will be keeping you and your DH and family in my thoughts and prayers! 

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  • I can understand your frustration.  It is totally fine to vent.

    But you need to keep this stuff to yourself or on message boards like this.  She is VERY young and probably scared to death.  My DH left for the Naval Academy when I was 17 and I thought it was the end of the world.  Emotionally, due to my age, it was much harder to say goodbye to him then than it was 6 years later when he left for his first deployment.  And I didn't have a baby to add to the stress.  Age does matter.  Perspective matters.  And she is super immature in both respects.

    If I were you I would try to set a graceful example.  As I have gotten more military wife experience I have decided that comparing deployments, comparing danger, and comparing communication opportunities is a fruitless endeavour.

    I have decided over the years that when friends complain about their husband's business trips I listen, empathize, and move on.  TO THEM it is hard.  TO THEM they are going to have to adjust.  I am not going to scoff at my friends and their separations because I have done long deployments with almost zero contact.  It doesn't help ANYONE or accomplish anything to disregard my friends or family's feelings because I have it "soooo much harder".

    Remember... it is all about perspective.  You are coming from a place that 99% of the world doesn't understand and truly CAN'T understand.  Because of that, you are probably wise about separation and could be a huge support for friends or family dealing with their own challenges.  So you can choose to be bitter and angry and annoyed.  Or you can choose to help your 16 year old niece adjust. 

  • image Bec&Elly:

    HOOAH MEDICS!!!!  I'm a medic, kinda!  I'm the idiot who volunteers for a mission, and gets shot during it.....with a pregnant-with-twins wife is back home!  I'm such an AWESOME husband!

     

    On a side note:  she didn't know about it til I came home early!  Good Husband!


    Wow...how on earth did you keep getting shot quiet?! I would have probably shot my husband again myself if he didn't tell me lol.  But, I guess your wife being pregnant with twins she didn't need any added stress :o)


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  • Thanks everyone :o) I know she's young. She is just irritating. Haha. She thinks that she knows everything, but what 16-17 year old doesn't?
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  • image JoBieger05:

    image Bec&Elly:

    HOOAH MEDICS!!!!  I'm a medic, kinda!  I'm the idiot who volunteers for a mission, and gets shot during it.....with a pregnant-with-twins wife is back home!  I'm such an AWESOME husband!

     

    On a side note:  she didn't know about it til I came home early!  Good Husband!


    Wow...how on earth did you keep getting shot quiet?! I would have probably shot my husband again myself if he didn't tell me lol.  But, I guess your wife being pregnant with twins she didn't need any added stress :o)


     I had my sister and my mom as my emergency contact people.  My sister was also in Iraq at the time, so they sent her over.

    My wife was about 28wks pregnant, high risk, and shes not one that does well with being told something like that... I waited til I got home because if she sees me, in one piece, and can hold me in her arms, its a lot easier

  • image Bec&Elly:
    image JoBieger05:

    image Bec&Elly:

    HOOAH MEDICS!!!!  I'm a medic, kinda!  I'm the idiot who volunteers for a mission, and gets shot during it.....with a pregnant-with-twins wife is back home!  I'm such an AWESOME husband!

     

    On a side note:  she didn't know about it til I came home early!  Good Husband!


    Wow...how on earth did you keep getting shot quiet?! I would have probably shot my husband again myself if he didn't tell me lol.  But, I guess your wife being pregnant with twins she didn't need any added stress :o)


     I had my sister and my mom as my emergency contact people.  My sister was also in Iraq at the time, so they sent her over.

    My wife was about 28wks pregnant, high risk, and shes not one that does well with being told something like that... I waited til I got home because if she sees me, in one piece, and can hold me in her arms, its a lot easier

    Has your wife had the twins yet? And are you okay after getting shot? 

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  • image JoBieger05:
    image Bec&Elly:
    image JoBieger05:

    image Bec&Elly:

    HOOAH MEDICS!!!!  I'm a medic, kinda!  I'm the idiot who volunteers for a mission, and gets shot during it.....with a pregnant-with-twins wife is back home!  I'm such an AWESOME husband!

     

    On a side note:  she didn't know about it til I came home early!  Good Husband!

    Twins will be one on Dec 27! (my wife is not 80+ weeks pregnant....just having difficulty changing ticker)

    All my ribs have healed up, for the most part (got shot in vest with second shot), my left arm (first shot) is healed up, though we are still working on reversing a little nerve damage in my pinky and ring finger (have to wear my wedding ring on my right so I don't lose it....again.... X) )


    Wow...how on earth did you keep getting shot quiet?! I would have probably shot my husband again myself if he didn't tell me lol.  But, I guess your wife being pregnant with twins she didn't need any added stress :o)


     I had my sister and my mom as my emergency contact people.  My sister was also in Iraq at the time, so they sent her over.

