apparently I "cheated"

angelynn8411 · November 2010

so, 3 of us in my mom's group had babies within a month of one another. The other moms were talking about how great the other 2 moms look, and then one girl said "you don't count, you cheated" meaning I had my baby early, so baby weight doesn't count since I didn't go full term etc.

Not only is that hurtful because it's another reminder that I had a preemie but it totally discredits the fact that I looked great during this whole 2nd pregnancy. I've been pregnant twice. the first time, I gained 42 lbs and was a fat, swollen mess. The second time, i worked out up until I had her unexpectedly at 32 weeks. I was on track to gain about half as much weight the second time around. I felt great and was proud of myself.

but apparently, since she came early, it's supposed to be a given i would lose the baby weight easily. if anything, it was harder in some ways. I had PPD, stress of a baby in the NICU, fluid retention for almost 2 weeks from the pitocin, recovered from a c-section so i was unable to exercise for 2 1/2 months, meals were delivered to our house that were super yummy but nothing healthy, etc etc.

ugh. just thought i would complain to some people that might understand.

lexismom1008 · November 2010

Ugh. I'm sorry. People can be so stupid with their comments! (( hugs ))

ntimmons · November 2010

This makes me so mad! I had my second daughter 2 weeks ago at 34 weeks and ever since people keep telling me how jealous they are that I didn't have to endure the last 6 weeks of pregnancy or that I didn't gain more weight. It makes me want to pull my hair out! Are they seriously jealous that I didn't get to come home with my child, etc.? Come on people - think before you speak!

Okay, rant over, but thanks for bringing this up!

lilbit923 · November 2010

My son was a NICU baby and he was delivered by c-section due to failure to progress (scarred cervix from cancer) and my daughter was born a month early so she was a c-section as well. It always ticked me off to hear my Mom tell my my labors didn't count because I had a c-section. She would say it was so easy for me because I didn't have to push. So when it came time to have my little girl, I wanted her in there. She has a very weak stomach and after watching Emma be born, she didn't have a thing to say afterwards.

Your friends haven't a clue what it's like to watch your baby struggle in the NICU. That is anything but the easiest way to have a baby. Your heart is laying in that isolette as you are praying from hour to hour to have God please save your baby. My heart goes out to you as I know how gut wrenching it is to watch your little one go through something no newborn should ever have to experience. I felt so helpless for weeks watching Connor and praying he would live. God be with you and your family.

sabloja · November 2010

My aunt said something similar. We were all talking about gaining weight with babies and my cousin and I were due on the same day had gained 50 lbs. I said I didnt gain any and she said well you were barely in your 3rd trimester and that is when you gain all the weight. Well I proved her wrong! With my daughter I only gained 17 lbs and had her at 36 weeks! Take that b!tch! You are right it is just another reminder that doesnt need to be spoken about!

luvdv8 · November 2010

Ugh, comments like this really bother me! I also get "Oh, you don't know what really labor was like because she was only 5lbs!" Oh yeah? She was blessed with her father's HUGE head- she was in the 80th percentile for head circumference at 35 weeks- and really, that's the hardest part whether baby is 5lbs or 10 lbs.

Try not to let it get you down- our birth experiences are just as valid as anyone else's. And FWIW most women drop a few pounds in their last weeks, so really some full term mammas are lighter than they would have been if they had given birth a month earlier.

lgmom2010 · November 2010

That is so rude!!! I probably would have freaked out right then and there and started crying. That is such a sensitive thing to women like us...how can someone be so insensitive and not think before they say something like that! I've gotten a few comments about DD being 1 lb...someone said "well imagine having a normal baby like a 6 lber" and someone else asked me if the labor was even hard bc she was so small. I seriously just want to flip them all the middle finger!

sdtchica13 · November 2010

OMG, your friend seriously needs someone to take her by the shirt front and smack the crap out of her! I had my LO just shy of 30 weeks (3 pounder), and I had already gained 30 pounds due to lack of activity (I was on modified rest and was not allowed to work out). Add in a c-section, hemorrhaging so badly that I needed two units of blood and a serious shock to my system (I still don't feel great almost 9 months later and my horemones are out of whack), and I am STILL up 12 pounds from pre-baby weight and cannot fit into my damn jeans, lol.

I guess, by your friend's standards, I must be REALY lazy then, since I still havent taken all of the weight off even with my "cheating". That is seriously one of the most insensitive comments I have ever heard! Whether we had a 1 pound baby or a 10 pound baby, and whether we delivered at 42 weeks or 24 weeks, we still put major stress on our bodies, and that should be respected. Ignore your friend, she is probably just jealous that she is still fat and you aren't, lol.

lgmom2010 · November 2010

sdtchica13:
". That is seriously one of the most insensitive comments I have ever heard! Whether we had a 1 pound baby or a 10 pound baby, and whether we delivered at 42 weeks or 24 weeks, we still put major stress on our bodies, and that should be respected.

lgmom2010 · November 2010

lgmom2010:
sdtchica13:
". That is seriously one of the most insensitive comments I have ever heard! Whether we had a 1 pound baby or a 10 pound baby, and whether we delivered at 42 weeks or 24 weeks, we still put major stress on our bodies, and that should be respected.

Amen Sister!!

tSquared1987 · November 2010

cheated? HA! I was in labor for 21 hours when i was 30 weeks pregnant. i had NO pain medication as I went from 0 to FULLY DILATED (and trust me, i *WANTED* the pain meds lol it was not voluntary that I didn't get them) Only when I was on the OR table about to have a csection did I get a spinal. But i according to them, I "cheated" because my kids were not full term?

HA!! riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

kkh2002 · November 2010

Yeah...I lost the 5lbs I gained + 30 more. Ya know, because being in the NICU for 16wks and worrying every day that your child might die doesn't really leave you with a good appetite.

I'm pretty sure I'd punch someone who said that to me right square in the throat.

mandynicholson · November 2010

Oh my, that's just terrible! I had my own aunt tell me yesterday that I looked like a fat f*** in my own house while she was visiting my son. My fianc?e threw her out and said "nobody talks to my baby's mother that way no matter who they are." Don't let it get to you so much, even though it is extremely hurtful. Having a preemie is definitely not cheating; if anything it makes you stronger as a mother. I don't know if I'd feel as confident as I do knowing that I was able to keep myself calm, cool and collected (mostly) throughout Cameron's month long stay in the NICU. You say that you felt great and you were proud of yourself. Don't let other people's stupid comments ruin that feeling. You ARE beautiful whether you gained 5 pounds or 50 pounds. What matters is how you feel about yourself.

twh2006 · November 2010

Like a pp said I also lost a lot of weight right away and people would comment on it thinking they were being cute. "Oh you are so lucky" Um no I'm not, I didn't eat for 4 days due to induction, abruption and nearly dying and not being concious for 3 of the four days....Yeah...super lucky me. I didn't even get to see the baby in person for several days. I'd have been tickled to have actually gained a ton of weight to have had him like I was suppose to and hold him immediately after our natural birth like I had planned.