Babies: 3 - 6 Months
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Relationship with spouse

Hi ladies - I know I am hardly ever on here or post but I need to get this out and am seeking some encouragement.  DH and I have been together for a very long time.  We are so happy with our little bundle of joy but I have been finding that our own relationship has really changed.  He is an amazing husband and a wonderful caretaker.  So incredibly helpful with DS and around the house.  However, he is constantly short with me and gives me so much attitude! Sometimes I find myself really hating him and wishing he would just go away. 

When I asked him what he thought about our relationship he responded with "we have no relationship" and that hurt me beyond belief.  He said he meant that it was not longer just the two of us but always us three now.  Today he said something along the same lines by saying our relationship is broken and can never be fixed.

In a lot of ways our family has become better with our new addition but we have definitely lost a lot of what we used to have...perhaps all of it.  I am so beyond upset over this.  I just don't know what to do.  I have tried talking to him but it always seems to get us nowhere.

Anyone else going through this?  I would love to know that we are not alone in this struggle.

Re: Relationship with spouse

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    I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but you either need to seek marriage counseling or a divorce lawyer. It sounds like you need a LOT more than encouragement from internet strangers.


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    Have you found any time for just the two of you since LO has arrived?  DH and I find it super important to get some alone time.  When we are having a rough patch, a lot of times we quickly realize that we haven't had a "date night" in too long.  My mom has a crib at her house, so just about every other weekend we go there, get him down (he goes to sleep at 6:30) and go out for a late dinner and movie.  This has helped keep us sane.  We try our best to not talk about DS because we realize that it's important to be able to have other things to talk about like we did before him.  This part is hard because, of course, he is our whole world! 

    I highly doubt you're alone in your struggles- I've seen a lot of Mama's on here talk about similar issues.  This is silly to reference, but I remember watching an episode of Dr.Phil where older couples were on and comtemplating divorce after years and years of marriage.  He said that many couples' lives revolve so much around their children, that when their children grow and leave the home, the couple has nothing left.  Maybe you could plan something fun for just you and DH sometime soon- your relationship being healthy is just as important as your relationships with your LO.

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    I'm sorry your going through this. Can you leave LO with a babysitter for a night and just have a date night or talk about things? It sounds cheezy, but communication is the key. I don't know where we would be without talking. We also like to lay in bed together and just talk, when DD is asleep. It gives us our time alone.
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    I know sometimes my DH tends to be a little short with me or doesn't provide any feedback when he knows there is a problem, but isn't sure what he wants to do about it.  I think first you and your DH need to get out and have some together time. Having a baby often times puts your SO on the back-burner, which can be a hard place to be if you have never been there before. 

    Maybe work on doing little things for each other.  My DH works a lot and is rarely home.  When he is I try and give him a 5 minute back scratch or make him his favorite dessert.  It's no where near the time we spent together before, but it seems that these little things help him to know that he's still important to me and it's a reminder of the relationship we have.

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    Great book:

    https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Makes-Three-Preserving-Rekindling/dp/1400097371

    Communication is key and it sounds like you guys might need some help in that area.

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    When DH and I took the first part of our parenting class (goes through teenage years) the main point of the before baby class was for us to remember that our relationship always comes first. That doesn't mean we don't love out daughter, or if the three of us were sitting there starving with only one piece of bread, that we wouldn't give it to her, just that prioritizing our relationship is important and the rest falls into place. Children feel secure when they know their family and home is secure. Anyway, I didn't mean that to sound preachy, just to point out that there is another way of thinking instead of seeing your child as an intrusion on your relationship. I hope you get it sorted out, with counseling if needed.
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    imagePubStar09:

    I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but you either need to seek marriage counseling or a divorce lawyer. It sounds like you need a LOT more than encouragement from internet strangers.


    This. And like others said, communication is key. Talk it out and consider a counselor. Good luck, I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

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    Maybe you need a weekend apart to miss each other. When your always overlapping, and getting no quality time apart or together, it can make a relationship seem dull.

    Try to think of things you did at the start of te relationship that he loved. Do those things again.

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    My husband did this to me briefly and, when talking things out, he said he realized that he was frustrated with how much his/our life has changed and seems like it is no longer our own.  Just realizing that, voicing it, and giving ourselves time to come to terms with this huge change has helped.
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    I had this issue with DH, your here's a few things to remember- sometimes people don't mean what they say.  Guys adjust to babies differently than women do,   I would give the talking thing a break and just try to spend more time with him.
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