    My wife was about 28wks pregnant, high risk, and shes not one that does well with being told something like that... I waited til I got home because if she sees me, in one piece, and can hold me in her arms, its a lot easier

    Has your wife had the twins yet? And are you okay after getting shot? 

  • image JoBieger05:
    image Bec&Elly:
    image JoBieger05:

    image Bec&Elly:

    HOOAH MEDICS!!!!  I'm a medic, kinda!  I'm the idiot who volunteers for a mission, and gets shot during it.....with a pregnant-with-twins wife is back home!  I'm such an AWESOME husband!

     

    On a side note:  she didn't know about it til I came home early!  Good Husband!


    Wow...how on earth did you keep getting shot quiet?! I would have probably shot my husband again myself if he didn't tell me lol.  But, I guess your wife being pregnant with twins she didn't need any added stress :o)


     I had my sister and my mom as my emergency contact people.  My sister was also in Iraq at the time, so they sent her over.

    My wife was about 28wks pregnant, high risk, and shes not one that does well with being told something like that... I waited til I got home because if she sees me, in one piece, and can hold me in her arms, its a lot easier

    Has your wife had the twins yet? And are you okay after getting shot? 

    Twins will be one on Dec 27! (my wife is not 80+ weeks pregnant....just having difficulty changing ticker), They were born 5 days after I got home, at 33.5wks, Charlie was at 31.5wk development

    All my ribs have healed up, for the most part (got shot in vest with second shot), my left arm (first shot) is healed up, though we are still working on reversing a little nerve damage in my pinky and ring finger (have to wear my wedding ring on my right so I don't lose it....again.... X) )

     

  • image Bec&Elly:

    image JoBieger05:
    image Bec&Elly:
    image JoBieger05:

    image Bec&Elly:

    HOOAH MEDICS!!!!  I'm a medic, kinda!  I'm the idiot who volunteers for a mission, and gets shot during it.....with a pregnant-with-twins wife is back home!  I'm such an AWESOME husband!

     

    On a side note:  she didn't know about it til I came home early!  Good Husband!


    Wow...how on earth did you keep getting shot quiet?! I would have probably shot my husband again myself if he didn't tell me lol.  But, I guess your wife being pregnant with twins she didn't need any added stress :o)


     I had my sister and my mom as my emergency contact people.  My sister was also in Iraq at the time, so they sent her over.

    My wife was about 28wks pregnant, high risk, and shes not one that does well with being told something like that... I waited til I got home because if she sees me, in one piece, and can hold me in her arms, its a lot easier

    Has your wife had the twins yet? And are you okay after getting shot? 

    Twins will be one on Dec 27! (my wife is not 80+ weeks pregnant....just having difficulty changing ticker), They were born 5 days after I got home, at 33.5wks, Charlie was at 31.5wk development

    All my ribs have healed up, for the most part (got shot in vest with second shot), my left arm (first shot) is healed up, though we are still working on reversing a little nerve damage in my pinky and ring finger (have to wear my wedding ring on my right so I don't lose it....again.... X) )

     

    Haha if I could remember how to change the ticker I would tell you. That's great that you got to be there for the birth!

    Wow, that's really good that you are healing up. I hope that they get the nerve damage figured out :o)

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  • image JoBieger05:
    image Bec&Elly:

    image JoBieger05:
    image Bec&Elly:
    image JoBieger05:

    image Bec&Elly:




     


    Haha if I could remember how to change the ticker I would tell you. That's great that you got to be there for the birth!

    Wow, that's really good that you are healing up. I hope that they get the nerve damage figured out :o)

    I'm more glad about the ribs.... 7 fractures/breaks, 5 cracks.... *bleh*

  • My husband just left for basic yesterday and I bawled... Later when I was talking to my mom I was telling her how silly I felt, he is only a few states away and I know he is safe... so what was the big deal?! Dont get me wrong, I miss him something terrible but I felt selfish because I know there are families, like yours, who are/will be going through much more than I am. So I put my big girl pants on and decided that this is going to be a part of our life from now on and that I just need to deal with his absence for now. He wont be back for the birth of our baby but he will be in tech school and will *hopefully* be able to be there via webcam or at least on the phone...

    I know, for sure, that I have no idea what you will be going through! I expect that someday I will but I think the girl is just looking for someone to reach out to... a mentor so to speak. Hopefully you can be a guide for her and help her along the way a little... sounds like she needs guidance anyways!

    I will be praying for you and your family!!

  • image bruceandhailey:

    My husband just left for basic yesterday and I bawled... Later when I was talking to my mom I was telling her how silly I felt, he is only a few states away and I know he is safe... so what was the big deal?! Dont get me wrong, I miss him something terrible but I felt selfish because I know there are families, like yours, who are/will be going through much more than I am. So I put my big girl pants on and decided that this is going to be a part of our life from now on and that I just need to deal with his absence for now. He wont be back for the birth of our baby but he will be in tech school and will *hopefully* be able to be there via webcam or at least on the phone...

