Blended Families

Need advice...

to start off I'm a lurker on this board....I was active on the 0-12 but have kind of taken a bump brake... anyway something happened today with my 6yr old SD at school. She told another student to go to he**.  She has had social issues for a couple of years and we believe it stems from her BM (who also has a problem with getting along with others). DH and I have custody of SD and she only sees her BM on weekends, and every other week in the summer. 

Neither DH nor I speak to anyone that way and we know that BM has a bad habit of saying this to people. Especially in front of her children. My heart breaks for my SD I want her to have friends in life and I don't want her to grow up having people think and look at her the same way they do her BM. Does anyone have any advice on helping her to get along better with others?... DH and I are at the end of our rope and we need fresh ideas. or does anyone think that she might need to go and see a child Psychologist?

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Re: Need advice...

  • Before answering your question, I'm curious about SD's overall behavior.  Was this a one-time incident?  Does she have friends at school?  How long has she been living with you?  Do her teachers seem concerned about her behavior?  Is she a pretty angry kid?

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • Just because she did not hear it from you does not automatically mean she heard it from BM. It could have been another classmate, or the tv...I would ask here where she heard that, and explain that even if she hears someone else say it, it's not a nice thing for her to repeat.

    Based on just the information in the post, no, she doesn't need a psychologist.

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  • image hterry85:

    Just because she did not hear it from you does not automatically mean she heard it from BM. It could have been another classmate, or the tv...I would ask here where she heard that, and explain that even if she hears someone else say it, it's not a nice thing for her to repeat.

    Based on just the information in the post, no, she doesn't need a psychologist.

     

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  • As of July, DH and I have primary custody of DSD and DSS. We are dealing with the same issues with DSD (14 y.o.) as she snaps and has an attitude with almost everything she says. Only you know your situation and in the case of DSD, DH says that that's how BM spoke to DSS, DSD and DH. So I don't doubt that, if you say so, that is where your SD learned this behavior. Everytime DSD speaks to someone in that tone, we correct her tone and say "Do you see where if you'd said it this way '...(without attitude)...', it would have come across differently?"

    In three months, her tone has changed quite a bit and she's easier to deal with. It's about changing a habit. I say to her after I correct her, "Do I speak to you or anyone else in that way?" and she always says no. I believe most of this is nurture, not nature. GL!

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  • If you are concerned about how she is acting socially, try contacting the school social worker. 
  • Firstly, I don't think she needs a psychologist. One small incident isn't really enough to justify professional help.

    Secondly, I think your H should speak with SD about her behavior at school and find out the facts before assuming that BM taught her that phrase. If SD confirms that she is learning this from BM, I'd have your H contact her regarding the language.

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