My neighbor's daughter... — The Bump
Pre-School

My neighbor's daughter...

...loves to come over and play with my daughter.  Granted, there is a 3 year age gap--she's 6 and DD just turned 3--but they get along well and have a good time together.  However, she can be relentless when it comes to the after school visits.  Sometimes, as soon as we pull into the garage, she's running out of the house to come over.  Other times, it's 5 minutes after we arrive that she's knocking on the door.  Today, she met us at the door and when I told her to come over later, she was back in less than 5 minutes.  To top it off, she questions DH's and my authority.  If we say "Come over later" she responds with "How come?"  If we say "Not today" she says "Why not?"  I'm all for children asking questions and being inquisitive about how things work and what things mean but it's coming across as her wanting her way and nothing more.  I've been telling my husband that we might need to sit her down and explain to her that when we say "Later" or "Not today" that we are saying it for reasons that are sometimes beneficial to her and DD (someone being sick) or because we have certain activities that we need to take care of (DD's dance, school projects) or because we just want some downtime.  I would have expected that her parents would have had this conversation with her and maybe they have but if they have, it's not working.  :)  Do y'all think this is a quick conversation we should have with her? What would y'all do?

Re: My neighbor's daughter...

  • Have you talked to her parents about her visits?  Do they realize she is coming over every day?  Are they taking advantage of your hospitality?
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  • It sounds like her parents aren't really on top of the situation.  I wouldn't be letting a 6 year old invite herself over - I mean what if you had a 6 year old say she was going next door and it turns out something happened, but they thought she was at your house for all that time?  I personally think they should bring her over, and that it is taking advantage of your supervision of the kids, but that is just my opinion.  It seems like she is bored if she is waiting for the second you pull in the driveway and is running over.  I know you said they are having a good time, but for her to be ready to 'pounce' at any given time seems a bit much.

    Maybe you could bring it up to the parents in a nice way, even something like how it gets your daughter's hopes up seeing the girl even though then you have to say they can't play, that maybe a phone call would be better.

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  • OMG, call me rude but I'd be ticked. I have a neighbor who has tried that- but the neighbor kid is way older than my DS and they wouldn't be "playing", the kid was just being nosy and wanted to play in our house. She has asked me several times right in front of her mother who is in the yard watching and each time I just say no, DS is busy, sleeping, taking a bath, washing his hair, LOL. It hasn't happened again in several months. I've heard of these parents who dump their kids on other parents and frankly, I cannot fathom it. Maybe my kid will be antisocial, idk! I'm sure the neighbor mom thinks I'm being b!tchy, but I don't care.
  • That's a tough situation!  What if you said "DD can't play today, but if you would like you can come over on Monday at 4 p.m. for a little while."  Maybe by making it clear she needs to be invited over would help...good luck!  I do think it's important that you set boundaries with her sooner rather than later.
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  • I would talk to the parents of the girl, and if that doesn't work then with the girl herself. I like the idea of setting up a time in the future for her to come over. I also know where you are coming from. The little girl who lives behind us does the same thing, she's 5. She'll ask dd1 if she can come to play who is all about it but it has been at some awkward times (like the afternoon of piper's baptism when we had family over for brunch or right before lunch/nap time). Her mom is on top of it, but sometimes doesn't quite get the message right. She'll ask Katie if sara asked her mom and katie doesn't realize that sara doesn't quite get that katie is asking her if she asked her mom... anyhoo, it is awkward. The worst was when her older brother and his friend who was over as well invited themselves over to our place. Luckily "We didn't have any cool toys"

     

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  • imageecoppins:

    I would talk to the parents of the girl, and if that doesn't work then with the girl herself. I like the idea of setting up a time in the future for her to come over. I also know where you are coming from. The little girl who lives behind us does the same thing, she's 5. She'll ask dd1 if she can come to play who is all about it but it has been at some awkward times (like the afternoon of piper's baptism when we had family over for brunch or right before lunch/nap time). Her mom is on top of it, but sometimes doesn't quite get the message right. She'll ask Katie if sara asked her mom and katie doesn't realize that sara doesn't quite get that katie is asking her if she asked her mom... anyhoo, it is awkward. The worst was when her older brother and his friend who was over as well invited themselves over to our place. Luckily "We didn't have any cool toys"

     

     

    OMG!  Yes!  This is exactly it!  Especially the part about inviting the older brother over.  My neighbor's daughter has twin brothers who are 9 and one time they ALL knocked on my door like "We're here to play with Jade."  And I'm like, "Uh, sorry guys, Jade can't play today."  And of course I was bombarded with "Why nots?"  Geez... 

  • LOL, I don't think the 6yo is "questioning (your) authority". She's 6. She asks why. It's what they do. Your 3yo will hit the why stage pretty soon, probably in about 6mo. Just say "because we're busy right now" or even the old cliche "because I said so".

    I would call her mom and set up a playdate. Tell her that since 6yo is coming over all the time asking to play but you've had to say no a lot since it's not always convenient that you want to set up a time when it is convenient. That should clue her in as to what her kid is doing in a nice way (assuming she doesn't know).

     

    - Jena
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  • Hi!! I think in this situation I'd talk to the parents and have them enforce the rules. I honestly wouldn't want someone sitting my child down and explaining things but I would also be the type of parent who, if I saw my kid running to someone's house as the pulled up, would tell my kid to let them get situated and we'll see if they want you there today. I'd also like to think that if my kid was hanging at a neighbor's house I'd get to know everyone in that house. Six years old is young to be hanging out.
  • I agree with you and I figured that most parents would really want to get to know the people where their daughter spends alot of her time.  My husband and I are very nice and friendly people and we love children so there's absolutely nothing to worry about; however, we've only let our daughter play at their house two times and that was only for about 30 minutes each time. Not because we think they're awful people but based solely on the fact of what we perceive as their "relaxed" attitude about their children and where they are.  For instance, we allowed their daughter to play here yesterday but at 5:30 or so I told her it was time to go home.  It's starting to get dark earlier now and I wanted her to get home before it was completely dark--which is usually 6 or shortly afterwards.  (Neighbor has mentioned to us before that he asked them to be home at 7--which was fine before it started to get dark sooner and I'm sure at some point soon they will change that.) Anyway, at 7 my neighbor knocks on the door and says "I'm here for Lisa" and my husband says "We sent her home an hour and a half ago."  Neighbor says "Oh, OK, I'll get at XYZ's house.  See ya!"  We were both like "Seriously?"  Let's just say from now on when she comes over, we will be walking her right next door to her home once playtime is done.  
  • Honestly, I would just answer "Because."  Simple, easy and effective.  If you get a "but why?" then say "Because it's just not a good time now and I said so but perhaps tomorrow.  See you later!"  It's worked well for our neighborhood kids like that.


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    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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