DH afraid to have sex — The Bump
2nd Trimester

DH afraid to have sex

I am 24 weeks and my DH won't have sex!  He says he's afraid of hurting the baby.  Which in my eyes is an excuse because he knows he can't hurt the baby.  I think he is just not attracted to me right now because of my growing belly which is really making me feel low.  He promises me he loves me just the way I am.  Have any of you ladies expierenced this with your DH?
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Re: DH afraid to have sex

  • Yes, yes and yes.

    My DH stopped having sex with me (first time around) at about 28 weeks.  His excuse was that he decided it was too uncomfortable for me.  Um, hello?  I think I can be the judge of that, TYVM!

    This time around, I don't remember the last time we had sex.  I'm too exhausted by the time we crawl into bed and DS is up at the butt-crack of dawn.  On a positive note, he isn't complaining either.

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  • Yes, and it's not a great feeling. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. I'm trying really hard not to take it personally, but hormones make that difficult. My guy says it kind of weirds him out knowing his little girl is in there. I respect that, but that doesn't mean I have to agree. My best advice is to try to be patient. Even if ya'll don't have sex much while you're pregnant, it's not forever and it will go back to how it was. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
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  • Lurking... My DF said the same thing and I didn't believe him at all. I confronted him about it later on and he said that when we were having sex he could feel the baby move which freaked him out. Sure enough the next time we did it our LO started moving and honestly it kind of killed the mood for me to lol!
    Wife. Boy mom x5. Expecting #6. Wannabe homesteader.

  • Yes!  It kills me, but he says he is afraid of hurting the baby also.  He has been told by my doctor and my Bradley instructor that it will not harm the baby, so I think it is an excuse too.  I think it is because he isn't attracted to me and I told him that it makes me feel like garbage.  It's been tough because he won't even tell me I look nice or show many any type of affection.  Since we started the Bradley class, he will give me a massage at night, but definitely not even close to how our massages used to go... :(  I am worried that it won't change after I have the baby...either because he won't find me attractive, or he will view me as a "mom" instead of a sexual being...ugh.
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  • It's possible that he may not be attracted to you but that seems unlikely. Guys usually aren't as put off by the body changes as we are.

    We've stopped having sex for a variety of reasons. The main one being that H finds it hard to be intimate so close to his daughter. If he feels her move it's over, if I have a contraction it's over, if he thinks about her while we're trying it's over. He just can't get aroused when he knows she's involved. It has nothing to do with me or being sexually attracted to me as we can do other things but sex is too intrusive to her space right now for him.

    I know it's hard, and even though I know H is still attracted to me I've had a few crying melt downs over the decrease in intimacy but I don't want to force him into something that makes him uncomfortable.

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  • Hello Ladies,,

     So, that's what it takes for me to feel LO move, SEX!!! Okay,, Dh hasn't said that he doesn't want to have it,, so when he comes home this weekend, hope he won't be so tired that we can have sex and hope the baby does move so I can feel it!! Thanks!!

    Shanin: Love your Boxers, I have 2, a boy and a girl and they look like yours!!

  • I'm sorry it's making you feel bad. I don't remember the last time we had sex but we do other things instead. Neither of us have really pushed sex, either I'm tired or have a headache or he isn't feeling good so we just do other stuff.
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