I don't want to go to my shower...

Swoop1

This is my fourth, yes I'm having a shower, my family has a shower for every baby, not as elaborate as your first, but a chance to come together and celebrate. FLAME AWAY. 

My aunt & cousin offered to host a shower for me, and at first I was REALLY excited, until the date started to get closer. My normally really organized cousin did not send out the invites until early last week, the shower is tomorrow. So starting Thursday I started  getting calls from friends saying on such short notice they couldn't make it, but let's get together at another time.

Then I found out my MIL contacted members of her side of the family/friends and told them it was not necessary to come to the shower and she was so embarrassed that I was having a "shower" for a fourth baby. (She on her own accord hosted a sprinkle for my 3rd lil guy, 3 years ago?! Her and I have not been getting along well lately because of a disagreement we had involving my DH's healthcare, she finally realized I outrank her in the ER. We have been married 8 years.) Although those people she spoke with are still attending, it is really hurtful, embarrassing and frustrating for her to do something like that. 

My mom is kind of bonkers and she moved out of state very suddenly and I have not talked to her since June, no contact what-so-ever. So not only am I worried for her and step-dad's well-being, I am hurt that they have not bothered to let us know that they are safe, or checked in to see how are family is doing. Everyone I talk to keeps asking me if she will be at the shower, and then they want to know how she is, where they moved, answers I do not have. UGH.

My two best friends offered to throw me a shower a few weeks after my Aunt and Cousin offered, but I do not have a ton of people to invite, so I told them I would rather just have one shower, but thanked them graciously. I let them know the date the shower was planned for and they both marked it in their calendars. NOW, suddenly neither can attend, but want to get together for cocktails/mocktails another night. Oh, let's go out so I can be the designated driver, no thank you.

I am sure I am making too much of this, I am a hormonal wreck. BUT I am really frustrated. I feel bad for my Aunt and Cousin because they have put a lot of time into my shower and the guest list dwindled from 30 to less than or maybe 12 in a week. I do not mean to sound ungrateful at all, but I do not want to face the 20 questions about my mom, the where is so and so questions and my MIL's drama. I feel like I am back in middle school and this shower is some lame popularity contest or something. 

 

 Vent/Rant/Pity-Party over.....Thanks. 

TheEvansFamily

Under all those circustances, I can honestly say I wouldn't be too exceited to attend either. I feel your pain though in a way, my baby shower is being thrown togeher last minute by MIL because she felt bad that nobody else threw me one, so I really don't want to be at mine either because I feel like it will just be a pity party. But either way, I will go, enjoy the food and the conversation, and then return to normal pregnant life counting down the days until LO arrives. I mean it's a party, how bad can it be? Keep your head up!

lindseybell3

Honestly, if I were a friend or family member I wouldn't want to go to your shower either.  Your FOURTH child? What else do you need? It's kind of too late for you to just not go so I guess you're going to have to just suck it up and be as nice as possible about any annoying questions for anyone who does show up.

jillybean800

Wow. Lots of info.  No need to go on the defensive so quickly.  It is was it is.

I would say just breathe, have fun with the handful of people who do come, and call it a day.  To be honest you probably actually DON'T need another shower, so you don't really have to stress about getting the things you need.  You are in the lucky position of just getting to go and have fun with those who do come, and get a few fun gifts in the process.

My guess is that most people who are close to you have kind of heard about your mom through the grapevine.  If they do ask, just prepare a quick sentence, such as "I'm not sure, we haven't had much contact lately," and leave it at that.  They will get the hint that it's a sore subject, and probably change the subject themselves.

Good luck!

Chick7806

lindseybell3:

Honestly, if I were a friend or family member I wouldn't want to go to your shower either.  Your FOURTH child? What else do you need? It's kind of too late for you to just not go so I guess you're going to have to just suck it up and be as nice as possible about any annoying questions for anyone who does show up.

This. But whatever the case, I hope it all works out. Showers and drama should not go together, but whatever. Sorry it's tough.  

Swoop1

Let me repeat that multiple showers are VERY acceptable in our circle, if they weren't no one would have offered to throw one. I don't need baby items so, no I'm not stressing about that.  I didn't go out and register, and for those that have asked me what we need I've told them we don't need anything, and if they push, I say diapers or wipes. 

I think it's sad that people see "showers" as only a gift event. I know that's how they began, a way to "shower" someone in gifts, but I like that we celebrate every pregnancy in my family. That page devoted to the baby shower in EACH of my boys baby books has pictures of family and friends getting ready to welcome them. Showers for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th whatever tend to be more of a cake, silly games and conversation type of event for our family and friends. I guess I see it as more of a bonding event for the ladies in our group.

Thank you for saying what you've said it made me think about things in a different light. I'm excited again about all the fun stuff we'll do and how lucky I am to have the people I have in my life that are excited about my baby, EVEN IF IT IS MY FOURTH?!

 

Chick7806

4boys?ohmy:

Let me repeat that multiple showers are VERY acceptable in our circle, if they weren't no one would have offered to throw one. I don't need baby items so, no I'm not stressing about that.  I didn't go out and register, and for those that have asked me what we need I've told them we don't need anything, and if they push, I say diapers or wipes. 

I think it's sad that people see "showers" as only a gift event. I know that's how they began, a way to "shower" someone in gifts, but I like that we celebrate every pregnancy in my family. That page devoted to the baby shower in EACH of my boys baby books has pictures of family and friends getting ready to welcome them. Showers for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th whatever tend to be more of a cake, silly games and conversation type of event for our family and friends. I guess I see it as more of a bonding event for the ladies in our group.

Thank you for saying what you've said it made me think about things in a different light. I'm excited again about all the fun stuff we'll do and how lucky I am to have the people I have in my life that are excited about my baby, EVEN IF IT IS MY FOURTH?!

 

See the title of your own post... Now you're excited?