It's a toddler sleep night from... not a pleasant place... - suggestions?

papagena

What do you do when your toddler won't go to sleep (although he needs to) and you know some of what he's doing is to stall, and every time you DO go up to comfort, he's worse when you leave?  (I have never been able to get him to go to sleep while I'm in the room, fwiw - ok - once, at 4 am, but only the once...).  I feel like we're treading the 1/2 stalling, but still only 2 line, and I'm feeling guilty/like a bad parent. 

clayswife

don't know if it's an option for you, but DS comes and falls asleep with me if he's having 'a night'.  Right now though, a lot of his sleep issues are, we think, jealousy related as baby is in our room and he is not...

He's been having bad dreams and the only thing that gets him back to sleep is cuddling with mom.  It's interesting because DD likes to suck a whole lot in her sleep and so, yeah, I'm a human pacifier for her as well lol... I end up surrounded and DH, well, he gets the couch   FWIW, DH moves DS once he's in a deep sleep.

luvlieK

Every night C falls asleep in our bed and then dh carries him in.  He never really has a bed time.  He sleeps when he is ready.  I gave up on the rest lol

luvlieK

Oh and if he wakes up in the middle of the night he comes back in with us.  (Usually his notorious 4 am waking).  

nsees

Eli in our bed was never really an option for us...just didn't work.  From an early age, we had to be firm...he was smart enough to figure out stalling early.  We just stuck to the routine and gave him plenty of warnings.  At that age I would give him one extra book or extra rocking time...whatever you do but I wouldn't let him "win" too much because it creates such a vicious cycle.  Right now after books, DH cuddles with him (while I'm with Evan who is still in the nursing to sleep zone) and he'll warn him...5 more minutes, 2 more minutes...

Hope you all got some rest last night!

Lotte134

I know it's probably too late now, but.......

What works best for us on those nights is 'checking back.'  So I tell DS that I need to put my pajamas on, for example, and I will check back when I'm done.  So I go do that and then go back, stay just a minute, give him another kiss, whatever, then say I need to do X.  Each time I make it just a bit longer, but if he screams bloody murder I go back.  The goal is for him to be able to relax knowing I'm coming back and hopefully just fall asleep one of the times which usually happens though it can take awhile. I like it because I don't feel trapped in his room for hours in end on the nights when it takes him longer to fall asleep and it lets me stick to his bedtime routine, but do it in a gentle way.

If you want a good book to read I got this technique from Sleepless in America which I really like.

Dobie_Mama

Lotte134:

What works best for us on those nights is 'checking back.'  So I tell DS that I need to put my pajamas on, for example, and I will check back when I'm done.  So I go do that and then go back, stay just a minute, give him another kiss, whatever, then say I need to do X.  Each time I make it just a bit longer, but if he screams bloody murder I go back.  The goal is for him to be able to relax knowing I'm coming back and hopefully just fall asleep one of the times which usually happens though it can take awhile. I like it because I don't feel trapped in his room for hours in end on the nights when it takes him longer to fall asleep and it lets me stick to his bedtime routine, but do it in a gentle way.

This is what we've always done on those kinds of nights, as well.

papagena

Thanks gals - he did get to sleep a bit after I posted last night after some fancy/slightly deceitful work by DH.  I'll give some of your suggestions a try though - it doesn't happen often, but every once in awhile, it just seems nothing out of my usual bag o' tricks works!

nsees

Love the "checking back" idea...definitely taking a mental note on that!