help for a friend... — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

help for a friend...

My friend had a miscarriage 5 days before I had my baby, which was 2 months ago.  Today, I just found out that she is in the hospital.  She went in for an ultrasound, couldn't find the baby and now they are going the process of terminating the pregnacy.  She is absolutely devistated. 

 I want to be a support for her.  Any advice / suggestions?

Re: help for a friend...

  • A card or flowers telling her you are thinking of her always helps.  Just don't be too pushy because she might not want to talk about it or to people yet.
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    Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks

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  • Send her some flowers and a nice card with a kind note inside. Don't say too much. I'm finding that everyone is just saying the wrong things, So I'm avoiding just about everyone. She'll talk to you when she wants to. The flowers that a few have sent make me think that others are thinking of me, and that's all I want right now - no conversations, except with my husband.
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    BFP#1 - 8/27/10 - D&C 10/27/10 @ 13 weeks to Trisomy 18
    Missing our Angel Baby Gabriel
    BFP#2 - 3/18/11 - CP 3/19/11 BFP#3 - 4/27/11 - Due 1/9/12
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  • I'm sorry for your friends loss...there is a site that carries miscarriage jewelry, a friend got it for me and it was perfect. She had it delivered to my house so that I could read the card/poem in peace. I found that I wanted people to talk about/acknowlege my m/c's and the babies that I lost after a while...to me, I lost babies not just pregnancies, and that is a hard distinction for people to make. I also suggest sending a card around the babys due date if you know it....that is a very hard day, and not one that many people think about.
    M/C #1 BFP 5/26/08, missed m/c discovered 9w1d (blighted ovum) M/C #2 BFP 11/19/08, missed m/c discovered at 12w1d (triploidy) BFP!! 3/27 Due date 12/5/09 Benjamin Tate is here! Born 12-1-09, 9lbs 5oz, 22" via C-Section M/C #3: d/x ectopic, methotrexate given 2/11 BFP!! 7/12, due 3-21-12
  • i miscarried last week and didn't want to answer the phone or see anyone but my husband and my mom.  However, when the door bell rang and there were beautiful flowers or a sweet card there, it really lifted my spirits as a reminder of how sweet my friends and family are.  Flowers can be expensive, so any small token means a lot.  Don't get your feelings hurt if she isn't answering phone calls right away.  Best of luck to you and your friend!
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