Today was harder than I thought :( — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Today was harder than I thought :(

Today was the day that I was supposed to go buy a "Big Brother" t-shirt for our big Halloween party announcement.

Today was the day I was going to go buy some maternity clothes so I have some ready when I popped a baby bump. 

Today was the day I was going to get a picture frame to put the photo of my BFP for my mom to surprise her.

So instead, my DH and I went out to buy our stuff for our party, we passed up the maternity store when we went to the mall and didn't even go into any of the children's stores for the t-shirt.

It sucked...more than I thought it was going to.  Oh, and I came across the pee stick that still has a little line on it that I was so excited about only a few days ago.

I don't know whether to throw it away or keep it....I felt like it's the only thing I have left from the pregnancy that made it "real".

Just venting to people who understand.

<a href="http://www.andmonkeymakesthree.blogspot.com">And Monkey Makes Three: My blog about my life and struggle with recurrent pregnancy loss</a><p>

[IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/2468kmh.jpg[/IMG]<p>

DS born 07/25/2009 then TTC #2 for 15 cycles<p>
Early losses October, January, April, May, July and September.<p>
Success after clomid/IUI cycle! DD born 7/23/2012<p>


<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Getting Pregnant"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt10d25d.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>

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<a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2fbf47">My Ovulation Chart</a>

Re: Today was harder than I thought :(

  • Im so sorry for your loss. I cry every time I pass a big brother t-shirt too. EVERY TIME, people in the stores must think im crazy. you are not alone, it does suck...let yourself grieve.

     

  • So sorry for your loss.  I still haven't been able to throw away my HPT yet.....I think I'll only be ready once I'm pregnant again.

    BFP#1: 7/14/10.  EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
    BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
    BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby!                                                                                                                                           BFP #4:  2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15                                                                                                                                                                                      BFP #5:  4/5/15   EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)

    BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • It's been 5 weeks since my miscarriage and 13 weeks since my positive test.  I still have the test.  The thought of throwing it away makes me sick to my stomach.  It's weird that I even kept it.  With my first 2 kids, I took a picture of the hpt the same day I took the test and then threw the tests away.  Just a few days ago I came across the video we took of Lucy when we told her we were going to have a new baby.  I'd forgotten that we took a video.  At my first appt the scheduler was nice enough to schedule my 12 week and 16 week appointments (that we never needed) and today at 9:20 should have been my 16 week check up.  There are reminders in every hour of every day.

    No one else understands.  No one else knows what to say.  All I want to say is I'm sorry and I feel your pain. 

    Lucy 12.18.06, Will 6.21.09 & Adeline 11.2.11
  • I'm sorry :( I had a M/C at 12wks in June and just had the 2nd 10/26 at almost 4wks and it's just as hard.

    I'm trying to stay positive but it's actually harder this time. Now I have two due dates to think about. I didn't take a HPT for the 1st one but I did this time and saved it.

     Big (((HUGS))) for you.

  • I completely relate to your post. I feel like some days just go by quietly and some days hit you like a ton of bricks. I had that day last week, but we survive. I am dreading going back to work on Monday, b/c that is the day we were supposed to go for our big U/S. I dreaded getting on the computer today, because my ticker used to change on Saturdays(I should be 21 weeks), but instead we said good bye to Emily at 19w2d. I feel like as soon as I let my guard down, something slaps me in the face to remind me. I will be thinking of you and hoping your reminders ease up a bit. :)
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttc7aa1.aspx[/img][/url]
  • Just wanted to say that I very much appreciate you posting about still having your HPT - I hadn't seen other posts on that and was starting to think I was a complete loon for still having ours.  I used to look at them and BEAM  - those 2 little lines meant everything to us.  (We would have been 9w3d today, I had my D&C Thursday.)  Knowing other ladies have held on to theirs, even after the loss, makes me feel... more normal, I think.  Although the positive HPTs don't mean the same thing they once did, they still mean something to me.  As a PP had said, I'll probably at least hold on to them until we're pregnant again... I can't imagine throwing them away.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

  • image PenguinHill:

    Just wanted to say that I very much appreciate you posting about still having your HPT - I hadn't seen other posts on that and was starting to think I was a complete loon for still having ours.  I used to look at them and BEAM  - those 2 little lines meant everything to us.  (We would have been 9w3d today, I had my D&C Thursday.)  Knowing other ladies have held on to theirs, even after the loss, makes me feel... more normal, I think.  Although the positive HPTs don't mean the same thing they once did, they still mean something to me.  As a PP had said, I'll probably at least hold on to them until we're pregnant again... I can't imagine throwing them away.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I also have a pic of the two embies they transferred and I just might keep them with the + HPT. Might be weird, and someday I might feel differently but it reminds me of how happy I was at those moments. 

  • Our first ultrasound we were told it was 50/50 if we were going to keep the pregnancy. We were so upset we forgot to ask for pictures. After we lost the baby I caled my OB and asked for one.  Its in a special box with my hospital bracelet.
    Photobucket "...let's rewrite an ending that fits" Mom to DS 6/1999 and DD 1/2008 TTC #3 8/2010 M/C 10/2010 BFP 2/2/11 EDD 10/17/11 On our way to Baby #3 Stick Baby Stick!
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