I think I belong on this board now (long)
After 5 1/2 years together, SO and I are breaking up. We've separated twice, once early on and once right after DS was born. I told him this time, if that's the decision, I won't do it again because I don't want the back and forth thing for DS. The past times, he's spent a day or so without us, and realized it's not what he wanted, so I kind of wonder if that's going to be the case this time, but I decided it's not fair for me to sit around and wait for that to happen. I want to go to counseling and keep trying, but he doesn't want to, so I guess that's it.
I'm so diappointed. I really want that happy family that exists in my head, and we were so happy in the beginning, and there are glimpses here and there, but now I know that we'll never achieve it.
I'm so scared to be a single mom. I'm miserable at the idea of not seeing DS for the time he'll be with his dad. (I've only been away from him the few nights I spent in the hospital when he was 2 months old, but haven't missed a night since). We had a family vacation planned for next month, and I don't want DS to miss out on it (Yo Gabba Gabba concert and Sea World), but I'm scared to do it on my own. I'm worried that I should take the money I've been saving all year and keep it to pay off some bills, or save for things that might come up, but why should we miss out on our fun because of this?
Anyways, basically it just happened, and I'm scared out of my mind, but trying to remember that what is meant to be will be. I'm glad that this board exists because I think it's going to help to see how all of you ladies are managing, and I know I'm going to need the support.
Re: I think I belong on this board now (long)
You CAN have a happy family with just you and your kids!
I didn't mean to make it sound like that. My mom was a single mom, so I know it can be done, but I also know how much more difficult it is.
I didn't think you were rude. I just didn't want it to seem offensive to anyone
I think I've had that dream of Daddy, Mommy, baby, and the white picket fence for so long, and it feels like it's just crashing down around me. I know DS is most important in all of this, so I'm trying to do everything I can to keep things as normal as possible. Ex SO and I will be on good conditions no matter what. We're the type that will still be able to get together and do things for DS if this does really end for sure; we just might be better off as friends, but it still hurts. Thanks for your support
I could have written this myself too..My stbxh and I separated in May...I lost my home and one of my dogs and the "perfect family."
BUT, DS and I are doing just fine and he is thriving. My heart is still sad but counseling sure helps and I know I will heal.
You will be just fine. It is a difficult time for you and your family so please know that we are here for you whenever you need a shoulder. we are all going through it...breathe and try to relax..cry whenever you have to..it will make you feel better, then buck up and do whatever needs to be done to get on that path to happiness.
hugs,
Dianna and baby Owen