"Do you love him more. . .?"

rolypolybaby

I was catching up with a friend of mine who I hadn't talked to in a while.  The last time I talked to him, I was 6 months pregnant.  A few weeks later, I had the baby.  So, when we talked now, he was a bit surprised to hear that the baby was already born.  We had kind of an interesting discussion.

He asked if I loved my baby more than if we had never gone through the NICU experience. 

I said that I couldn't really compare since this was my first baby, and going through the NICU experience was all I knew.  However, I didn't think it would be fair to say that I loved my baby MORE than parents who never went through the NICU experience.  Ultimately, I think us NICU parents appreciate more what parents of full-term babies probably take for granted, things like breathing and eating.

What do you guys think?  I thought this might make for an interesting discussion.

Kate621

I have no reference because this is also our first baby but I agree that you just appreciate the small things so much more. The first time he was breathing without any support, the first time he took a whole bottle, the first time I got to change his diaper, those moments are so special. I hope that I never take those little moments for granted. Having to see your child so sick really puts things into perspective.

luckycooky

DD is my first as well but I don't think I would say I love her more.  I would say that I appreciate her more and celebrate her achievements more than I ever thought I would.  I am also a little more cautious with her than I probably would be had she been full term just because I have seen some of her weaknesses.

kkh2002

I think DH and I are better parents than we would have been otherwise.  We appreciate every little accomplishment and we're (slowly) learning not to sweat the small stuff.

angelynn8411

this is my 2nd and I think you always kind of enjoy your 2nd more because you stop worrying about how you are doing as a parent and trust yourself more. You also realize how quickly time goes. 

I will say though, if anything, I had a harder time bonding with my preemie than I did with my full term baby. It was a combination of the shock of the situation, PPD, not being able to hold her, etc

ayram

It certainly makes the fussiness easier to deal with!  Knowing that he has come so far and has been through so much already. 

arthist24

DS is also my first, so I don't have a frame of reference, but I will say I appreciate him in a way I don't think I would have if we didn't have the experience we did.  I don't take anything for granted with him.

kessmd

luckycooky:

DD is my first as well but I don't think I would say I love her more.  I would say that I appreciate her more and celebrate her achievements more than I ever thought I would.  I am also a little more cautious with her than I probably would be had she been full term just because I have seen some of her weaknesses.

This for DS. I feel like we just have an appreciation for things more because we know how fragile life can be.

lexismom1008

I definitely appreciate everything he does more, but I don't think I love him more. I think I would have loved him just the same if he were a full term baby. Like PP said, the first time I held him, when the O2 came off, the first time he nursed, the first time he smiled, etc. were all major milestones for him that I would have taken for granted with a term baby, so I appreciate every small step he takes!

rolypolybaby

I think I am more cautious also.  I think there's a fine line between appropriately cautious and overprotective, and I'm not sure where I fall.  But, I'd rather be a little overprotective right now.

One thing that annoyed me a lot was getting advice from other parents.  I don't think I would have minded as much as if DS was born full-term.  But I was getting advice like "let him cry a bit, it will make his lungs strong", and "don't hold him too much".  And this was BEFORE his original due date.  Um, I spent the first 6 weeks of his life not holding him, and if he wants to be held now, I'm going to hold him. 

witt0198

Honestly, I think it made the bonding harder, and I was so stressed and sleep deprived at the beginning I felt like I couldn't appreciate the normal things. I do agree that I think I have a much greater appreciation for things like eating etc, than I would have without it. I think the experience fine tuned my parenting skills and my ability to advocate and stand up for my child.

Do I love him more....I don't know, how would you quantify that anyway.....I don't love him any less!

thomas2013

My preemie was ny first also. I struggled with putting up a wall b/c I was afrid of loosing him. I love him to death and am amazed by everything he has been through and thank god every day he is here. I am pregnant with my second I was concerned that I would bound faster with this one and it makes me feel guilty. I can let you know in 8 months LOL. but I hope not i don't think so. I just find it hard b/c I didn't get to see him at all intill 9 hours after he was born and didn't get to hold him till he was almost 2 months old this made it very hard to bond with him and feel motherly.

luckycooky

rolypolybaby:

One thing that annoyed me a lot was getting advice from other parents.  I don't think I would have minded as much as if DS was born full-term.  But I was getting advice like "let him cry a bit, it will make his lungs strong", and "don't hold him too much".  And this was BEFORE his original due date.  Um, I spent the first 6 weeks of his life not holding him, and if he wants to be held now, I'm going to hold him. 

Or comments from people who don't have children of their own but because they know somebody with a child, they are the expert.  Love these people