Single Parents

Here is a ? for the veterans

On any given day, I do not dwell on the fact that I'm divorced and a single mom. I am handling it fine, and I'm not lonely. It has been 3 years.

But on holidays, there's just that feeling you get that you are missing out on something. It's as if you are doing great all day, handling things and getting things done, seeing everyone. Then at the end of the day when you are driving home from all the festivities, and it's just you and the kids, here comes the reminder that it's just you and the kids and that your kids will not have the same memories of their dad that you have of your dad and your childhood. It's kind of like a pity party I guess, and being tired makes it worse.

So . . . my question is . . . does that go away? How long does it take? Or can I change my way of thinking? If so, I'd like some hints for Christmas!!!

Re: Here is a ? for the veterans

  • I tried to look at it differently and after a while, it wasn't so hard.  I constantly reminded myself (and not just on the holidays) that my DD and I were a complete family and we didn't need a man there to make us a family.  That eachother was all we needed and was more than enough.  The first few years were the worst, but by year 5 it just seemed right and normal for it to be just be the two of us. 

    I'm not saying that I never had those thoughts after putting her down at night, the night before Christmas, but they weren't as all consuming as they'd been in the past.  It does get easier, hang in there Mama!

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  • The first holidays after my split w/ XH were incredibly hard.  I stressed and lost sleep and worried about it for so long, I hardly was able to enjoy it.  This year I am enjoying every second, and really looking forward to Christmas with just me and the kids.  It just keeps getting better.  Hang in there!
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  • It really does get easier and a lot more fun.  Don't stress about what your not giving them.  Only you know what is not normal...and really what or who is normal.  You are creating a new normal a new family and new traditions.

    The children only remember how happy, excited and special the holidays.  Personally my holidays got a lot less stressful b/c my ex wasn't around to ruin them with his insanity, chaos and drama.

    My first christmas after we separated (i told him to move out on Thanksgiving) I still went to his family's house to drop off the children for presents and the day.  I was supposed to open my presents b/c he hadn't told his family we were splitting up yet.  The annual family arguments started and the it's not fair she got more (from my then husband about his adult sister) I looked at the chaos and said I don't have to be here I don't have to do this anymore and I walked out and drove off to be with friends.  

    It was so freeing!

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  • For me it's just constant disappointment.  XH and I used to have so much fun this time of year - from going to the pumpkin patch in the fall (even when we were just dating) to Christmas and New Year's - and it's all freaking up in smoke.  There were so many things we were excited about doing once we had kids, and now I'm doing them all on my own.

    I think it's probably normal, and maybe it will be better with time.  This is my second holiday season since XH left, and it doesn't necessarily feel any better.

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