Problems w/SD-longish
Ok, so I apologize I don't post here much, but I have a dilemma and none of my friends IRL can relate. We have been having problems with SD for about the past year, she is 14 and splits time 50/50 at our house and BM. The main problems are lying and poor attitude, typical teenage stuff.
Well last week I found a credit card of mine in her dresser drawer. It was a situation where the credit card company had sent me a new card. I remember getting it in the mail about 9mo to a year ago and either left it on the dining room table or the office desk. I don't use the card and there is a zero balance so I had no idea that it was even missing. Luckily I never activated it so even if SD tried to use it she would not have been able to.
Now I know when DH confronts her about this tonight she is going to probably lie about it, I have no clue what kind of excuse she will come up with but I am sure it will not be the truth.
How would you handle this situation??
Re: Problems w/SD-longish
I would sit down with your H before you confront her and develop a game plan. If you suspect that she will lie when you confront her then talk to him about how you two plan on addressing it. I would not let the lie go. I would sit her down and keep her there until you get the truth. And as for discipline, again, I think you and your H should have a pow wow to discuss what you think is appropriate.
I also recommend the book "How to Talk so Kids Listen and How to Listen so Kids Talk" It has a lot of good suggestions for every day behavior problems that result in happy children and happy adults. It's really helped us.
If you are certain she will lie then do not give her a chance to lie, tell her she was caught with it and what the consequence is but do not ask why. Oh, I would make it clear that you know she never used it and that had she used it the consequences would have been worse - you do not want her to walk away thinking how she did nothing wrong since she did not use it and that next time she should just go all the way since the consequence is the same.
As for long-term, you need to get to the bottom of why she is acting out and what to do about it b/c I can promise you this will get worse and not better, she is "only" 14 and you have 4 more years before she is a legal adult and you/your DH should be seriously concerned that if it has not already escalated to stealing from others that it will and whether she is doing drugs or will be shortly.
Good luck, I have been there.
Devil's advocate here . . . why were you in her dresser drawers? At 14 years old, that is an extreme violation of privacy and trust. What kinds of things has she lied about in the past?
She has taken my things (mostly clothing) in the past without asking and without returning them and many times the items end up at her BM's house and I never see them again. The situation with her is a lot worse than I am making it sound in OP.
Will it matter to her if she gets caught? If she is that defiant, it makes me question how she will respond to being confronted. Obviously you think she will lie, but if given the chance to admit what she did before being confronted, do you think she would?
I know that the one time I got caught doing something blatently wrong, my parents told me that they knew what I had done and that the consequences would be much less severe if I came clean about it before they confronted me. Of course like a dummy I fell for it and ended up telling them MUCH more than what they already knew and I got in big trouble. I was also the kind of kid that really cared about whether or not I disappointed my parents.