    I know, for sure, that I have no idea what you will be going through! I expect that someday I will but I think the girl is just looking for someone to reach out to... a mentor so to speak. Hopefully you can be a guide for her and help her along the way a little... sounds like she needs guidance anyways!

    I will be praying for you and your family!!

    I have been exactly where you have been. So I know how hard it is for you to be away from your DH. I cried for days after he left for BCT. And he was only 45 mins away! Haha. He went to BCT at Fort Jackson and we live in Sumter. So I would sometimes go drive around post and see if I could see him.  I was a mess for the first weekish. It gets easier with time.

    I know that she is looking for someone to talk to...but it can't be me. There are more underlying issues that I can't go into on the internet. It's a sticky sticky situation...

    If you want to PM me if you need someone to talk to please do. I promise that it will get easier...then hard...then easier again :o)

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  • image Bec&Elly:
    image JoBieger05:
    image Bec&Elly:

    image JoBieger05:
    image Bec&Elly:
    image JoBieger05:

    image Bec&Elly:



    Oh, dear. That sounds horrible. Ouch.

     


    Haha if I could remember how to change the ticker I would tell you. That's great that you got to be there for the birth!

    Wow, that's really good that you are healing up. I hope that they get the nerve damage figured out :o)

    I'm more glad about the ribs.... 7 fractures/breaks, 5 cracks.... *bleh*

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  • As a woman with an H at A school, I cannot imagine how difficult a deployment might be.  You're right, at least I know DH is safe, I can talk to him every day, visit each other occasionally.  I cannot believe she thinks basic is anything like a deployment.  She definitely has a lot to learn!  If anything she should be asking you for advice on how to handle the separation.  Not flammable at all!!  Totally understandable.
  • I'm honestly not flaming but posts like these get me because my husband may never be deployed for 12-18 months and be shot at. He's in the navy so his deployments are usually 6-8 months and he's on a boat. Does that mean I can't understand what another military family is going through or that I don't have as much of a right to complain on the days I am feeling down? It just reminds me of playing " well I have it tougher".
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  • image anabell0920:
    I'm honestly not flaming but posts like these get me because my husband may never be deployed for 12-18 months and be shot at. He's in the navy so his deployments are usually 6-8 months and he's on a boat. Does that mean I can't understand what another military family is going through or that I don't have as much of a right to complain on the days I am feeling down? It just reminds me of playing " well I have it tougher".

    I didn't say DH's cousin was deploying. I said he was going to be at BCT and AIT. Never once did I say anything about a different kind of deployment. You know what it's like. A deployment is a deployment. BCT and AIT in no way add up to your husband being on a ship for 6-8 months.

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  • image JoBieger05:

    image anabell0920:
    I'm honestly not flaming but posts like these get me because my husband may never be deployed for 12-18 months and be shot at. He's in the navy so his deployments are usually 6-8 months and he's on a boat. Does that mean I can't understand what another military family is going through or that I don't have as much of a right to complain on the days I am feeling down? It just reminds me of playing " well I have it tougher".

    I didn't say DH's cousin was deploying. I said he was going to be at BCT and AIT. Never once did I say anything about a different kind of deployment. You know what it's like. A deployment is a deployment. BCT and AIT in no way add up to your husband being on a ship for 6-8 months.

    Actually I had a harder time with bootcamp. It was the first time we had ever been apart we only got snail mail and 1 phone call for 2 months. Ok so with your logic it's only deployments that are equal? What about training or underways? Those are usually only about 2-4 months long for the navy do those still count? I still don't get why you are knocking her feelings. She's young, just had a baby and is dealing with a lot as well. She's trying to seek comfort in someone who has or will be experiencing the same sort of feelings. I'm sorry I don't care if it's basic, training, underways,duty days time apart is time apart.
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  • image anabell0920:
    image JoBieger05:

    image anabell0920:
    I'm honestly not flaming but posts like these get me because my husband may never be deployed for 12-18 months and be shot at. He's in the navy so his deployments are usually 6-8 months and he's on a boat. Does that mean I can't understand what another military family is going through or that I don't have as much of a right to complain on the days I am feeling down? It just reminds me of playing " well I have it tougher".

    I didn't say DH's cousin was deploying. I said he was going to be at BCT and AIT. Never once did I say anything about a different kind of deployment. You know what it's like. A deployment is a deployment. BCT and AIT in no way add up to your husband being on a ship for 6-8 months.

    Actually I had a harder time with bootcamp. It was the first time we had ever been apart we only got snail mail and 1 phone call for 2 months. Ok so with your logic it's only deployments that are equal? What about training or underways? Those are usually only about 2-4 months long for the navy do those still count? I still don't get why you are knocking her feelings. She's young, just had a baby and is dealing with a lot as well. She's trying to seek comfort in someone who has or will be experiencing the same sort of feelings. I'm sorry I don't care if it's basic, training, underways,duty days time apart is time apart.

