breastfeeders (or pumpers) please come in

ESM354

I am at my wits end with trying to breastfeed.  It is just too difficult and time consuming.  Especially since I am still trying to pump to maintain a milk supply.  Which, by the way, isn't working.  He nurses ok most of the time but then he starts to reflux and just comes off before he is full then won't go back on.  So I hold him for awhile and lay him back down then he grunts and groans and cries until I feed him some more- usually from a bottle to make things easier.  I am trying so hard because I want for it to work out so badly this time.  It never really worked for my other son either.  I just hear stories about how it is supposed to be a special bonding between the mom and baby and for me it is having exactly the opposite effect- I am starting to get angry at him about it which is completely unreasonable especially after all he has been through in his little life. 

I just feel bad becuase I know how good for him the breastmilk is but it is just really starting to get on my nerves.  I have a freezer full of milk to still use so that should get me through maybe another month or so but I just feel guilty about stopping.  I know I could still pump and bottle too but I don't know if that would be any easier. 

 Please help me even if it is just to tell me I am crazy.  Thanks for any advice in advance.

ArvadaBride

I've had to resort to exclusively pumping and feeding my DD via bottle since she has reflux and it just seems to make her attacks more prevalent.

It sucks and I feel tied to that damn pump.  I still make bottles and then I'm pumping.  I get little sleep because she is either eating or I'm pumping but I"m willing to do it to give her every little bit of a fighting chance against weight loss, and illness.  Plus, it does save us money.  I want the best for my daughter as you do for your son.

I think what you may want to think about is as long as your sweet boy is eating, growing, gaining weight and is happy and MOM is happy then all is good.  Not everyone can be a breastfeeder and honestly, the pumping sucks.  It's time consuming and I'm constantly on such a stringent schedule that I do hate that part but I"m willing to do that.

Have you met with a lactation consultant?  Maybe your let do is really powerful and thus choking your DS, since he might be able to keep up and thus why he may act as if he is refluxing!

Good luck and try not to be too hard on yourself.

BTW - I do nurse at times but it comes right back up when I go to burp her so I just feed her a bottle since it stays down.  Not sure why but it does, so that's what I do.

ArvadaBride

I'm offically an idiot since I"m not truly a successful breastfeeder.  I'm sorry but maybe my post helps.

ESM354

You are not an idiot- I will take any advice and support.  I should have titled my post differently.  Thanks!

lexismom1008

I, also, had to resort to EPing. DS would only nurse with a nipple shield and eventually would refuse even that. I have pretty much been EPing since the beginning and although it is trying, it's definitely worth it to me for him to have the breastmilk through flu and rsv season. One thing that has helped me is to set goals for myself. My first goal was to make it to 3 months. Now, my goal is 9 months or until spring comes. I think pumping does eventually get easier because you can cut out pumping sessions. Some people are able to get down to 4 pumps per day. I have always had supply issues, so I'm still pumping every 3 hours during the day and once during the night. I keep thinking that maybe my LO will eventually nurse, but I tried today and he just gags, so I guess that's a no go. :-) Do what you feel is right for yourself and your LO. No one will think less of you if you don't pump or breastfeed. You need to keep your sanity and, trust me, sometimes I feel like I'm losing mine. It never fails, when I need to pump, LO screams nonstop! GL in whatever you decide. You've done a great thing by giving your LO breastmilk this long!

Bippy798

I hope it does work out for you but if it doesn't and you quit, don't feel bad! It was amazing the difference in how I felt after I stopped BFing/Pumping. My supply had gotten so low I was constantly a mess. I went from completely stressed at every feeding time to being able to actually relax and enjoy my baby boy. My son has done wonderfully being exclusively formula fed since 3.5 months.

mrsbnlmel

I know it can be the hardest decision to make, quitting, pumping, formula feeding, in the end you have to remember as long as your baby is fed you are doing a great job. You can't be so hard on yourself about it. 

FWIW, I made it to about 3 months before I was about to lose my mind with trying to breastfeed. I was so ready to quit. I had to pump and fortify my milk for the first 6 weeks. Then I had a horrible battle with PPD and had to pump and dump until we figured out my medication. Owen wouldn't latch after all the bottles in the NICU. He had a horrible reflux that had to be sorted out. My supply was horrible despite pumping every 3 hours around the clock. I felt like a failure. 

Someone gave me the advice to not quit on a bad day. Well we never had a good day, but I decided if I was going to quit it would be on a day that wasn't the worst. I stuck it out a little longer and it was like night and day. All of the sudden at 3 1/2 months it just clicked. Suddenly he latched, ate like crazy and started gaining a ton of weight. He is still nursing at a year. Everything sort of fell into place. So don't lose hope. Keep in mind my boy was near term, 35 weeks. I know that the challenges of an earlier preemie are much different than I dealt with but doesn't mean it can't work. And if it doesn't. It doesn't. Your child will be happy and healthy either way. You are doing a great job!

Sweets2005

It definitely is not always easy! You are doing a great job, though! Check out this facebook page, it is really active ans has helped me soooooooooo much!

https://www.facebook.com/TheLeakyBoob

MarriedBestFriends

Hugs mama. I EPed for a year and it sucked every day. DD finally latched with a nipple shield at 3 weeks, it killed my supply, I had to pump every hour to bring it back for days, and then we both got thrush so I threw in the nursing towel at about 2 months. I will absolutely say, without a doubt, that it was very worth it to me and I'd do it again- I wanted to get through cold/flu season but ended up going a year. I was fortunate enough to built a huge deep freezer stash (in 2 deep freezers that cost us some $$ LOL!) and give her frozen EBM until 18.5 months but if someone would have told me at your LO's age that that happen I would have laughed in their face. Just take it one pumping at a time, get multiple pump parts, and best of luck in whatever you decide!

massnk

I pumped the first couple months while my lo had a feeding tube then breastfed a couple months but had to stop because he needed his feeds thickened.  I then pumped exclusively again for a couple months.  I think it is sooo hard to pump, use bottles and breastfeed so I wouldn't worry about quitting.  I would try and pump at least a couple times a day for as long as possible if you can.  I ended up getting a stomach virus and my lo didn't get it and I think it has to be bc he got my antibodies.  Either way if you are that frustrated, and understandably, I would stop.  The fact that your lo has had a couple months of breast milk is very good!