And WWYD about this toddler behavior

crackerjackprinter

DD will.not. look at me when I am trying to talk to her.  She repeats request CONSTANTLY and when I ask her to look at me so I can explain why the request cannot be granted, she purposely looks away.  I am sure she knows what we're going to say and doesn't want to hear us say it.

I really want to figure out if I can get her to look me in the eye.  It drives me nuts.  I also want her to stop the dang repetiveness but I can't seem to figure out how to explain that if she asks like that she is not getting what she wants.  And a lot of it is stuff I don't want to deny her, like sitting on my lap or nursing or drinks.  But I know we're reinforcing the asking constantly because she does eventually get it. 

Argh.  Why don't they come with manuals?!

babyluv617

Declan doesn't look at me a lot of times when I want/need him to. I repeat and repeat until he finally locks eyes with me then I praise him.

barnwife

Being a new mom I really don't have advice. But I do know this...in some cultures it's considered rude for a child to look in an adult's eyes. (I ran into this a few times as a teacher.) Anyway, it makes me wonder...why is our culture obsessed with it? Not that it's bad that you want your DD to do so, I just wonder why some cultures think it's good and others think it's bad.

Can anyone enlighten me?

hamilton.ja

Totally normal. I often have to turn Bruce's face to look at me. I repeat 100 times "Bruce, look at me. Bruce, pay attention to what we're doing. Look over here" - probably 20 times a day. And he is repetitive. I don't think there's much to do about that but wait for them to mature enough to grow out of it. I try telling him that by asking 50 times it won't make me give in and it won't make me go any faster (say he wants me to do something but I'm feeding Evelyn and I say "as soon as I am done I will do that" and he just asks over and over again). He sometimes says ok and stops and waits and then I praise him for being really patient when I am finally able to do whatever he is asking.

crackerjackprinter

barnwife:

Being a new mom I really don't have advice. But I do know this...in some cultures it's considered rude for a child to look in an adult's eyes. (I ran into this a few times as a teacher.) Anyway, it makes me wonder...why is our culture obsessed with it? Not that it's bad that you want your DD to do so, I just wonder why some cultures think it's good and others think it's bad.

Can anyone enlighten me?

In my case, I just know (from the few times I *could* get her to do it) that if she looks at me she will understand what I am saying and stop repeating herself.  Other than that, I don't really care.

MissyOlivePants

I'm not sure what to say but I have empathy because we have the same issue, too.

However, one thing I've had good luck with the last couple of days is... "DD you can do this one more time, then it's mama's turn, ok?"  And when she does it, she'll look at me and nicely say "mama's turn now!" And there's no yelling at me to do it again!

Genevieved

I think I would not battle the not looking you in eye thing.  She knows it drives you nuts that is why she is doing it.  She can still hear you even if she isn't looking at you.  I would just say "remember us your big girl voice. mommy can I sit on your lap please"

Once you tell her what to say the goal is to have her repeat it in a big girl voice.  You may have to go word for word at first but I'm sure you will get to  a point when you can say use your big girl voice and she will.  Once she uses her big girl voice give her what she wants.  I also think that if you don't stress the eye thing is will come. Just be sure when she does look at you, you show her you are happy she is looking at you.

If after not making it a battle for awhile she will not look at you I may stress it again.

Genevieved

crackerjackprinter:

DD will.not. look at me when I am trying to talk to her.  She repeats request CONSTANTLY and when I ask her to look at me so I can explain why the request cannot be granted, she purposely looks away.  I am sure she knows what we're going to say and doesn't want to hear us say it.

Sorry I miss this part.  I know this may not sound great but it works really well.  If you it will be about 10mins before you can grant her request, explain to her that she will have to wait, suggest she does something else and set a timer.  One that she can see count down will work the best.  When the timer goes of the request is granted. 

It is important that you grant the request when the timer goes off.  Also start her off with a very short times and build to longer times.  It will not take long before she will understand what is going on and will stop asking because she will understand when the bell rings she gets what she wants.

A timer like this works well at younger ages but is not necessary

https://www.amazon.com/TIME-TIMER-INCH-MODEL-AUDIBLE/dp/B003JNPOII/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1288750428&sr=8-3

proudarmywife08

For DD, when I want her to look at me, I get down to her level and talk to her. Eventually she has to look my way, if not, I stop talking and tell her to look at my eyes when I talk. She doesn't like it, but she knows she's not getting away from me w/o looking me in the eyes.

And for constant asking, I tell her she needs to wait and she's fine to wait until I can talk to her. I also tell her she's not getting anything if she keeps asking. And we've taught her to ask nicely for things "I would like xyz please" and if she doesn't ask that way, she doesn't get it. It takes time and consistency to get a toddler to comply and DD only does this about half the time. Be patient and consistent, it will come.