    OKAY Ladies.....chill.

    Lets make it simple:

    When us nice strong, handsome males....and our female battles, depending on what we do, leave the safety of the nice piece of dirt we call the USA, that is what we will call a deployment.

    and ALL deployments that take us away from our families suck.....and it doesn't matter whether its me in Iraq, my sailor buddies in the Pacific, or my *bleh* flying buddies.....any deployment can be "dangerous".  We had my SD's best friend's dad, a Fleet Admiral (whatever that actually means) have a heart attack and pass away on a training exercise in the Atlantic......I've personally been blow'd up and shot......and I've had an Air Force *bleh* buddy crash land a jet and lose a leg....

    Anything that involves humans is dangerous.....doesn't even need to be enemies.

    The Navy has to deal with sometimes very dangerous conditions out at sea, because the weather is not always friendly.

    The Air Force....well.....anytime you toss tin in the sky its if-fy.

    Coast Guard......shoot, some CG units just stay stateside, and STILL have a more dangerous job than the rest of us (Alaska: flying tin, stormy ocean, boats, AND humans)

    Every group has their own stressors, and as much shii as I talk about my Siblings in Arms, I know that we all have to deal with the same type of crap when we leave our families behind, be it for training, nautical exercises, korean night ops, flight school, deployment, etc.

    [DONT EVER LET THIS LEAVE THIS ROOM:

    The Army ain't the only Branch that has it hard.....the goldfish and butterflies have similarly respectable challenges in their operating procedures, and have it just as tough as us Highspeed Soldiers. ]

    Navy may only deploy for 6-9mo compared to the Army's 12-18mo, but they deploy twice as often as we do!  AND, sometimes the goldfish come to dry land and do all the stuff we do in Iraq and Afghanistan.

  • image anabell0920:
    image JoBieger05:

    image anabell0920:
    I'm honestly not flaming but posts like these get me because my husband may never be deployed for 12-18 months and be shot at. He's in the navy so his deployments are usually 6-8 months and he's on a boat. Does that mean I can't understand what another military family is going through or that I don't have as much of a right to complain on the days I am feeling down? It just reminds me of playing " well I have it tougher".

    I didn't say DH's cousin was deploying. I said he was going to be at BCT and AIT. Never once did I say anything about a different kind of deployment. You know what it's like. A deployment is a deployment. BCT and AIT in no way add up to your husband being on a ship for 6-8 months.

    Actually I had a harder time with bootcamp. It was the first time we had ever been apart we only got snail mail and 1 phone call for 2 months. Ok so with your logic it's only deployments that are equal? What about training or underways? Those are usually only about 2-4 months long for the navy do those still count? I still don't get why you are knocking her feelings. She's young, just had a baby and is dealing with a lot as well. She's trying to seek comfort in someone who has or will be experiencing the same sort of feelings. I'm sorry I don't care if it's basic, training, underways,duty days time apart is time apart.

    IMO I looked at OP's logic as "would I rather my husband be at BCT or in combat.  I would choose BCT every time.

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  • You think you're prepared for the worst. You're not.
  • image KaLu16:
    You think you're prepared for the worst. You're not.

    I am not in a land of puppies and rainbows, hun. My husband is a COMBAT medic. I don't want my husband to die while he is trying to save someone elses. But, think what you may...I am prepared. And so is he. What other choice do we have? He's written his will and told me what he wants to happen if he is killed. This is what he signed up for. He signed up to serve his country and to save other soldiers lives. Would I have it any other way? No. I wouldn't. I love my life and I love my husband.

    We have watched soldiers go out and not come back. We are in a war. How can we as military wives not be prepared? I have cried over him being deployed and I have moved on.

    The military is our life. I currently have two cousins in Iraq and Afghanistan. One is a Marine and the other is Air Force and she prepares the fallen soldiers for their final trip home.

    Like I said...think what you may. But, I am prepared. I have to be.

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  • You sound prepared for the worst. I live in the dream land where the boys are on some kind of camping trip and are probably making s'mores right now..

    I'm totally feeling you - my DH will deploy in Jan when our first born will be around a week old IF he comes on time, if our son is late he'll miss the whole thing. Its a 6 month deployment but chances are he'll be gone for 18 months total. It really really gets me going when friends say "omg, my hubby has gone away for a week for work i don't know how i'll survive"

    I *know* that its a big deal to them and i try and support them but sometimes i want to slap them.

     I think you can grind your teeth and rant away here as long as you arent a b*** to the face of some poor kid who's had a kid herself and is looking for some support.

  • I'm just saying we all think we're prepared... until our worst nightmare comes true.
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