TTC after 35

Anyone have to talk DH into TTC?

We have 2 beautiful boys, and I would like to have a 3rd child.  DH was on board for 3 kids when we got married, but now that life is different 2 kids and 6 years later, he isn't sure about #3.  I'd like to start TTC in April of next year, but DH isn't sure we can afford maternity leave a 3rd time.  That would be a long way away, and we can start saving up for it now.  Also, we thought that DS#2 had Down Syndrome, and it was an agonizing month of amnios and waiting for results.  Everything turned out fine, but it was the most stressful month of our lives!  I think that really is the reason he is wavering on baby #3.  I think the money thing is just a way of avoiding the real reason.  He is scared.  So am I, but I guess I trust in God having a plan for us.  You know?  Anyway, did you have to talk DH into it, or was he on board from the start?  Thanks!
Baby #1: 19 cycles, failed IUI, and 1 + IVF 3-5-07
Baby #2: 12 cycles, 1 failed FET, natural miracle but m/c at 9 weeks then another natural miracle that stuck! 9-30-09

TTC #3 - 4 cycles - no BFP yet!

Re: Anyone have to talk DH into TTC?

  • Yes, I had to constantly plea my case because of OOP and he just had the attitude if it's meant to be than it will happen. I pretty much told him I wanted a child with him and and if he wasn't going to be on board than I didn't want to grow old with someone who didn't at least say we did what we could. After the serious talk he has been on board all the way. My situation isn't at all like yours cause we have no children and have had m/c's but I do know how you feel. Hang in there.
  • My husband and I talked about kids before we got married and how many we wanted.  He's pretty easy going so basically whatever I want he wants.  I also said two was a good number but with the way things are going one sounds just fine to me.

    I can see your husbands side. Even though your son, Michael, has no health issues (at least that's what I gather from what you wrote) due to having down syndrome, I imagine, there is still/will be a lot more involved financially with him than with your other son.   If not now, down the road won't there possible be therapy?  Special schooling that might cost more?  Maybe I'm wrong but if not than I can see why he would be hestitant for a 3rd baby.

    Also, I'm of the thought that not wanting a baby always trumps wanting one and I don't think I'd feel comfortable having to talk my husband into having more children.

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  • have you considered IVF? They can test the embryos before transfer to make sure only healthy babies grow. DH and I are also undergoing extesnive genetic testing before becoming PG. I have several relatives with downs syndrome, mental retardation, etc., I work with people with disabilites every day, and my eggs are nearly 37 years old. I know there are risks and I want to do everything I can to minimize those risks. If I had a child with a disability I would love it dearly, but there is no way I would bring a child into this world without doing everything in my power to make sure it was healthy. Its not fair to teh child and its not fair to the family.  If you did have a child who had lifelong needs, think of the impact this would have on your othr children. In the short term it would mean they would have less of yoru resources (it takes a ton of moeny and time to care for a child iwth a disability) and in the longterm they woudl feel responsible for that child for life. I have always known, since I was 5 probably, taht when my mother passes I will have to care for my older brother for the rest of his life. That is a HUGE responsibility to put on yur children.

    Point is - people iwth disabilities can live full lives and should be valued. But the impact is very great on teh family and I can understand YH's fears. If he's not ready to move forward I wouldn't push. Imagine the strain it would place on your family if his worst fear came true and he blamed you for pushing. Jsut my two cetns.

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    History of IF and 2.5 years TTC. The day we were to start our first IUI we received a call that changed our lives forever and 10 month old Olivia joined our family. Shortly thereafter we got a surprise BFP and baby 2 is due July 5, 2012

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